Post # 1
I got married this year, and planned out my vacation time very carefully so that I would have enough time off for my honeymoon and other committments throughout the year. I even saved an “extra” day for unforeseen events, but that day is now being used up for just that purpose.
Now I find out that my new sister-in-law is getting married at 2:00pm on a Friday afternoon. I work full-time about 3 hours’ drive from where the ceremony is taking place.
If it was anyone outside of my immediate family getting married, I would not even think twice about RSVPing no. But, this is my new SIL, and I know the game has changed because now she is my family too. Does etiquette require me to be at this wedding? Is it OK to skip the ceremony if it turns out the reception is later on in the day and I can make it to that with no problem?
It’s not that I don’t want to go…it’s just that the timing is incredibly inconvenient. :/
Post # 2
I would just be honest and say that I would love to be there but unfortunately I have no more time off available Mon-Fri. Honestly anyone that plans a Friday wedding (especially an afternoon wedding) needs to understand that there are a lot of people that just won’t/can’t make it.<br />
Post # 3
Well if you have to work you have to work I think she will understand if you explain to her that you can’t make it to the ceremony because you have. I vacation left or personal time at work however since the reception is later in the day you , you will be able to attend I think she will understand if you speak to her
Post # 4
marie_antoinette: I think planning a wedding on a Friday afternoon, she runs the risk of this happening. I would tell her that you are going to do everything you can to make it, but with your own wedding you have no vacation time left.
Can you work some extra hours and bank the time to be able to take it off? Could you make up the day on a holiday or weekend (I don’t know how your office works…mine is usually pretty flexible as long as the work gets done).
Do you have a day booked off that you don’t NEED to take – ie; right now I have the entire week before my wedding booked as vacation – I really don’t NEED the whole week, Wed-Fri I have things scheduled, the Mon and Tues are just in case days.
Post # 5
This is the risk someone takes when they schedule a wedding during the week so she should be understanding of this situation. I’m also very careful about planning out my vacation days so I understand the predicament you are in.
How flexible is your work? Would they let you work extra hours that weekend/week? Or let you borrow time from next year? I personally don’t think I would borrow time because I already have so little time as is I would hate to take a day away from my vacation next year.
How does your husband feel about it? If he’s okay with you missing the ceremony and thinks his sister well be okay with it, I wouldn’t go (at least not to the ceremony).
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - The Meeting House/DoubleTree by Hilton
marie_antoinette: Do you have any flexibility at work where you could work extra hours earlier in the week to take Friday off or where you could go into negative vacation hours and then just work them back? Or take an unpaid day? Not awesome solutions, but I’ve seen people do them in the past. My employers have been pretty good with all of those.
If not, just explain the situation and try to make it to as much as you can. Your husband should go for the whole thing, though.
Post # 7
Thanks, all, for your suggestions!
Unfortunately, the vacation time I have already accounted for are all days that I do need to take – none of them are “fluff” time. And the kicker is that my one big annual commitment that I booked most of my remaining vacation days for, also happens to be the entire week before her Friday wedding. My work is pretty flexible about banking extra time…so I can ask…but I’m afraid it will make me look really bad if I am gone for the whole week prior, and then ask to bank extra hours to be out the following Friday.
But it sounds like I’m probably going to need to bite the bullet and ask about flexing my time or taking the day unpaid – if not a whole day, at least partial.
Post # 8
I would try to go if at all possible. If you can’t, I’d at least send the husband for the ceremony (he really can’t miss his sister’s wedding), and join him for the reception.
Post # 9
marie_antoinette: I am a family first gal, but I also enjoy common sense. One would hope when SIL planned her wedding she realized that while a friday wedding would save her money it would also be inconvenient if not impossible for 99% of the guests. Tell her the truth, you don’t have anymore vacation time. If she is really upset or disappointed, let her know you can make it to the reception but sadly not the ceremony.
Post # 10
I agree with PPs. She picked a weekday wedding and this was bound to happen. I would just inform her you used all available vaction and won’t be able to attend the ceremony. If the reception is later, then perhaps you could still attend that. Check with your boss and see, as it sounds your work is pretty flexible. I would just work extra hours the following week. I’m sure they would understand that this was not a choice of yours, but you’re trying to be there for family. If not, then you have to work and others will have to accept it.
Post # 11
Luayne: +1. Be honest and explain that you have no vacation time left and will be unable to make it to the ceremony, but do your best to make the reception.
Post # 12
marie_antoinette: Please don’t “bite the bullet” and take an unpaid day. If you can make it work where you can get the necessary time off, go. But if there is absoultely no way to make it work without taking an unpaid day, don’t go. Your job is much more important than one wedding. If your FSIL does not understand that, I wouldn’t worry about offending her.
My FI’s aunt had to take time off for surgery this year. My FFIL and some of his sibblings are raising a fuss about it, but I have told them to stop. It’s one day, and not worth her having trouble at work for attending. I would be much more upset if she did come and hurt her career than that she didn’t come, and my FI agrees with me.
Post # 13
I’d ask about the possibility of flex. If that is a no go tell her you don’t have any vacation time left and that you are very sorry. Your husband should go for the wedding even without you.
Post # 14
take a day off without pay
Post # 15
marie_antoinette: are you in a position to take unpaid leave that day? One day without pay would be ok for me financially but may not be for you? Or could you do compressed hours one week to get the Friday off (so work a extra Mon to Thurs to make up the hours). Really though your SIL in planning a Friday afternoon wedding should be aware that it’s going to make it hard to attend for some. As close family though I’d do everything I could to be there, bar jeopardising my employment.