Post # 1
Ok, so my FI’s Aunt sent him an email asking him if her daughter (age 19) could bring her boyfriend. I thought it was inappropriate since we are inviting them as a family and were not intending for them to bring significant others. We sent an apology email back stating that we are trying to keep cost down and would not be able to extend an invitation to him. We then received another email telling us she did not want to be pushy but they already invited him and he has a plane ticket. She also stated that they were hoping he could take the place of someone who did not come to the wedding. It is going to be about $100 per person for our wedding and I just don’t see why we should feel we need to invite him now because he has a plane ticket. I was wondering what everyone thought about this? It’s not my side of the family but my parents are paying for the wedding and I want to be respectful of that. Thanks!
Post # 3
Wow, that is really presumptious of them. Under other circumstances, I would say to hold your ground, but if this guy did already purchase a plane ticket, then maybe it would be best to let this one slide, especially if it’s going to cause a rift between this family and you. However, I would still express your distaste to them of how they handled the situation.
Post # 4
Wow, how rude of them to impose on you like that! They should be reimbursing him for the plane ticket, and telling him he’s not invited. I’m thinking you could go about this two ways:
1) Suck it up and let him come. This unfortunately tells the aunt that it is ok to do something like this, but at the same time makes things easier and less drama-y. If you have to pay for a minimum of people and he makes it under, at least it wouldn’t cost your parents extra.
2) Tell the aunt that unfortunately, he cannot come. Suggest other things for him to do in the area while his girlfriend and family are at the wedding. This could cause drama or a refusal of the cousin/girlfriend to come.
I’d probably be furious, but if a plane ticket that a 19 year old paid for came into the equation, I’d let him come. It isn’t his fault the aunt and her family assumed he was invited. Ugh some people!
Post # 5
It was very presumptious of them to invite him without your okay and let him get a ticket. I would feel bad not inviting him when he already has a ticket. We invited everyone over 18 with a date but I know not everyone can afford that.
Post # 6
stand your ground, if that’s what you want then she needs to respect that.
It was wrong of her to make any assumptions, regarding of NO rsvp’s.
I am dealing with a similar situation – I have told them too bad, so sad. They can come AFTER dinner but not for the whole wedding.
Post # 7
Pretty rude…. also why bother asking if they already told him to buy a plane ticket!
Personally though, I’d let it slide.
Post # 8
(p.s. if you do it for one, it’ll start a snowball effect.)
Post # 9
I think that’s really rude, and you could let your aunt know that, but then tell her well nothing we can do now, if he already has a plane ticket, I say let it slide. But I would probably let her know that I was a little upset that she did so without asking first, since you have a budget and didn’t appreciate her over stepping her bounds.
Post # 10
I agree that I would definitely let the aunt know how freakin’ rude this was, but then I would probably let it slide. I mean, he did already buy a plane ticket and there’s sort of nothing that can be done about that.
Post # 11
Thanks Ladies, I think you have calmed me down. It’s his side of the family and he is going to talk to her. He is also upset about it. But I think after reading your posts it’s best to let her know we have no choice but to let him come. Also, we will let her know that it was not cool to be so presumptious and back us into a corner. Thanks again!
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
In my own life, I’d be super pissed but probably let it slide because I am not confrontational, but this is what I would really be thinking:
He is not the first person I would want to fill an open spot. How rude and presumptuous that a plane ticket was bought without an invitation – and that the family extended an invitation without asking you. I’m sorry he spent the money but it’s really not my fault.
That being said, of course, I would probably let him come to avoid drama. But, man! In the words of Stephanie Tanner, “How rude!
Post # 13
Wait, he already bought a plane ticket for a wedding in October? And these kids are 19? Who the heck knows they will still be dating someone 6 months from now when they are 19? Are they super serious?
Anyways, if he really did buy a ticket (which I’m honestly suspicious of), I think you should tell her he can come, but flat out tell her, “Look, you have put me in a very awkward situation and I really wish you had not assumed an invitation is forth coming. I simply cannot afford to invite a date for every person in the family. But I am going to let this slide, on one condition: do not tell other people that I let him come and made an exception for him. If you do, it could end up costing me tons extra because everyone will want a date. I’m not talking just a couple hundred dollars, it could cost thousands. He can come, but please, keep it quiet.”
Honestly, don’t hesitate to let her know just what a sticky situation she has put you in. There is no need to be bitchy, just be matter of fact.
Post # 14
Are you kidding? What was the point in her asking…she basically just told you tough he is coming along anyway! And I’m sorry, but at 19 she does not need to bring her boyfriend along! That is just extremley rude and i would tell her that its just too bad he already bought they ticket and she better call the airline to see if he can get his money back! UGHHH! What is wrong with these people!
Post # 15
@monitajb: awesome suggestions.
Post # 16
Wow, I can’t believe that the aunt did this! Maybe he was already coming to see her that weekend and then your invite came along? Either way, I do think that unfortunately, to keep the peace, allow him to come. I’m with the other posters in that you should definitely make it quite clear what a very difficult situation they put you in. Sorry that the aunt did this, and I think you’re handling it very maturely.