- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I’m a regular Bee gone undercover because, well, because don’t know how else to talk about this.
Short story long – my sister in law is an addict. She is 24 years old and has two children (ages 4 and 2.5) with two different guys. She spent the last two years in rehab for drug (cocaine) and alcohol abuse. She’s lost custody of both her children – they currently live with baby daddy #2 (father of the 2.5 year old). He’s a good person and his family takes really good care of the boys.
When SIL was released from rehab, she spent 2 months living in a local shelter. Father-In-Law won’t let her live with him because he doesn’t trust her. The years leading up to her stint in rehab is full of lying, stealing and tons of drama that he doesn’t want to deal with.
SIL doesn’t know this, but Father-In-Law has been financially assisting baby daddy #2 for care of the two boys. Father-In-Law helps to pay for food, clothes and medical care for the two boys.
BIL won’t let her live with him because he doesn’t believe she’s changed. He thinks she’s going to go back to crashing his car and stealing. Darling Husband won’t allow her to live with us for many of the same reasons (minus the car crashing).
I guess the reason I’m writing is because I feel incredibly conflicted. On the one hand, I can totally understand why Father-In-Law, Darling Husband and their family have reservations about SIL.
Since she’s been out of rehab she hasn’t exactly demonstrated that her attitude has changed. She’s begun dating someone a guy she met in the shelter. Last week she moved in with one of her old party friends (though she claims he’s calmed down).
Last weekend we were all supposed to go to FIL’s house for a BBQ and to spend time with the boys (SIL is on supervised visits with the kids). But she ended up cancelling last minute because she claimed she couldn’t get a ride. Apparently, she was at the new boyfriend’s house and the bus schedule was mixed up. (?!?)
And Aunt of Darling Husband is also in recovery (6 years clean, cocaine and alcohol abuse). She attends weekly NA meetings and has a very good support system. She has offered to bring SIL to meetings with her and introduce her to some people her age in the program. For whatever reason SIL is very resistant and says she doesn’t need support groups.
Anyway. I guess the reason I’m posting is because I’m not quite sure what to do. On one hand, I totally understand why Darling Husband and his family feel the way they do. On the other hand, I feel bad for SIL and wish I could help her in some way. I’m just not sure how. I’ve offered to set her up on job interviews, and we’ve hung out a few times but I get the feeling that she would actually prefer to hang out with the new boyfriend instead of her family – or even her children.
Sorry, this is so long. I just needed to put this somewhere and get it off my chest. It’s so frustrating because she has so much potential and she’s just throwing it all away.
What would you guys do?