SIL/Kids Issues

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sounds like my family. People can’t go on vacation without everyone else trying to tag along. My FSIL’s kids are also terrors who run amuck and destroy.

I can’t see any way out of it other than telling her that you and the parents have specific plans, and she’s welcome to come IF she can secure her own lodgings. You can stick to your plans without leaving her out. Don’t be a doormat. You aren’t required to rearrange your vacation for her. I wouldn’t go so far as to tell her she isn’t invited, though. It also wouldn’t hurt to compromise by coming up with one or two kid-friendly activities for the group to do.

 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would let your husband know that you need to get something off of your chest that has been bothering you. I would begin with the disclaimer that you aren’t trying to talk badly about his family, but some of the things that are going on bother you and you just want to be honest with him. 

You could even begin with something like “Sweetheart, I have something that I need to get off my chest. It’s about your sister and her kids, I don’t want to talk badly about them and truly love them, yet some of the things that are going on with them have been bothering me lately. Would it be okay if I was honest with you about it?”

That way, it leaves the ball in his court. 

 

Post # 5
Member
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@MsW-to-MrsM:  +100

 

Stick to your plans, OP. Tell her you have made the arrangements for this specific island and this specific setup, and definitely be firm that the kid won’t be in with you!

Post # 6
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@orchidaloha:  Wow. What a handful! You are absolutely right… you just have to approach this gentley. You are not being unreasonable. Just talk to your husband. Make sure you stick to your guns. Tell them that this is not the vacation you’d planned and maybe that trip can happen later (little white lie).

Post # 7
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@orchidaloha:  I don’t know the type of relationship you have with you DH, but DH and I are veyr open about any issues we may have with one another’s family.

Since you ahd DH are the ones that started this planning and you are spending so much $$ on it, I would make a big stink about it because lets be honest, misbehaved kids will ruin it. I also don’t like that she wants to change islands to accomodate the kids. This is YOUR vacation, no hers, and she invited herself.

I would tell you DH that he needs to speak to his sister and say that you are not changing islands, this is supposed to be an adult vacation. Or she can bring the kids, but she will be staying in her own condo, we will not be all together as you want peace and quiet, and there is nothing wrong saying that. You don’t have kids, not sure if you plan on having them, but even so, you are right, you shouldn’t have to vacation as if you do have kids. Put your foot down!

Post # 8
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@orchidaloha:  Well, this sounds fun. I think I’m most weirded out by the fact that your SIL thinks the oldest needs to stay in your room because they never see you… that’s just… odd.

I think the biggest thing you need to have is a united front. I would broach it carefully and almost non-threateningly in the idea of asking (quite innocently) what your husband was looking forward to on this vacation.. I think the big thing is to ask if he thinks changing the island, changing the activities, changing sleeping arrangements, is realistic or even fair considering it is not just your SIL’s vacation (yes I know she invited herself but you have to allow that to slide… if she comes, she comes.)

The biggest thing you have is that YOUR parents are coming too, so you could present to your husband about how difficult it will be “splitting” that time. Once you start getting into the logistics, I think you and your husband might see eye to eye that if she wants to come, she plays by everyone else’s rules too, not just her own.

Its a tricky situation. But the big thing is this is his sister and he needs to manage her with his family. I know thats frustrating, but after many an issues with my SIL over the years, I’ve learned to voice my opinion and back the hell out of it.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@orchidaloha:  any update? 100% your husband needs to shut it down ASAP. Who does that? SMDH

Post # 11
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I thnk that DH should just tell her that the condos work better for older people, and give her contact informaiton for condo association.  As to YOUR finding kid friendly stuff, nope, that is on her.  DH should also tell her that YOUR siblings are not coming, and this is an opportunity for the parents to spend time togethor.  As to them staying at your house, nope.

Post # 12
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@orchidaloha:  This trip is for you, your fiancé and the two sets of parents. I dont see how she is involved at all. I would tell her that you are doing this with just the parents.

If you have already planned and booked a non kid friendly vacation then its done.

This whole thing sounds really crazy. Who invites themselves on other peoples vacations. AND rooms their child with someone else????

Also you sound way to nice. Get mad dammit. We cant be mad for you…. well we can but we cant tell your DH to lay down the law for you.

Its his sister, he needs to have this conversation with her.

Bees are saying this is a tricky situation. I think its pretty clear cut. “Can we come?” “No!”

Besides if you hurt her feelings maybe they wont come over as much….

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