Post # 1
I have no idea why some of these days are better than others.
I know it’s only going to happen 1) after SO finishes school and 2) after SO gets a job
BUT sometimes I just wish that he’d humor me some, talk about rings, SOMETHING. I know we are working towards it together but I just wish he’d make me feel like I’m not the only one who WANTS THIS SO BADLY.
UGH UGH UGH.
I’ve come a long way, I don’t want to take anymore steps back tonight.
Just feeling down and I keep ‘dancing’ around the subject of engagement/weddings/marriage hoping he will pick up on it and entertain my desires but instead….he’s friggin aloof.
That’s basically my vent for tonight. Just needed to get that out.
Thoughts, advice and/or vents are welcome
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
It’s so hard :c I know how you feel.
BF *never* brings anything up about the possibility of us getting engaged or anything about a future wedding so most of my waiting period and “progress” has been pure guesswork on my part. It sucks :c
Occasionally though I get a brief glimpse into BF’s mind and I do think he thinks about it more than I give him credit for (boy is it hard to remember that when I’m feeling low though). Perhaps your man is the same? I can’t really explain why they’re so uninterested in actually talking about this massive and super exciting thing but maybe they’re excited in their own way? Or maybe they feel that talking about it too much is ruining something somehow. Perhaps it’s easier for them because they know what they want to do first and when they want this to happen, so for them there isn’t a lot to say…
I’m guessing again but I hope you feel better soon <3
Post # 4
@veryberry13: make him talk about it. What harm is talking discussing a future together? its not ring talk it’s cute meaningful conversations that he should be happy in participating in.
Like what do you think our kids will look like? My fiance loves talking about this since we are a mixed race couple.
have you ever thought of living anywhere else?
what activities hobbies do you see us picking up when were in our 30s, 40s, 50s?
how involved do you think yours or my parents will be when we have a baby?
theres tons of questions and tons of discuss other than the dreaded and hassled question of when will you marry me
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar
@veryberry13: I feel like that some times 🙁 even though now I know it will be coming soon….I wanted to be married by 21…right after college….I talked about with him non stop…it came to a point that I realized it won’t be happening for another few years…it killed me inside but I just had to stop talking about it 🙁 bf would just listen and that’s pretty much it. Even though we were both working towards that he just never talked about it openly. I would get upset and we would fight. But after he graduated from law schools things changed…he said that he would seriously talk about once he was out of school and got a job. Now it’s been close to three years has been out of school. for me the waiting game had to be over. I spoke to him and we came to a conclusion that we were ready to make that next big step. But I was exactly where u were not too long ago. It’s frustrating and annoying 🙁 i am dreadinto the next few months…even though my waiting time is almost over….I am dreading waiting yet another couple of months….ugh!!!! I think I’ve waiting long enough….why can it happen today!!!!!! whats holding him back? I mean he has the ring and my dads blessing what else does he need. Ugh I need it to vent a bit 🙁
Post # 6
I know. I’m waiting for SO to finish school as well. He’s got a job lined up thankfully, but I know it’ll take him awhile to settle into a new job, new city etc. And not to mention get our savings account back up! It sucks waiting on external situations. Bah.
He has no problem at all talking about our future and actually talks about it constantly, so I know we’re on the same page. But he just CAN’T say the words “married” or “wedding”! He recently noticed on his benefits package that life insurance is an option, and I told him you don’t really need it unless you have dependents, like a SAHW/M or children. So now he’s says stuff like “you’ll be after my life-insurance policy before long” …as a euphamism for “wife.” WHAT THE HELL?!?!? He was excited yesterday because one of my (very expensive if out of pocket) medical treatments would be covered under his health insurance. I reminded him I don’t get the benefit of his health insurance unless we were married and he just said “don’t you worry, you’ll be after my life-insurance money soon enough!” with a stupid smile. I hate this new phrase for “getting married,” why does he have to joke about me murdering him for his life insurance policy rather than a simple “we’ll be getting married soon enough!” Jeez louise. Now whenever he says it, I pretend to stab him. If he’s going to be gruesome about it, so am I!
Post # 7
Girl I feel your pain!!! At least be happy that your man has goals! Some guys don’t have the determination to finish school and find a job.
I KNOW 100% that my bf won’t have money for a ring until spring. But some how I can’t let myself calm down and be patient until then. It’s tough.
Post # 8
@MaidMarian: haha thanks for your kind words. How often is ‘occasionally’?!? I feel like the last time Mr VB brought it up it was June and that conversation didn’t go as well as I wanted because all I heard was that we are still years away from it. It’s just hard to not get frustrated sometimes I guess!!!!!
@elliptical2013: These are good questions to lead with that I haven’t thought about-great advice. Right now I think we are both focused on our next move, which is probably going to be leaving the state we are in and moving somewhere else. So we DO talk about the future together, I guess some days I’m sick of feeling like someone’s GF and not someone’s wife.
@katherin788: OHHHH my goodness! Yes I would be going crazy if I were you. He has every reason to ask and yet he hasn’t yet for some reason–I don’t know why men make us wait and it’s just getting to me. I’m sick of the waiting fights and we haven’t had one in a while mostly because I’ve been coming to the boards to complain.
@oriskany: Yes I am right there with you on waiting on the external situations. I’m just so friggin sick to death of it and it’s killing me. I don’t know what’s worse…sitting here waiting for everything else to be ‘perfect’ or his lack of wanting to talk about it. At least your SO is talking about it 🙂
@highschoolhoneys: I have been trying to focus on the fact that my SO has goals. A lot was put into perspective when I found out that one of my BFF’s has a BF who has become a succubus. He used to have a great job, then he lost it, now he’s living with her and she’s basically paying for his schooling. That’s cool and all…except for how she complains that he is putting her in the poor house and she does not make it seem like fun at all.
Thanks bees for your replies!
Post # 9
Guys generally don’t like to talk about things repeatedly. In his mind, a timeline is fixed, right? So to him, there is likely no point in discussing rings (guys don’t care as long as the girl is happy generally), weddings, etc. since it’s still far enough away that it’s not on his radar. He is focusing on school, I assume.
I know it can be frustrating, but at least he gave you an idea of when it’ll happen.
My SO was so sick of hearing about rings (I did the picking)… but he was happy to buy me one. I think we’re just wired differently.
Post # 10
@canarydiamond: You are right, in his mind a timeline is fixed and we have already talked about it. He is very practical like that and it’s just how he is.
I sometimes wish that he would let me talk about rings that I like/want. He’s shut me down a few times because he feels like the ring shopping and purchase is his decision…which makes me think he already knows what he’s planning to get and while that is cool I guess I feel like it would be nice if he would entertain my cravings to talk and dream about rings. OH WELL.
Post # 11
@veryberry13: I know how you feel; this drove me nuts for awhile, too. Finally, I just told my SO that it made me feel insecure that I was the only who started our engagement/marriage/wedding/future convos* and would he please mention that stuff every now and then to reassure me that he was thinking about them, too. SO was on board with this, and now we have a lot more fun (and beneficial) talks about this stuff. Try and see if that works for you.
*I’m not talking about timeline/ultimatum/serious convos; I mean the fun “let’s have Dark ‘N’ Stormys as our signature drink” kind of talks. For me, I just wanted to know that he thought that stuff was exciting, too.
Post # 12
@keylimepie: THIS is really good advice.
I get what you are saying about not needing to beat talk to death, we’ve talked about it and it’s out there. But I think this hits the nail on the head-It IS making me feel a tad insecure that I feel like he will talk about it once every few months and I feel like I think about it ALMOST EVERY day like a friggin crazy lady lol. Can people be obsessed with marriage/weddings? Is this a thing lol.
Post # 13
@veryberry13: That’s what this site is for lol. My FI banned ring talk as well… because I’d go on and on! He wanted me to pick the ring, but he was sick of hearing about it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar
@veryberry13: i know what you mean! Ugh men are just slow and dont get it right away. ur vent is mine too lol. when will it happen has always been my question. ugh!!!!!!!!!
Post # 15
@veryberry13: I definetly know how you feel! Just know that you are not the only one. It is good that he at least has goals, and it is not this nebulous I don’t know. That is what I was getting before and once I backed up it got him talking about another kid, selling his house so we can move closer to my work etc. I still have a while to wait though because from what he has been hinting at his extra money from the ring will come from doing taxes as a second job (*ummmmm doesn’t that only have after the New year- like Jan to April …………).
I say try to enjoy the relationship (even though you are “sure” about him it makes you extra sure_) and try to spend time on yourself. People are attracted to people that seem to enjoy being with themselves. I still feel a little “cray” but feeling so much better when I focus on myself, my life and my hobbies. It also releases all the pressure from the relationship.
**hugs** For some reason Friday’s are always the worst day of the week for me in terms of waiting. Fridays and Sundays!!!!
Post # 16
Just an update:
Another reason that I’m a little upset is that we have to go hang out with Mr VB’s friends tonight who are in the thick of their wedding planning!! So……I’m going to try and put on a good face and have fun tonight but honestly some days are better than others and it’s just hard sometimes.
Thanks for listening.