- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I’m dealing with a tough dilema and am curious about what other’s would do. I’ll try to make this short.
I am Canadian. One year ago I married an American. I am in the visa process to move to the USA. In June (ish) I should have my visa and am planning to move from BC to California. Ever since we made the decision to move to Cali (2 years ago) I’ve been feeling bittersweet about it. On the one hand California is a beautiful place where anyone would love to live, and my DH is from there and would like to move back after several years in Washington. On the other hand my whole family lives in Vancouver so I’m really sad about moving away. We are a very close family, no one has ever moved away before, and I will miss everyone so much. I also worried about missing out on my grandma’s last years (she’s 85) and the stress it would cause her to have me move away.
But I put on my big girl pants and decided to treat it as an adventure and count my blessings that I even have this choice. After all, it’s only a 2 hour flight and my parents are fortunate to be in a situation where they can visit often – espeically my mom. And people move away from their family all the time, right?
But things have become a little more complicated. Last December, my mom mysteriously came down with a rare autoimmune disease. It’s a strange disease called myathenia gravis – it comes from out of nowhere and can’t be cured, but can be treated. Unfortunately she has an extremely a-typical case that has not responded well to treatment so far. She was hospitalized for 3 weeks with the initial crisis and then slowly slowly got better over the next several months. A couple of weeks ago she went into crisis again and is has now been back in hospital for 2 weeks and is not yet improving. It’s pretty terrible for her. She’s on a feeding tube and they are going to have to put her on a breathing tube tomorrow as her lungs are getting too weak, plus she’s doing a bunch of super taxing treatements on top of taking a cocktail of strong drugs and steroids.
They should be able to get it under control eventually, but it’s totally unclear what level of function she’ll return to (basically normal? Wheelchair bound? Something in between?) and when (3 weeks? 3 months?) and how often she’ll relapse into crisis. Maybe things will return to normal…maybe not. It’s really hard to say and people living with MG have a wide range of experiences. Most have mainly normal lives, but some do not.
This is certainly the time where a family needs to pull together, not scater across the continent. I can’t imagine leaving the rest of my family to support each other while I galavant off to sunny California to have fun with my new husband. And I certanily can’t imagine trying to get a job and re-establish my career in San Fran while feeling like I need to be free to fly home frequently and/or at a moment’s notice.
Right now I’m sort of trying to keep all options open. Really, only time will make things more clear, so there is no reason to close doors prematurely. If you were in this situation, what would you do?
A few details that may be relevant:
– Getting a Green Card to move to the USA is no joke. It takes more than a year and we are finally in the tail end of the process. Once I get the card I’ll have 6 months to immigrate to the USA or I’ll forfeight the Green Card and have to start over again.
– If I decide to stay in Canada, my DH will still be in San Fran until at least the end of 2014 as he’s committed to a contract. We’ve been LD from Van to San Fran since Feb 2013.
– If my DH wanted to move to Canada, I think he could get a work permit pretty easily b/c he’s an engineer. Even full perminent residency would probably take less than a year.
– I have one sibling and she is also moving away from Vancouver, in January 2015, due to her husband’s military posting. There is no opportunity for him to be posted in Vancouver as their is no Naval base here. Since she has a baby, it’s even more important for them to be together.