SIL uninvited to brother's wedding

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

Kmama:  what a B.

Honestly, that is pretty messed up to shun someone out like that for trying to explain their financial hardship.

I am surprised at your brother’s behavior in this. Has he told you to just go anyway? Since you were considering going, or was that your parents pushing you to go?

Honestly, if it was me i would probably go only because i would want to be there for my brother and see all my family, however if you think it would cause more drama or that she would cause a scene on the day, i wouldn’t attend. 

Post # 3
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Sounds like a shitty situation.  However, if they DO invite you to the wedding, I really think you need to go.  Be the bigger person and be there for your brother.  I think you’ll regret it if you don’t go.  Ideally, this is the only wedding your brother will have, so you should be there for him.  

Post # 4
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Either she’s actually deranged or there’s something missing.. Its completely whack to ‘allow’ your FI to disinvite your sister to your wedding. Is it at all possible that he doesn’t know she did this? If he does know, what reasoning did she give him to justify it? Did anything else happen around the time you stepped down from being in the bridal party? This just seems so ridiculous.

If you get an invite, attend. Its so much fun to be the bigger person.


Post # 5
151 posts
Blushing bee

It really sounds like there is something missing from this story.  You politely told your brother you could not be a bridesmaid due to financial hardship, he said he understood, then later you recieved a text message from his fiance saying you are no longer welcomed at the wedding?  If that’s really all that happened, she’s an insane person.  But I suspect something else happened in between…

Post # 6
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


Kmama:  hmmm. Did you tell your brother’s fiance personally that you didn’t want to be a bridesmaid? or did you just tell your brother and let him break the news? I could *possibly* see why she would be miffed if you just had your brother say “my sister doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid because of x, y and z”. that should have been a conversation you had with her directly. If you had a good relationship, you should have approached her and explained why you weren’t comfortable being in the wedding, and then thanked her for asking you to be a part of their day. Assuming you just had a conversation with your brother and not with his fiance, I could totally see that being an issue.

Post # 7
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I don’t mean to project, but…

Is it possible you outstayed your welcome at your brother’s and it was causing tension?  (I assume you were living with him because of the word choice- HE decided you needed a new place to stay.)  I wouldn’t like to live with my pregnant/soon-to-be-parent sibling and their significant other either.

Were you treating the wedding as an “introduce baby to the world” event?  Because it’s not.  It’s a nice side event, but it’s not the main show.  I say this because of this sentence right here: “It is just a big shame all our family is coming from out of town for the wedding and to see my new baby.”  That could cause hurt feelings, especially if you were “baby this, baby that.”

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be invited- I think you should be!- but it seems like we’re missing something here.  It’s irrational behavior otherwise.

Post # 8
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

At the end of the day your brother is allowing for this. Because my SO could not and would not DARE send my sibling a text like that. 

Post # 9
3653 posts
Sugar bee


Apple_Blossom:  I agree 100%, about the importance of a wedding vs. meeting a baby. 

My niece wanted to bring her uninvited toddler, to my daughter’s wedding. She thought it would be a great opportunity for him to meet relatives. We put our foot down. Of course, she didn’t invite children to her wedding …

Post # 10
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Kmama:  I agree that there must be something else going on here, otherwise your FSIL is nuts.

If you do receive an invite, I would go.  The reason being that hopefully this is just a huge misunderstanding or a girl who can’t handle the stresses of planning a wedding and is letting it get to her head, overwhelm her and make bad decisions.  I could see this blowing over and you guys resolving this down the line, and being incredibly remorseful that you missed your brother’s wedding because you were being stubbon.  Not that you don’t have a fair excuse to be upset…but for the future of your family, this is an event that I don’t think you should miss if you finally do receive an invite.

Have you spoken to your brother at all to understand what her motivation is?  It doesn’t make any sense.  It’s so sad when people let petty drama cloud what should be a really positive celebration.

Post # 11
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Kmama:  It sucks that your brother is marrying such a witch. I hope your brother does the right thing and invites you. 

If not, can you at least go to the ceremony? You don’t need an invitation for a ceremony. 

Post # 12
2798 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


Apple_Blossom:  Thats what I read into this as well.  

I would examin what you have said about the wedding.  Was it more along the lines of “I’m so excited for brother and FSIL’s wedding,” or was it “I’m so excited for everyone to meet my baby at brother and FSIL’s wedding.”  It’s selfish to uninvite a family member for it, but you can read any number of threads about how scared brides are about the new baby taking over “their day.”   She might feel that you are taking over her time with the new child and the attention that was going to be on her will now be on you and your child.  Everyone wants their moment in the sun.  I would try to find a time where you can clear the air directly with FSIL and brother. 

Post # 13
1313 posts
Bumble bee

I feel liket here’s a dynamic between the two of you that is missing in your post.


I aso think that THEIR wdding is not the venue to introduce your baby to the family nd if she feels you are planning on hijacking the wedding I understand her actions.  Not saying she’s right, just that if that is how she perceives the situation I would  understand her action.

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