- 5 years ago
DH and I are majorly on the fence about whether or not we want to have children. We know that *if* we do have kids, we won’t TTC for at least four more years. For right now, we’re living our lives the way we want and enjoying this first little bit of marriage together.
However, anytime I even remotely mention something related to having children with my DH, my SIL makes a smart-assed comment and I am soo tired of it! She’ll say, “You need to wait until my baby is a little older so me and (her DH) can help you with yours. I have a feeling (my DH) won’t be much help.” Tonight I was holding her baby. I can love and admire a baby without wanting one. I guess she thought I was looking a little too comfortable with her child and she says, “She’s such a good baby!” I told her I agreed. Then she said, “Yeah, it wasn’t like that with (her older DD).” I asked her if her older DD was a bad baby (I wasn’t around, then) and she told me, “No, things were different. I didn’t have any help.” I said, “That definitely makes a huge difference!” She looked at me and said, “Yep, it sure does.” Just the look she gave me, I knew she was insinuating that I’d better not be thinking about wanting one because my DH won’t help me. I am soo tired of her shit!
She has no reason to keep saying this! DH has never had a child before. How do you know if he’ll be good with a kid or not? There is a lot he doesn’t know, because he’s never been a parent. My DH spends hours playing with his nieces and nephews and my siblings, so he’s good in that respect. But, he doesn’t know anything about parenting. That’s not his fault. Most men don’t know anything about parenting until their first child is born. The only reason SIL’s DH does is because she has a DD from a previous relationship that he’s helped raise.
This is just really under my skin tonight. I feel like I’m not allowed, ever, to talk about potentially having kids around SIL because EVERY time she turns up her nose and reminds me that my DH is not the perfect father like hers is. Right, because he’s not a father, period. If I say anything about names, or breastfeeding, or nursery ideas or just anything, SIL has to say something bitchy. I want to punch her! Like, what is up her ass? It feels like she’s trying to convince me to definitely never have children. First of all, we’re married adults. Whether we have children or not is none of anyone’s business but ours. If I thought my DH wasn’t worthy of being a father, I would not even consider having a child with him at all.
I have heard it several times from DH’s siblings that they don’t want us to have kids because they, “know DH’s kids will be the favorite grandchildren!” Which is completely childish and unfounded. But, maybe that’s why SIL is acting this way?