SIL drama-how do I react?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

daenerys30:  You don’t respond at all. She is your fiance’s sister, so he responds to her.

He tells her that if she won’t help with the rehearsal dinner he understands, but he can’t change the guest list. And (most importantly) he tells her that he is 100% in support of the guest list. Husband’s cousin doesn’t get an invite, sorry. (In fact you didn’t need to invite the sister’s parents-in-law either, even though you did).

Post # 3
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

aussiemum1248:  +1. wasting energy in her by being hurt over her manipulatve behavior…why? You’re giving into her making herself the center of attention. She’s is playing you brillantly.

Post # 4
558 posts
Busy bee

If she wants a wedding, let her plan her own! I agree do not respond allow your FI to handle her. She may think what she wants, she will anyway – remember perception is the truth to most, you and your FI know the actual truth let that be enough. Just say no and treat her like the child she is emulating! If she wants to through a tantrum then politely ask her to leave and remind her to accept the fact that this time it’s not about her. With people like that you have to set very strict boundaries, she acts the way she acts because she gets away with it, this may become an ongoing issue if you do not handle it firmly and promptly. She probably mostly does it around her family, as out there in the real world this kind of behavior is unacceptable. Good luck and stand unyielding in your decisions!

Post # 5
3650 posts
Sugar bee

We’ve been subjected to a SIL, who frequently says atrocious things, for over 30 years (25 married). She should have been put her in her place repeatedly, but we just avoid her, to keep from telling her off, or becoming a victim, once again, of her narcissism and histrionics.

Luckily, they moved hafway across the country, over 11 years ago. I stated then that “no one is going to force me to see that woman, ever again,” and I haven’t. On a visit 5 years ago (I was absent), it was the same-ole-same-ole, and my husband said “no woman I can’t stand is going to keep me away from seeing my brother.”

But it has. None of my family feels comfortable around them, or wants to be around them (including my adult children), so there is no relationship at all, anymore. 

You have to “nip this in the bud,” or you will be enabling and therefore encouraging this type of behavior, for the rest of your lives. And everyone will be suffering, for it. 

Post # 7
12 posts

My fiance’s family sounds really similar to yours – more estranged, where mine is much closer. I have a similar SIL situation — but from the beginning we agreed that my fiance would deal with his family and I would deal with mine. This is going to cause me way more tears and headaches than it will him but since my SIL to be has thrown temper tantrums at multiple weddings I’m glad I’m not him. Good luck! 

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