Sigh. I feel awkward now

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Look at the big silver lining: They are really welcoming!  I know you might feel awkward, but wow, so nice that they are so generous and want you to participate.

Post # 4
Member
8419 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@LadyBlackheart:  Sorry, you’re being put in such an awkward situation, but I think if you look at it differently it’s not as bad.  In fact, it’s pretty endearing that they want to include you and will take care of your bill.  Obviously, you’re well liked enough to where having you at the lunch is more important than the tab 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow, I would feel really awkward. I have misophonia so eating in public is really hard for me when it’s with people I know. I can happily glare at strangers but it’s hard when I know the people.

Maybe order a salad and just smile when people are smiling, laugh when people laugh and try to have a good time. Sounds like you work with a great group of ladies!

Post # 6
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@LadyBlackheart: 

I totally know how you feel. I’m 25 and everyone I work with it 15-25+ years older than me and there’s only 2 women in a group of around 40 people. It can get really awkward at lunch outings and I often would prefer to pass. However, it is a sweet gesture…a sweet awkward gesture…

 

Post # 7
Member
1788 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with the PPs. I completely understand why you might feel awkward, but you should also see the bright side. Clearly you are welcome in their group and your presence is wanted. This should give you a good reason to feel less inadequate in social interactions with them. Just relax, they like you!

Post # 8
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Your co-workers sound like very nice people!  They obviously genuinely want your presence and it’s important to them, so much so that they are willing to extend such a generous offer.  Not every workplace has colleagues like that, I would beam with a huge smile all day and graciously join them!  🙂  It must feel great to be surrounded by people who like you that much!  🙂

Post # 9
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

Hmm, I definitely see why you’d feel awkward (IMO, it was quite rude of her to share what you said about your financial situation with others without asking you, even if her intentions were good).

I agree with the PPs to make the best of it, though. It is actually to your benefit that you are much younger than everyone else in this situation. Honestly I think this has activated their “maternal” instinct. They feel motivated to help you and include you. If you smile awkwardly or keep asking “Sorry? What was that?” they will likely be forgiving because some of them will most likely be thinking of their daughters who likely aren’t that far from your age, or themselves at your age. And these are gentle, kind thoughts, usually.

Now, this doesn’t mean they’ll see you fully as a child and not an equal, it’s sort of both (at least, I hope so). You are also a colleague and equal to them in some ways in their eyes, but I’d guess they have a nuturing, motherly attitude toward you as well. This is a good thing, mainly because they will want to help you succeed at work. They will be happy to teach you what they know.

So, you know, don’t intentionally play up the age difference or use it to excuse your own behavior, or they really will start seeing you as a “baby” and resent you for it, but in little ways like this, which was really not your fault, it’s not bad to have triggered their “nurturing” instincts.

Post # 10
Hostess
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyBlackheart:  I know it can be kind of embarassing to be in those situations, but your co-workers obviously want to help and make you a part of their gathering which is very sweet! Everyone has hard times in their lives, no one will judge you if you hit a bit of a financial rough spot. Try to have a good time and enjoy that you have such a welcoming work group!

I understand the social anxiety thing, completely, but the best way to get over it is to jump in and experience that bigger get togethers really aren’t that bad!

Post # 11
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

think about it from the other side. if a friend or coworker said she’s not coming to a gathering because of money, i’d be more than happy to pay for her and wouldn’t remember it 5 minutes later

Post # 13
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Don’t be embarrassed; who cares if you are younger than everyone else. You are all adults, just try to have fun!

Post # 14
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@LadyBlackheart:  …don’t feel awkward about it…we were all young and broke THAT is why your lovely co-workers offered to take you out, because they totally remember that AND how much it sucks…so go, have a good time and step out of your comfort zone!

Post # 15
Hostess
22135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

They wouldn’t have offered if they didn’t really want you there. And likely, your lunch split up among a few coworkers isn’t a burden on anyone. They really wanted to include you, so just be grateful and do your best throughout the lunch. Maybe going to this one will break the ice a little bit for you so you feel more comfortable joining in in the future. 🙂 Have fun!

Post # 16
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

First can I just say…you seem kind of adorable. I hope that isn’t offensive or creepy but you write really well lol. Felt like I was there! “Gah” -love it!

I’m sure “K” had the best of intentions. It’s probably something like working in an office of aunts 🙂 And if you’re younger than everyone, you probably make less so they can def spare your lunch. Be yourself, if that’s not super outgoing and friendly, that’s okay too…it takes all different types of people and personalities to make the world go round. I hope you’re able to enjoy yourself and your free eats #winning

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