Post # 1
So after several attempts on trying to get my FI to help with planning this damn wedding I have given up. Everytime I try to talk about something he just gets frustrated and keeps saying I keep bringing up the same issues (which I don’t think I am).
I tried to actually set a budget and he feels its a waste of time (WTF?). He says it should just be something that is done at the end…but we are trying to save up so we can move…so I just did the budget on my own.
Its kinda of depressing since I live on the opposite side of the country away from my family so I have no one to talk to about planning a wedding. or share ideas, because he really doesn’t care. Originally I thought this was okay, but now after a few months I am annoyed. I have made every decision on my own. I told him today just to forget it and that I wouldn’t bring it up anymore and that I hoped he would just find enough engery to roll out of bed and show up.
I don’t know what he expected when he asked me to marry him…that the wedding would magically plan itself? Anyone else sitting in a similar position? Should I just not talk about it and book and pay for things without consulting him? Because, really, he doesn’t care. This whole thing isn’t a big deal to him at all. Maybe I’ll even go buy my own wedding ring and write his vows…
I’m done complaining…
Post # 3
Hmm..it sounds like there is a bit of an issue since he is not getting involved at all. I mean most guys won’t be into all the details of colours and flowers etc, but they should be interested in the bigger stuff like money, venue, guest list, music, bridal party.
The budget does need to be set up at start for sure! Otherwise you won’t know how much you can allocate to each item and how much you have actually spent. If you do this at the end you will probably overspend. Is he nervous about it all do you think?
Post # 4
We are planning our wedding ourselves, but my fi is very supportive.
I do feel that you should set a budget. You don’t have to start buying things now [although we are, we’re about $4k in], but its good to start socking the money away.
Maybe your fi assumed someone would pay for your wedding? In a perfect world, sure, but it doesn’t always happen that way.
Post # 5
@haychard: Well now you have a whole community to help you with the planning. There are quite a few Lower Mainland Bees here too!
Post # 6
my FI isn’t super involved; i have done a very large majority of the planning, but he has helped with some things (dj, band, limo, honeymoon, choosing food/cake, etc). i didn’t actually set a budget ever really tbh. i had absolutely no idea what things would cost and found it difficult b/c of that. i basically went on a case by case basis as to whether certain things were worth the $ and decided that way.
Post # 7
My FI isn’t doing a lot of stuff either. I am not sure whether he expected magic elves to come in during the night and plan this, or what, but he always acts bewildered when I’ve planned something. Like he wanted a say-so, but he never seems that interested when I am trying fo figure stuff out. I’ve been devoting so much time to this since we got engaged, and he mostly just does work stuff and plays video games, so I don’t know what to tell him.
The worst part was on the day we went to meet the caterers, I asked him to make a list of stuff he really wanted there, foodwise, so I could look over it, add my contributions and we could talk about it. He didn’t do anything. So we get there, we both just start throwing ideas out, and then when we get the menu it’s only the stuff he suggested that I would have tried to talk him out of/get him to compromise on because it’s not stuff I care for. Argh!
Post # 8
I am glad there is at least one person out there that knows what this is like. The only thing I have gotten out him about the menu is that he thinks we should serve some sort of chicken…other than that I don’t think he cares but I’m sure once I plan the menu he will complain (he’s really picky with food).
I’ve devoted a lot of time researching everything online since we live in a different province than we are getting married in. All I ever hear is him complaining about how much time I spend on the computer. I’ll respond that I am planning the wedding and he will say well how come nothing is done yet…GAAAAHHHHHH or today when I suggested setting up a budget I was told I didn’t know the prices of anything…no I just pretend I’m contacting people I don’t actually contact people…
My dad, yes, its true my dad has more interest in this wedding than my FI. My dad on his own accord went out and contacted my venue and went and looked at it (my parents live where we are getting married), bought me centrepieces.
Post # 9
He has admitted to being nervous but we dealt with that. I just don’t get it. LOL
Post # 10
Mine isn’t part of the planning either. He doesn’t see the point in having a celebration and just wants to be married. Bah humbug! At the very beginning I was completely alone too (when I had to make some big decisions) but now my mom is able to help more.
My advice from personal experience, don’t force him to be involved. You will only frustrate yourself. Do you have any friends that wouldn’t mind being a sound board?
Post # 11
I have a gut feeling my fiancee may be like this too, if I ever start/attempt to plan a wedding. He has asked, “When are we getting married?” I am like, “I don’t know, wanna run away?” He said, “Ya, totally.” It’s basically because of my insurance that I have nothing planned – I am on some meds – expensive meds – and his company insurance will only cover after high deductible. But I am serious about getting married – not sure when – even when I bring it up – it’s like vanilla.
Post # 12
@haychard: Hi fellow Van Bee! I’m sorry your FI isn’t very helpful at all:( It’s a lot of work to do on your own, esp as your family is far away. If you need someone to go dress shopping with you, I would definitely go!!
Post # 13
My FI is not at all interested in planning. I’ve done 95% of the work and his 5% was sitting next to me while I asked him questions. I’m pretty sure he just cycled through “yes, no, what do you think”. He says he just wants to be married and let’s just elope.
i figured he would be no help though. Since I knew it going it I’m not stressing out or badgering him. Maybe once a week I ask for help and make him listen to plans, he just smiles and says he loves my ideas….not helpful but whatever.
im not stressing out, it’s a wedding but at the end of the day all that really matters is that we both show up and say I do. help would be amazing but I knew how he was about planning before he ever proposed