Signs that a long-term relationship isn't working out

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7755 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

If the relationship leaves you feeling stressed, unhappy, nervous, unsafe, or resentful. Also if you need to write a post on the Bee to figure out whether to stay or go… You should prob just go.

Post # 3
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

HappySideUp:  When you don’t respect one another and your long term goals aren’t aligned.

Post # 4
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

HappySideUp:  When they make plans that don’t include you… or don’t use “we” terms when speaking of the future.

Post # 5
Member
842 posts
Busy bee

Some things I noticed were: sex diminishing or non existant, lack of wanting to spend time together, and a loss of respect. 

Post # 6
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

When it’s hard!

A relationship shouldn’t be hard work, it should be easy and just flow and the one happy constant you can rely on when everything else in life is crumbling.

Post # 7
Member
677 posts
Busy bee

Loss of respect, lack of excitement about the future (content acceptance is not the same thing!), feeling unsafe or unheard, diminishing attraction, fantasies and flirtations with others that you daydream about turning into something more, STRONG sexual attraction to someone else

Post # 8
Member
2636 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

bubbycakes:  I have to beg to differ…

obviously it’s just opinion but every married couple I’ve asked speaks about what hard work marriage is… I’ve had easy relationships and harder ones but I don’t necessarily feel like the harder ones were any worse

I would say if your core values shift it’s time to go….

Post # 10
Member
5026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

MeandMyLouboutins:  +1

I agree with Bubby that a relationship should be easy in the beginning. When I hear things like “We’ve been together 7 months. I’m trying to get him to go to couples counselling” I want to punch someone. If you’re having that many issues that early on, just break up FFS. That’s exactly what breakups were invented for.

But once that honeymoon phase is over and real life settles in, it does get hard and it does take work. It flows but also ebbs, and it’s not always easy and not always happy. That doesn’t mean throw in the towel. If you still respect each other and share common values, goals, and interests; and can picture yourselves still together and happy (for the most part!) in 5 or 10 years that is worth working to keep.

Post # 11
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

bubbycakes:  Yeah I have to disagree with that too, spending your entire life with one person should not always be easy. 

Post # 12
Member
6727 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

bubbycakes:  I agree. I don’t think you should give up when it’s hard, but for the most part it should be easy! 95% of the time, your relationship should be smooth sailing.

You shouldn’t be stressed out, you should look forward to spending time together, you shouldn’t fight all the time, you should have the same core values and beliefs, and you should be best friends! When you’re married to your best friend, yeah you have your disagreements, but for the most part it’s easy! Everyone says that the first year is the hardest, but honestly this year is flying by.

ETA: We got married on our 8 year dating anniversary.

Post # 13
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Peachytalk:  I definitely agree with the lack of wanting to spend time together and loss of respect, but I think less frequent sex is necessarily a sign that a long term relationship won’t work out. When SO and I first got together we had tons of sex, we were young and just focused on having fun. Once we got a little more serious, moved in together and had a lot of new responsibilities the sex definitely slowed down because we just had so many things on our plate.

 

OP, a big sign for me is when the communication stops. Also, when you’re unhappy more than you’re happy. In one of my past relationships, it was hard to ever remember the good times because they were always clouded by the bad times. It seemed like I was happy for every 5 times I was unhappy.

Post # 14
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

I think a long term relationship won’t work if the couple has different goals and prioritys and ideas. 

Post # 15
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee

When he gets jealous when you talk about spending time with your friends, male or female. Personal experience from my past here…

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