Post # 1
my SIL and her husband have been married for 6 years with no kids-not preventing, it’s just not happening. DH & I have been married a year and are thinking to start to ttc sometime within the next year or so.
I know my SIL would feel jealous if we were to get pregnant before her. Honestly, I just really wish she would just get pregnant so that I didn’t have to think about this.
I know that it is DH & my choice to have a baby ultimatly is our decision and really has nothing to do with my SIL. However I feel sorry and don’t want to make her jealous. I know she would be super kind and helpful if we were to have a baby-but she has also shared with me that she would feel resentment towards us.
I’d like to live my life guilt free all while being as supportive and sympathetic to my SIL’s feelings as possible. Any advice?
Post # 3
@mrshoneybee: are you pregnant now? If not yet I wouldn’t worry ab this until the time comes. You never know she could still get pregnant before you. Hopefully you won’t have issues getting pregnant but you never know.
Post # 4
I was worried my SIL would freak out if we got pregnant before her because she kind of likes the attention to be on her (not kind of, it’s fact). But you know, we told her when we got pregant and she was incredibly excited. She’s actually not ready to have a baby and her parents really wanted to be grandparents. So it took major pressure off her. She’s thrilled to be an aunt. You might be surprised.
Post # 5
Well, all you can do is be kind and gracious about it. If it hasn’t happened for them in 6 years, it sounds like she needs to get some help with conceiving but hasn’t done so yet.
Post # 6
@mrshoneybee: I think you’re overthinking this….plus it’s a crap shoot no matter who’s holding the gun…who knows what your own journey of TTC might hold…she could be a wonderful friend and confidante through your own process and that would be amazing, right?
Post # 7
@mrshoneybee: You’re not even pregnant yet. I wouldn’t worry about it. When my sister (who is 9 years younger than me!) got pregnant everyone thought I would be jealous but that was not even close to how I felt! Don’t worry about it. She’ll love being an aunt and maybe it’ll prompt her to take more control like seeing a fertility specialist or looking into adoption.
Post # 8
My husband and I have been trying for over two years now and my sister just gave birth to her third child. Seeing other people get pregnant sucks so much for someone who is having so many problems with it.
My sister and I talked about her trying to get pregnant whe she decided that they were going to try and I was honest about it. I told her that it would really hurt to hear and it might be hard for me to be close to her during that time. She respected what I had to say and said that it made her sad but she understood.
When the time came for her to tell me she was pregnant she was really nice about it. She just called me and let me know, which was a lot easier than in person because I knew I couldn’t act all excited. She respected that I needed time to process what was going on and be okay with it.
The best advice that I can give you is to be patient with her. Don’t feel guilty though, she knows that you aren’t doing it to hurt her. But if you are going to be super excited about it just try not to talk to her about it because it will just make her sad. Tell her in a more intimate setting so that she has time to process it. And please, don’t complain about your pregnancy symptoms to her. My sister always complained to me and I hated it.
Congrats on trying though, so exciting!
Post # 9
You are’t even going to try to conceive for another year so worrying about this now will do you no good nor does it make any sense. Who knows where your SIL will be in her journey in a year or how yours will pan out? I would take this one day at a time if I were you and not overthink this quite so soon.
Post # 10
If you do end up getting pregnant before her, I’d just try and be respectful of her feelings. If it’s hard to be around you or consistantly talk about baby stuff, just keep those things in mind.
Post # 11
@Birdee106: Best advice yet!
Post # 12
I think that there are ways to be very kind to her if this were to happen, just like there are ways to make her feel worse. You know you have to do what is best for you and your husband. It’s a hard situation because of course she’s going to be a little jealous. I hope soon she’ll decide to look into assistance conceiving from a doctor if they’re serious, because six years of not preventing and no preganncies would be a cause for concern for me. With any luck, maybe you’ll be raising children of similar ages.
Post # 13
Post # 14
I’ve been ttc for 3 years with 6 miscarriages. My SIL got pregnant just about the same time I did with my first and announced very carefully to me just after our miscarriage. It hurt. I can’t help that it did, but at the same time I was thrilled for her. I guess my point is that if you were my SIL, I wouldn’t want you to put your life on hold for me. You just don’t know what life has in store. BUT, I’d take a page out of my SIL’s book and if you do end up pregnant before her, let her know privately so she doesn’t find out from a friend of a friend or facebook. Yes my SIL’s announcement hurt, but she did it with as much tact, discrection and sympathy as she could because she knew what we were going through.
Post # 16
This is not your problem. You are not responsible for her feelings. And you can’t live your life trying to please everyone else. If you and your husband want to have a baby then go for it.