(Closed) Sil not included in wedding

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

=( I’m sorry that you’re hurt about this. On first read it definately seems as though she’s leaving you out.

However, she IS including your daughters, so maybe she thinks that she’s including you through them?

I would suggest offering to help her with wedding things. =) I’m sure that she would be glad to have you helping, and maybe she just thought that you wouldn’t want to be involved at that level! I wouldn’t push her to make you a bridesmaid, but definately make the offer to help. I wouldn’t tell her right off the bat how hurt you were, though, just because it might make her feel guilty, and she won’t be as likely to be open with you.

Post # 4
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

The thing that I keyed in on here is that the other FSIL is not part of the wedding party.  People have lots of reasons for choosing their wedding party, and those reasons aren’t always readily apparent.   I decided a long time ago (when one of my best friends got married and I wasn’t one of the bridesmaids) that I could either be hurt by these kind of slights or buckle down and pitch in where I can.  I’ve been a heck of a lot happier since then.  Carrying around jealousy and hurt takes a lot of energy.

I came to find out a year later why I was not included in my friend’s bridal party, and it made perfect sense.  (The entire party was South Asian, and I wasn’t going to be able to be at the Mendhi ceremony due to work obligations).  I’m so glad I didn’t carry around the hurt!

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Are you guys close? Is she close with everyone else? She can’t include everyone realistically, maybe offer to help her still though? She might ask you to help otherwise, just not be a bridesmaid. Perhaps a reading or something. Hopefully she doesn’t just exclude you completely.

I can see why it’s irking you, but honestly, she asked her fiance’s sister and her 3 friends to stand up with her which is pretty reasonable. I only chose my friends. I’m guessing you meant that you are the other FSIL, right? Not that you and another FSIL aren’t included? 

She probably isn’t including you for sake of exclusion, it’s just that maybe she wanted 4 ladies standing up with her (sounds like 5 would make it uneven) and she just wanted her FI’s sister and 3 friends. If you guys are close, that’s a different story.

Post # 6
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

ultimately its her decision. I understand why you are upset but perhaps she thinks you are included by proxy through your daughters. I would let her know that you are willing to help out in other ways and do so graciously!

Post # 7
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think asking your daughters to be Junior BM’s is her way of including you.  I understand that you’re hurt, but maybe you can see it that way too.  Especially if she doesn’t really have a strong independent relatilnship with them, it’s actually a pretty nice gesture.  I don’t think it can have a good outcome if you address it with her directly…but does your FI have any insight into this?  Maybe he can subtly feel out his brother about how they chose their BP.  But I would hesitate to have him ask about it directly, b/c it’ll get back that it’s coming from you.

Post # 8
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

no, you shouldn’t have a reason to feel left out.  i’m assuming the bride is your fiance’s sister.  well, she made her future husband’s sister as moh and her 3 friends as bridesmaid.  she probably have a stronger relationship with her groom’s sister rather than her brother’s sister.  or she’s trying to have a stronger relationship with her groom’s sis. 

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