Post # 1
This is a friendly debate between my mom and I, just curious where other people weigh in on this.
Her position…a wedding is one day. No matter how fabulous, it only lasts a few hours and it’s over, so why spend tons of money? (For reference, this isn’t a ‘fight’ she and I are having over money, just a philisophical discussion.) Save as much money as you can and put it towards a more longstanding investment like a down payment on a house or car.
My position…yes, a wedding is one day, and no, no one should go into debt over a wedding they can’t afford. However, a wedding is not just ‘a day’ in the sense that any random day is…in a sense it becomes a part of your personal history, something people associate with you and remember for a long time to come. And it does come up when people chat about such things…"Remember so-and-so’s wedding…" So it’s not like it’s over and gone forever after the day is finished.
So curious what other people think about this.
Post # 3
I think you should do what you can while still keeping yourself happy. I think it only becomes an issue when couples over spend and borrow against better judgement for this one day. Your wedding should be a reflection of you as a couple, not necessarily what the wedding industry wants of you.
Post # 4
I land on the it’s-a-day side. I cringe everytime I look at costs of things associated with our wedding & we’ve been trying to keep the budget very very very low. I’d much rather have the money saved and used on something more important, like a house. I have been so careful to turn off the voice in my head that says I should buy a separate new pair of shoes For The Wedding even though I already own an adorable pair of yellow flats to use. It is just a day, and I hate buying a whole bunch of new stuff just for it.
I do think it’s special in the sense that it’s the one party we’ll ever throw that has everybody who loves us all in the same room – and it’ll be a total blast! – but I don’t put a lot of pressure on having everything be totally perfect. It’ll just be great because everyone attending IS great.
Probably varies from family to family a bit too. My extended family is really tight, but the memories we talk about pretty much never involve anyone’s wedding. We have other more interesting and fun family memories, and the weddings were each just a fun party.
Post # 5
It is ONE DAY to me, so I try not to get too caught up in spending a ridiculous amount of money for a "party" basically. I still love taht it’s our wedding and the sentimentality regarding that, but I also know that in a couple of years, we will have bigger things on our plate, like having our first baby and stuff, and I’m sure taht will be more important than anything else. In the end, we’re getting married, it’ll be a lot of fun, and we’ll get lots of great pictures. I refuse to buy stuff that I can’t make myself or that doesn’t have significant meannig/purpose to me. Eveyrthing i buy except my dress, basically can be reused in a way. I bought white resort sandals for shoes….etc. I don’t go overboard b/c i know when the wedding’s done, i want to have some $$ to spend on my honeymoon!
So I try to be practical about it without necessarily shortchanging myself on the experience either
Post # 6
I was all set to have an inexpensive wedding, but it was my mom’s dream to give me a big, beautiful wedding as imagined by the wedding industrial complex. You know what? I’m glad I’m getting my dream day. Sure it’s just one day, but life is short, right? I’m never going to be a celebrity or royalty, and it’s great that I get one day to be a princess, as cheesy as that sounds.
Of course, with that ideal, there is enormous pressure to make the day perfect. It actually REALLY frustrates me when I am freaking out about some detail or something going wrong, and I get the "It’s just one day" line. I’m glad that there are people out there who feel that way, and it’s really your prerogative how much you spend on your wedding, but don’t judge me because I want my one day to be perfect.
Actually it seems like both sides can seem a bit judgemental. Like, people who are spending big on their wedding sometimes seem to look down on smaller, cheaper weddings. People who are having smaller weddings tell those who choose to spend more that they’re wasting time/money/effort and "It’s just one day".
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
Yep, I think it’s just one day. I think the day I met Mr. MJ may be more significant than the day we are married. Same with the day we got engaged. We agreed to get married that day; the wedding day is just the fruition of such.
I think this way about grad school too (as an example). My most recent important day was the day I passed my defense. Sure, there was a graduation ceremony a month later and a degree was mailed to me 6 weeks after that… but the day I passed my defense was my big day.
That said, a wedding date is a day in your family history. So it certainly is worth celebrating. I don’t think anyone is wasting their money, if they’re paying for things that are important to them to celebrate their wedding day. 🙂
Post # 8
Being a sentimental, mushy romantic, it’s a special day. It’s the day that I will say to my groom and to the world that he is the one person I want by side until death do us part. Kids will grow up and have the own life, friends will come and go, but he will be my partner and my friend for all of my days. That’s special and it’s important.
That being said, it is only ONE DAY. and I don’t need to go into debt to make the day mooshy and romantic and intimate. I want to make the day special and meaningful by surrounding ourselves with family, good friends, good food, music, laughter, and fun. I don’t need to spend way above my budget to make these things happen. I don’t need a limo. I don’t need a sit down, 5 course meal. I don’t need the most expensive dress. I don’t need a candy buffet (want it but don’t need it).
It is only one day but the definition of that one day is different for everyone. What is meaningful to me may not be to someone else. Some bride and grooms may need letterpress invites to make their day special. We don’t. Not to say they are wrong and I am right, we’re just different. I don’t think there is a black or white answer to this question.
Post # 9
I know it’s just one day, but it’s a day dedicated to FI and my devotion to one another. For our wedding, we’re cutting costs as much as possible, but we are still getting the look we want. I am splurging on a dress I will probably only wear twice (trash the dress photos included), but I am okay with that. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be getting that dress.
Post # 10
It will def. be the most important day in our relationship so far — there was no definite "day we got engaged" or "day we met" for us. But I agree that it is still just one day. Thinking about it any other way would freak me out too much!
And honestly, I’m looking forward more to our lives together after the wedding than I am the wedding day. We don’t live together now or … *ahem* play twister, so marriage will change a lot for us!