- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I can definitely relate!
For me, I am from a conservative religious community, and a LOT of my friends and acquaintances got married right out of college, 3-4 years ago. While none of my good friends have gotten divorced, I would estimate about a 1/3 of my close acquaintances have already gotten divorced since then.
The statistics are very real, and very frightening.
For J and I, pre-engagement counseling is crucial. A lot of the marital strife we've seen comes from a lack of communication and/or unmet expectations - so we're focusing primarily on 1) learning to communicate even better (I don't want to sound vain, but we're awesome at communicating with each other; we've always 'clicked' that way), and 2) understanding each others' expectations and where those expectations come from.
I do think it's possible to have a marriage that lasts, but it is not easy, and you can't expect it to be. Love, like life, requires work, nurturing, and growth. Commitment is has to mean being willing to put in the time and effort that marriage will require.
I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but this has been on my heart a lot lately too, so I'm just kind of spewing out what we're learning. :)
I have an acquaintance that got divorced before the end of her first year of marriage. Apparently, her husband told her that he was not sure before they got married, but that now, he was sure she wasn't the one. Just like that. Ouch!
They had gotten engaged very fast though, so can't say I'm surprised, but the biggest surprise was that it came from him, not her.
I am very traditional and for me, marriage is forever unless there is abuse or infidelity. I am confident that it will work out though, because we are both at a point where we have experienced life and know what we want and don't want in a relationship and are ready to commit and make this work.
I think in many cases, getting married young, like right out of college, does not help because you change so much, and guys don't change at the same pace to you have to live out of phase and this is hard on a relationship - many don't make it.
Gosh at my age I know of people who have been married and divorced and I am still working on getting married the first time! I think that couples have to make sure that the foundation is set properly. Marriage isn't just about a big great party, it's about two people working together towards a common goal, always putting the other person's needs before their own. If you adopt this philosophy and go into marriage with your eyes wide open, I am sure you will thrive. If you go into it thinking that the person will change, then odds are you are headed for divorce before you head down the aisle.
Although I'm not part of any specific religion, I feel almost dissapointed now that I'm engaged to be married. So many people don't take it seriously. So many people cheat and lie and live life unhappily married. Sometimes I don't even want to be in that catagory, to be compared to "those" people.
However, there is hope! I understand the intense gravity and importance of marriage, and so does my fiance. I guess that's all that matters!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| hisgoosiegirl | 34 |
| MissBoPeep | 29 |
| Gemstone | 24 |
| Mrs.KMM | 24 |
| Beckster329 | 23 |
| beargoose | 20 |
| BetterSherm | 20 |
| Rivendeler | 20 |
| ndreighton | 19 |
| KCKnd2 | 16 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| KatNYC2011 | 2 |
| MsMonkey | 2 |
| NVACat | 2 |
| SouthernGirl | 1 |
| aprose | 1 |
| bookworm88 | 1 |
| KatyElle | 1 |
| Spoonie | 1 |
| MilksMom | 1 |
| kat2014 | 1 |
Recently I saw the marriages of two of my friends fall apart. One of them, I never thought would last forever but I thought they would at least make it to the 2 year anniversary and the other one is still technically in tact but there has been some infidelity after only one year. In the latter case, I thought they would make it through to forever. It just made me think because not many of my friends are married and these are not the kind of marriages I expected. Maybe it is because I am about to get married but I feel like I am taking this very personally. I'm trying not to judge my friends but trying to understand how this could happen.
I guess my question is, does anyone else feel like they are more sensitive to "the scantity" of marriage being broken around you than before your were planning your own weding? Do you know any friends who have divorced after such a short (under 2 years) marriage? Maybe this post was also just something I needed to get off my chest.