(Closed) Sick of my parents drama

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Maybe call them up and see if everything is okay with them. There could be more going on with them than they are letting on

Post # 5
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I would call them again and just say that you hope everything is OK with them and you understand money is tight… but if they can’t make payments that are due to vendors you are going to accept your Future In Law’s gracious offer to help.  They can’t tell someone else they are not allowed to help pay for your wedding.  Especially when they are falling through on promises they made.

Post # 7
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh honey I’d say make big efforts right now to downsize your wedding to the point where you could manage to pay for it yourselves.  It’s not worth ripping your family apart for.

I know it’s not the cause of whatever’s going on here, but if your mom’s blaming it, then it is, if you know what I mean.  Just dig in and see what way you can have a happy wedding without their money.  Then, if things improve over the next  few months and they do want to help out financially, it’ll be a nice bonus towards your honeymoon or whatever.

You reliance on the money is skewing your position, I think.

Post # 9
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m a little confused about how your parents won’t “let” your FILs pay for things?

It sounds like your parents aren’t in a position to give you the financial or emotional support you need right now.  That sucks, and it’s really unfair of them to reneg on promises they made before, but I don’t think you’re gong to be able to convince them to be open and generous the way you hoped. 

Aunt Pol’s suggestion is the right one, I think.  Cutting your parents out of the financial loop means less stress for you and no being beholden to people who are making you feel badly.

Post # 10
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree – if your parents aren’t sending checks to vendors that are owed money, you have to pay them somehow, and if that means accepting money from your ILs then so be it. Your parents don’t really have control over how it gets paid if they are refusing to pay. If YOU aren’t comfortable accepting the IL’s money, then you need to downsize the wedding and pay for it yourself, but certainly if I was in your position and my mom was being difficult and immature like that and my IL’s were graciously stepping in I’d take the IL’s money.

Whatever your mom’s reason – whether money is tight or whether she is acting out like a child because she feels she’s losing you – at the end of the day, the wedding needs to be paid for somehow. If you’re sick of dealing with their drama, the only legit option is to cut them out of the equation financially.

Post # 11
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’d graciously accept the inlaws offer and should your parents want to reimburse or split the cost, they can write the checks to your in laws instead. I don’t have very much empathy for the crazy parents that mourn the loss of their children at weddings and take it out on them. It’s not a funeral, people..

 

Post # 12
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh, I’d tell my mother that she’s not “losing” me because I’m getting married, but she is seriously damaging our relationship, and risking losing me, by throwing around phrases like “your stupid f-ing wedding”.

Post # 13
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

wowww…I think that was very insenstive for your mother to blame you and your FH when they were the ones who offered to help pay. If she is scared of losing you, acting this way towards you and not being supportive of your wedding is unfortunate. I would have a private conversation with her and ask her, woman to woman, what’s up. If it’s money, then let her know to not worry about it (and secretly take your inlaws offer). If she’s scared of losing you, assure her that you are and will always be  her baby and you will always still need her to talk to, for advice, etc. Might another reason be because they are not fond of your FH? You have to do what is best for your sr anity and yourelationship with your family.

Post # 15
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Good luck with everything- I will tell you one thing though, my mom tried to not be involved in the beginning also, because she was upset about losing me. I tried to spend time ALONE with her (just her and I) and get her more excited and show her nothing was going to change between us, and it definitely helped. She is so involved now and excited about my wedding. Maybe you should try to just spend some time one on one with her…

Post # 16
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

oh hugs I feel what you’re going thru entirely…my parents won’t even acknowledge the fact taht I’m getting married even though I’ve been engaged for over a year. Luckily FI is about to take a job across the country so we are delaying the wedding and I hope they come to their senses about it asap because I am also the only girl in the family.

My mom flipped out when i got my dress in and told me she hated my FI *wow really* and I understand it’s not all about the money it’s about their lack of support on what is suppose to be one of the most impt days of your life.

I would try to scale back as much as possible and it’s great the inlaws wanna help pay and if your parents object to them tell em to jump in creek because they don’t want to help you out doesn;’t mean the inlaws can’t.

ANd maybe there are some money issues right now *same with my family* but I don’t want the money as much as I do support hope it gets better stay strong!

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