Sick of being judged by this one friend

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

ForeverBirds:  Disgusting! Your friend is a POMPOUS Ass!! Drop his ass

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  .
Post # 3
Member
8419 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

He doesn’t sound like a very good friend, in fact this statement is pretty telling:

he’s in the military and I’m the only friend he still has from “back home.”

Post # 4
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I respect people in the military, but that doesn’t mean if they are certified A*****e that I need to be their friend.  I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.  If his friendship was 100% important to me on a personal level, I may tell him when a topic comes up that I don’t want to dicuss that “we are going to disagree on this, so it is closed for discussion.”  If he presses it, I would just hang up, stop talking, walk away (depending on how you communicate) 

Post # 5
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Doesn’t sound like a friend I’d like to have. And it’s no wonder you’re his only friend either… I say dump his ass. AND you can tell him why too if you want.

Post # 6
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Nuts to that. Life is too short. I think I would tell this person why I didn’t want to hang out anymore, but not feel all that bad about it frankly. 

Post # 8
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

Unacceptable. I would start to distance him and ignore him. He seems a bit off to me. I wouldn’t tell him off out of fear, really. I would slowly let the friendship dissolve. He doesnt seem to add anything positive to your life. Life it too short. 

Post # 10
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

ForeverBirds:  This may sound condescending so please give me the benefit of the doubt if it does. If he is very close to your age then he is really young and it is easy at that age to think that for the most part, you have the world figured out and know how things are meant to run. Things are also much more black and white to some people at that age (some never grow out of it, I admit). I know someone who is around that age and doesn’t have those beliefs but strong ones nonetheless and how he expresses them can be annoying as hell. When he speaks we all kinda look at each other and roll our eyes and privately just tell each other he is being immature and we hope he grows out of it, quickly. 

Point is that it reminded me that maybe when I was that age I also thought things were more clear cut than they really are and there is a ton of gray in this world.. now I think everything is a shade of gray and very few things are really that clear cut. He seems to have strong beliefs on how things “should be” and it could be very likely that given a few years he will simmer down and become a worthwhile friend who can see the value in your life choices as well as his own, however different they may be at that point. 

At the moment though, telling you to do things like drop out of school and putting you down is not something you should tolerate. Maybe one day he will be worth your time and emotional energy, but you don’t deserve to be belittled while he sorts out his own BS. You are right where you need to be for you and your goals. 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Ugh. One thing you learn over the years is that just because you ARE friends with someone, you don’t have to STAY friends with them.

This guy is a perfect example of someone who is no longer contributing anything positive to your life. If you don’t want to abruptly drop him, I would at least start tactfully responding less and less until you two don’t communicate any more. He sounds totally worthless as a friend. 

Post # 11
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

ForeverBirds:  Get rid get rid get rid. He sounds absolutely insufferable. I would just ignore him and let the friendship die. You don’t owe him any explanations and if you do try and explain, it sounds like he’ll just argue with you and be a dick.

Post # 12
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I’ve seen this before, in these infantry/ special forces types. Let me guess… no overseas postings yet? He’ll soon change his tune after a spell in Afghanistan.

When they’re in the UK, they’re all “f***ing women” and “f***ing REMFs”. Then they get posted and they get sick, or they get shot, or their vehicle breaks down in the middle of a firefight. Who arrives to save them? The profesional corps, the RAMC and the REME, both of which contain a large number of women. They’re pretty happy to see “women and REMFs” then, I can tell you.

Post # 13
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

ForeverBirds:  Just let the friendship die, it isn’t worth the drama of confronting him. Sometimes people change and it just means they aren’t compatible with us as friends anymore.

Post # 15
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

ForeverBirds:  Ugh… with no overseas postings in sight, the “prognosis” is dire, I’m afraid… usually they are only “cured” through trauma of some sort…

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