Sick of being judged for being young

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8419 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@misslillypad:  Statistics are just that, it’s a probability.  It doesn’t mean that every young marriage fails, but people don’t understand that.  I personally think it’s pretty rude for someone to say that your marriage won’t work/will end in divorce at any age.

Post # 4
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee

@misslillypad:  I would say if you keep your reply ‘interesting. thanks for the info’ and then change the subject you will see the topic fade. If you don’t respond or react then the conversation is done!

Post # 5
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think people make comments about age alot whether it is someone younger or older. You sound very responsible and mature. I’m 21 (probably engaged at 21 or 22) and I’m sure ill get flamed a bit for being young even though I won’t be married until I’m 23 or 24. If you are sure about your choice then don’t let the talk bother you. Just make sure you continue setting and obtaining goals. Not trying to be offensive at all just wondering, have you been to college to obtain a higher degree? That something you can do at any age, but it’s easier to do if you’re younger and don’t have kids and whatnot. You can still do many things once you get married just make sure you do things for YOU before you have kids 🙂 on another note congrats about your upcoming wedding I’m sure you and your FH will be very happy. 

Post # 8
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@misslillypad:  I’m in the same boat. Been together for 6.5 years, bought two houses, moved half way across the country and have good jobs only I’m a little olde (23) and people think its cool to tell  me I’m wasting my life by getting married. If I’m in a nice mood I smile nod and change the e conversation. If I’m not I point out all the things I think are wrong in their life politely and follow that up by kindly asking them that if they don’t like hearing what I say, then to but out of my life. 

Post # 9
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Been there done that. For some reason people are under the impression that if you aren’t going out and getting hammered you are “missing out” on your 20’s. I was just as boring at 18 when I met SO as I am at 21, so at least now I can be boring with someone. I think the “oh you are too young!” is just an automatic response. I have started asking “why do you say that?” and people tend to spin their wheels a bit trying to answer.

I feel ya, OP. It does get annoying. You just do you and smile and move on at anyone that says anything.

Post # 10
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Personally, I’m much worse then you (and most of you that have replied). But then again I’m a redhead with a temper/mouth to fit the hair. I have zero problem letting someone know its none of their business and making them feel an inch small for trying to deminish my happiness. (Also the responce when I’m a good mood of “Aww thats so sweet, but I’m actually much older then I look.” nearly always throws them off their game, and when I’m asked my age my go to respnce is “A lady never reveals her age, and when she does, she lies.” gets them off the subject really fast. 

 

Post # 12
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@misslillypad:  

I agree that the way you are being treated is wrong and unfair…. and also very harsh- how dare people say that your marriage may fail and you should “go live your life”.  You’ve already made that decision and they should respect that.

 

But you’ve also said “It really bothers when people who are in their late thirties and after getting  married within a year of knowing each other just so they can start a family  because they feel thier time is running out tell me I’m rushing it and that I should go live my life first.”

How do you know those are the only reasons the people who have been giving you a hard time have gotten married themselves.  Aren’t you running the risk of being as judgemental as they are are acting towards you? 

I’d hate to think that, since I admire anyone who has gotten off their butt and paid off their own house and decided on their spouse for life by the age of 20 years.

Post # 14
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@misslillypad:  

You stay strong in your engagement.  My closest friends met when she was 16 yrs, and he 19 yrs, married when she was 20 and 14 yrs later are still madly and embarrassingly (to everyone around them) passionately in love, with two small children.

When you meet the right guy, you grow together with him and do your exploring and adventuring in life together.

Post # 15
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@misslillypad:  you sound very mature “for your age” and that’s a good thing! I definitely think  marriage age is a regional thing. I will be 30 and will be just a touch on he old side when I get married in my area… but friends that live in bigger cities aren’t even close to marriage. My aunt visited from colorado and in her area it’s expected to have a ring before the end of college… which is sad to me, because her granddaughter did not have the money for the wedding or lifestyle she would have wanted when she got married.

I wouldn’t have traded my 20s in for anything- and no, I wasn’t drunk the whole time! I did lots of traveling, lived on my own for 6 years, did my masters degree, and just generally enjoyed living life on my terms. I am now READY to settle down and start the next chapter of my life with my fiance.

I am not judging you for being young, I think I just enjoyed my 20s so much I would want to make sure that no one was cheated out of that experience. Once you’re married you can’t just go at the drop of the hat and you have to be ready for that change. Good luck!!

Post # 16
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Put flatly, people can be a$$holes.

I am 21 (was 20 when we got engaged), and people said all sort of rude things on the Bee. What I find interesting though, is that NOBODY in my person life reacted that way, because though know FI & I on a personal level. They know our maturity, they have been around to see the tranformation of our lives since we met 3yrs ago, and they were by our sides to see how sincere the love is that bloomed between us.

Do NOT take the Bees seriously on this matter, because they have no idea who you are personally, and what they are doing is profiling you based on age alone. Not to mention, they have stereotypes in their minds of what young people are, and it doesn’t matter how different you are from it, they think their advice can stand as a blanket statement. It works much the same way as racism, actually.    

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