Sick of how FILs are treating FI

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Continue proving them wrong?

My FI was a bit wild in his youth too. His parents still have the tendency to think he needs more guidance than his siblings (who are making poorer choices in adulthood than he is). He just won’t hear of it, anytime he’s treated like a child he ends the conversation, they’ve certainly gotten the hint. Overall we just don’t let it bother our lives, its their stuff. Sometimes parents cannot stop being parents.

If his parents call you, don’t answer. Set boundaries that enforce the fact that their meandering is no longer welcome or necessary.

Post # 3
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

MrsRoberts52:  DH was also a really wild child and his siblings & mom still acted like he was up until recently. I don’t have much advice because for him it ended up being a little bit of a tift and things got kind of heated and emotional. After that causing it to come out into the open though he really just had a discussion with them, calmly and rationally stating the things that are different about him now and how much it hurt him that they still thought of him like that- how it was pushing him away from them because he wasnt that person anymore and everyone saw it but them… It seems to have worked because they don’t treat him like the wild non-stop partier he was 15 yrs ago anymore… 

Post # 4
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

My SO put the in laws through hell in his late teens, early twenties and he’s turend his life completely around. 

Luckily his parents see it. It’s been a couple of years and he’s a hardworkingg 9-5 man, saving money, long term serious partner and baby on its way. 

Was there a time when they could see your FI turn around for their own eyes or did his change happen and they havn’t seen it for themselves, despite the constant telling them. How old is your FI?

I ask because if he’s of a respectful age, then what ever he’s doing, it’s none of thier buisness. 

Post # 5
Member
3530 posts
Sugar bee

MrsRoberts52:  What about not picking up when they call?  By picking up, both you and your FI are giving into their meddling ways.

Is he the youngest?  Only child?  I can see why they may have a hard time letting him go, but by not constantly answering their calls that may help them realize he’s not a kid anymore.  Sometimes my mom goes through a texting/calling frenzy and I have to remind her gently that I have my own daughter and can’t always be answering her calls while I’m with my daughter.

Post # 6
Member
6740 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t know your FI’s past, but coming from the other side- It is nerve wracking to be always waiting for the next call from the ER, or jail, or to be taking the loved one to rehab for the 3rd time.  It is great that he has cleaned up his life, but i really think the only thing that will solve this is time.

Post # 7
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My MIL is very similar – not that either of her children were wild in the past (as far as I know!) but she does still treat DH and SIL like children.

SIL – MIL had a massive go at her for spending £10 on a massage (which she never does) when she should be saving her money (SIL earns about £30,000)

DH – MIL constantly telling us to get a part of our house fixed which is non essential and won’t solve the problem we want solving.

 

It is really hard sometimes to not say anything especially, if your parents are like mine, you’ve been treated as a “grown up” for a long time. I think parents forget/don’t see their children as adults and think they need to protect them from themselves. Sorry, but as adults we should be allowed to make our own mistakes.

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