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=( I'm sorry that you're hurt about this. On first read it definately seems as though she's leaving you out.
However, she IS including your daughters, so maybe she thinks that she's including you through them?
I would suggest offering to help her with wedding things. =) I'm sure that she would be glad to have you helping, and maybe she just thought that you wouldn't want to be involved at that level! I wouldn't push her to make you a bridesmaid, but definately make the offer to help. I wouldn't tell her right off the bat how hurt you were, though, just because it might make her feel guilty, and she won't be as likely to be open with you.
The thing that I keyed in on here is that the other FSIL is not part of the wedding party. People have lots of reasons for choosing their wedding party, and those reasons aren't always readily apparent. I decided a long time ago (when one of my best friends got married and I wasn't one of the bridesmaids) that I could either be hurt by these kind of slights or buckle down and pitch in where I can. I've been a heck of a lot happier since then. Carrying around jealousy and hurt takes a lot of energy.
I came to find out a year later why I was not included in my friend's bridal party, and it made perfect sense. (The entire party was South Asian, and I wasn't going to be able to be at the Mendhi ceremony due to work obligations). I'm so glad I didn't carry around the hurt!
Are you guys close? Is she close with everyone else? She can't include everyone realistically, maybe offer to help her still though? She might ask you to help otherwise, just not be a bridesmaid. Perhaps a reading or something. Hopefully she doesn't just exclude you completely.
I can see why it's irking you, but honestly, she asked her fiance's sister and her 3 friends to stand up with her which is pretty reasonable. I only chose my friends. I'm guessing you meant that you are the other FSIL, right? Not that you and another FSIL aren't included?
She probably isn't including you for sake of exclusion, it's just that maybe she wanted 4 ladies standing up with her (sounds like 5 would make it uneven) and she just wanted her FI's sister and 3 friends. If you guys are close, that's a different story.
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ultimately its her decision. I understand why you are upset but perhaps she thinks you are included by proxy through your daughters. I would let her know that you are willing to help out in other ways and do so graciously!
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I think asking your daughters to be Junior BM's is her way of including you. I understand that you're hurt, but maybe you can see it that way too. Especially if she doesn't really have a strong independent relatilnship with them, it's actually a pretty nice gesture. I don't think it can have a good outcome if you address it with her directly...but does your FI have any insight into this? Maybe he can subtly feel out his brother about how they chose their BP. But I would hesitate to have him ask about it directly, b/c it'll get back that it's coming from you.
no, you shouldn't have a reason to feel left out. i'm assuming the bride is your fiance's sister. well, she made her future husband's sister as moh and her 3 friends as bridesmaid. she probably have a stronger relationship with her groom's sister rather than her brother's sister. or she's trying to have a stronger relationship with her groom's sis.
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I was wondering if anyone would do in my situation. My FSIL is having her future SIL (the grooms sister) as her Matron of Honor and 3 friends as bridesmaids and my two girls as junior bridesmaids, same FSI's daughter as the flower girl. Her nephew is the ringbearer and her brother, brother in law and a friend and brother in law (FSIL husband) on the men side. That's the whole family, Oh except me the other FSIL the only immediate family member not in the wedding (my son too, but he's not able to be in it). Am I being silly to be upset or do I have the right to feel left out????
deeplyhurt