- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2017
Hi. Fake namer here because I’m embarassed… sigh… here goes:
My sex life sucks.
I’ve been with my Fiance for over 4 years, engaged for 1/2 a year, and we’ve had this problem for a long time now. It’s really starting to bother me now that we’re planning a wedding and I’m thinking long term. (Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not asking “should I leave him?” I’m asking “how do I make this better?”)
My FI is happy with sex 2-3 times a month. Once every couple of weeks basically. Me, I’d like to have it once a day. When we first started dating we’d do it a FEW times a DAY. Then we got to about once a day, to about once every other day. TOTALLY OK WITH ME! Then we moved….
And we moved into a condo/townhome style place which his family owns.. We have our own “apartment” but it’s above his family who live in the lower unit. That REALLY killed my drive. I was SO worried during the first 6 months or so that they would hear us. Apparently my Fiance didn’t like me being shy and timid, or the “shhhh’s” and we litterally went down to about once every 2 months. I was SO sad. I had a talk with him and he said he’d work on it…
We’ve gotten a little better, but never ever close to what we were. (like I said 2-3 times a month is ok with him at this point, and not ok with me) BUT, I TRY daily, and daily I am turned down. I feel like a man in the relationship, (or at least the men who are on tv comidies always getting shot down!) He’s got a headache, he’s “too full”, “too hungry”, “too tired”, “Back hurts”, “too busy”, “maybe later”, “just doesn’t feel like it” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I’m ashamed to try anymore! I hate being shot down, it makes me feel ugly, unwanted, lonely.. I could go on and on. I tell him this, and he tells me that’s not true at all.. and again, he’ll work on it. I feel so stupid for basically begging for it all the time, saying the same things over and over to him.
When we do finally do get it on, it’s because HE initiated it, when HE wanted it. I go along with it becase basically I want it all the time, and no point in playing games by trying to with hold from him, and even then It’s the same every time, I do ALL the work. I would LOVE to be able to tell him the things I want to do and try, but I feel stupid, and kinda like what’s the point since I’d be turned down anyways.
I love this man, I’d do anything for him, but when I sit here and think how embarassed he makes me feel with this, and think that it shouldn’t be like this– I wonder how in the world do I make this better?