Post # 1
Long time lurker and I rarely post because I have been SO lucky with the wedding planning so far (engaged 2/15/13, wedding this March)! We have had virtually no problems with our venue, my dress, the cake, or our bridal party. The invites/RSVP cards went out recently and I just had to share this little story that made me laugh and realize something like this was bound to happen at some point:
My FI’s older brother lives in another state with his new wife– I’ve never met the brother in person and my FI has only met the wife (my future SIL by marriage) a handful of times. We’re FB friends and she seems nice from what I can gather. Anyway, they received our invite in the mail and she called my FMIL to ask if she can bring her mother and sister to the wedding! I guess they are coming to visit with them around the same time and figured they would ask. Thankfully my wonderful FMIL put a stop to it quickly by saying no because of budget restraints but still… just the story alone made me cringe with anticipation at what fresh hell I can expect when wrangling in the RSVPS for the next month.
It’s not the end of the world, I know, but I can’t believe things like this even happen. I hope I won’t have to haggle over +1’s and “can I bring my…?” questions too much. My brain might explode.
Post # 3
@ckbbride: She may be unfamilar with ettiquette or just figured she might as well try. Glad that your FMIL did not toss that heap of poop on to you. Some people just dont get it.
Stay strong. Hopefully nobody else will try that… chances are they will. Just stay strong and stick with your original list. I hate answering those type of questions too, its just sooooo awkward and uncomfortable.
Post # 4
@ckbbride: So glad your FMIL put a stop to it!!! Ha I’m sure there are going to be a couple of those along the way….but since your wedding planning has gone so smooth, that small amount of stress is okay! Just always reply in a polite way 🙂
ETA: It was very nice that she asked though instead of just assuming it was okay and adding them.
Post # 5
Wow, good thing your FMIL handled that well! Hopefully that’s the only weird request you get.
Post # 6
First off, if she wanted to bring extra people to your wedding, she should have called you or your FI directly. Ugh, some people are so clueless.
Post # 7
@ckbbride: Another way to look at this would be, that if your sister-in-law feels comfortable approaching her mother-in-law about a sensitive etiquette issue, it speaks well of your mother-in-law’s tact, and bodes well for your relationship with her when she becomes your mother-in-law. And it also speaks well of the family you are marrying into, that your future sister-in-law recognizes the obligations of hospitality and is unwilling either to cancel on her prior engagement with her houseguests, or to leave her houseguests to fend for themselves while she goes out to a party. It looks to me like she looked for a good compromise that would let her and her husband do their duty by their houseguests, and still do their duty by your husband.
Close friends — and family, who should be even closer — can tactfully ask a hostess for an invitation for a friend. As long as they are not insistent or implying entitlement, they really are doing nothing wrong. And the hostess may certainly say no, of course, with no blame attaching to her. But etiquette does not outlaw the simple polite inquiry, because etiquette is all about increasing conversations and interchanges between people, not diminishing them.
Post # 8
@ckbbride: good job to your FMIL!!!! For putting her in her place. I hate people that are rude like that