- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
I am in a bit of a predicament. I am a young bride (21, fi will be 23 when we get married), but we have been together over 6 years. Our venue provided us with a WONDERFUL coordinator free of charge, who has been such a blessing. I don’t think this wedding would not be happening without her. She has become my best friend as of late because I have been talking to her pretty much everyday & going to the venue at least once a week & she has gone out of her way to do so many things for our wedding (building us canopies, buying us decoration.. I could go on & on). Our coordinator knows exaclty what FI & I want and we are all 3 on the same page about everything, centerpieces, cakes, guest table placement, every tiny detail we agree on..
But my family does not. My mother/grandmother/aunt/great-aunt/ect.. all have some very unique ideas for the wedding. They have already purchased (without my knowledge) many decorations, guestbook, flowers, vases.. you name it, they have probably bought it. I am very grateful that they are putting their time & money into our wedding, but I feel like they still look at me as a little girl who does not know what she is talking about. My families taste are very different that mine & my fiances. We like simple & elegant.. but they all like sparkly, loud, & bright. It does not seem like they care about what we want for our wedding.
For instance, my grandmother has agreed to pay for the food (for 100 people it is going to be $1,000 + tax, & they are providing servers for free..) which is very reasonable. But she is constantly wanting to talk me out of it, by saying: “Why dont we look & see if we can find something cheaper” or “Let me & your mother cook the food so it won’t cost as much” & I am so tired of it. She has hurt my feelings about it before, & my fiance has told me not to worry about it & that he would pay for it, because it is not worth the stress. We are paying for most of the wedding ourselves, but she really wanted to help financially. I just don’t understand why she offered and now is trying to talk me into doing something way cheaper.
My mother has bought all these huge 3ft tall vases and pedestals & both the coordinator & myself agree it is going to look cluttered & tacky if we have all of this stuff around the ceremony & reception area, since we do not have that much room. I have seen my mother walk around the house & look for stuff to put somewhere at the wedding. She has even gone behind my back & emailed the lady who is doing our wedding cakes and tried to change things that cake lady & I had decided on when it came to the cakes.
Well tomorrow me, my mother, my grandmother, & great aunt are all going to to the venue to take more stuff & look around because they have only seen it once before. I just feel like I am having to choose between the coordinator (who I agree 100% with) & my family (who I don’t agree with, but will hurt their feelings if I tell them I don’t like something). I know they just want to make it beautiful, but beautiful for themselves.. not for us. Whenever my FI & I do pick something that we like, they usually hate it & make us feel awful for choosing it. It is like they have a completely different vision for our wedding, & they do not care at all about what we want.
I have already had many many many conversations with my mother about how I have my own ideas & I know what I want to do, but she thinks she knows whats best. When I tell her I don’t like something, we have an argument about it & I end up getting called selfish for saying its “my wedding”. If I don’t include her in wedding stuff she just goes off on her own and buys more stuff that we don’t want & then gets offended & mad when we tell her we don’t want that. So it is not an option to exclude my family from wedding related stuff, because it just makes it worse.
I just don’t know how to make them understand that I am not a little girl anymore & I want this wedding to be what me and my fiance want, not what everyone else wants. Like I said I am very thankful for their help & each one of them has special talents & since they want to help, I gave them stuff to do (work on brooch bouquet, stencil the signs, help w/ centepieces..) but then they decide they want to do something totally different that I don’t even want at our wedding & when I tell them that is not what I want, I hear “Well lets just see how it looks, & if we don’t like it we dont have to use it” & this would be fine if we had a year to go.. but the wedding is this April. We are running out of time & Im worried that lots of big important things (ie- mine & my BM’s bouquets..) are not going to be finished.
Any advice? or thoughts? Sorry this is so long, I just needed to vent..