- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Hi bees. I’m in a bit of a tough in-law spot and I am trying to figure out what MY response should be. Just for a bit of background – I have never had an issue with my in-laws before, they have always treated me like a daughter, and we’ve never had one disagreement.
HOWEVER…that ended this past week due to two separate events. 🙁
My DH does not have any extended family in the area we live. His immediate family (mom, dad, and younger siblings ranging in age from 3 – 20 – he’s the oldest of 7) is here, but they relocated a few years back and moved away from all of their other family members. Most of my extended family is here. Because of this, my parents wondered if maybe my DH’s family wanted to join us for Thanksgiving. We talked to DH’s parents and they were in agreement about it, and we all had a wonderful Thanksgiving together. We spent tons of time talking to my FIL and MIL at the event.
The next day, FIL and MIL were hosting a post-Thanksgiving get together at their home for some families that attend our church. They invited us to come, but said they understood if we didn’t because there was a holiday festival in our town that night. We told them we would let them know if we were coming. We headed to that festival that night, but it started pouring raining. We decided to go home and spend the night just relaxing together instead of doing anything else.
The next day, FIL calls. He asked DH how the festival was and DH told him we did not go due to the rain. FIL and MIL are FURIOUS and said that we were rude not to come to their get together since it was raining and we had no other plans. We told them that we would love to come for dinner sometime or go out to dinner with them, but I was feeling tired (I’m 12 weeks pregnant) and that it just didn’t work out. They still were not understanding and said that they did not understand how we could go to MY parent’s get together but not theirs.
Then, on Sunday, I get a text from a close friend saying “congratulations! I heard you’re pregnant!” I asked her how she found out since we were only telling close family until my heartbeat check which was at 12.5 weeks (and just happened today, actually). She told me that my SIL had made an announcement to a group of girls at church that morning.
So, I texted my MIL: “Hi there! 🙂 Could you please remind (SIL) not to be telling anyone about the baby. It is still a secret minus close family…we do not want church people or friends knowing until after the heartbeat check on Thursday. We were surprised to get some comments from people who had found out from (SIL). 🙂 Thank you!”
MIL’s reply: “(SIL) didn’t tell anyone. Your mom told (friend) and she told her daughters and they congratulated her in front of the (O’s) and others. Also (other friend) asked at the get together at our house Friday and so everyone there knew. I think it is too late to put the cat back in the bag. They are all just excited that god has given you and (DH) this great blessing.”
Me: “According to (Mom’s friend), she did not tell her daughters and they have assured me of the same thing so I am not sure what happened there. I just do not appreciate people telling our news – this is our first baby, and I would appreciate the ability to tell it in the way we choose, in our own timing regardless of people’s questions. If they are truly curious, they can approach us. I was not emotionally ready for people to know about this yet.”
MIL: “The D’s and P’s already knew. It is a blessing not something to be worried about. Just relax and enjoy this special gift. People just want to share it with you and us.”
Anyway, since that exchange on Sunday, my FIL has told my DH that I have “control issues” that he has to love me through and that both of them think my texts were very rude. My DH explained that we had told them we were going to announce OUR baby after the appointment and that we did not appreciate them telling everyone at their get together (news spreads fast in our church), especially because there is no reason anyone would have been asking. I’m not showing in the least bit. MIL also told DH’s grandmother without asking if we wanted to be the ones to share the news.
They are not apologetic and think I owe THEM an apology. I feel like they owe me an apology for their lack of respect for my choices and what I clearly told them, over and over.
Additionally, I ran into MIL today at the church. She did not say hi to my mother or I, did not smile at us once despite the fact that I had a smile plastered to my face, and coolly brushed off the questions my mom had. MIL was there to decorate for a church Christmas get together and we asked her about that but she brushed them off and left without even a “have a good day.” She also didn’t bother asking about the appointment which she knew was today.
Worse yet, I will be around my ILs all day tomorrow at DH’s all-day-long work Holiday party. It goes from 9am – 9pm and is a day of activities and fun and food.
So with that long post, I wonder: am I in the wrong here? Do I need to apologize so that things will go smoothly tomorrow? What should I tell them?
Ugh. Life issues. Relational drama. Thanks in advance!