Silly question-how do you know you're waiting?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I think waiting is very personal. Ultimately it’s up to you how you want to think about the situation. Some people start waiting 3 years into the relationship (me) while others wait from a few dates in. I know for me it started when he started joking about marriage and our friends started getting engaged and married. So that’s when we first had our timeline talk. Even though at that point he said 1-3 years, from that moment I felt like I was waiting. Now every time we talk about it, even briefly, it solidifies the fact that he wants the same things I do and in a sense we’re waiting together (through finances, school, etc.). 

In a nutshell, given that your SO says all of these wonderful things about you, I don’t think you’ree too far off 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

I’d reckon it’s a personal thing for how you’d like to define yourself :3

 

I personally don’t have any kind of time line from BF, it’s all speculation on my part, so really I’m only wishing or hoping without hope, hurr. I am setting deadlines and making deals with myself though, like when we get to 2 and a half years I’d like to tell him that if we aren’t engaged by year 4 I’ll start planning it out myself, and I’m trying not to ask about his time line until our 3rd anniversary, so I’m kind of waiting for little things like that lol, helps regain a bit of control on my end :3

But other girls would probably want to labelthemselves differently, it’s all just semantics ^^

Post # 5
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Definitely personal.

There are gals who decide they are waiting/expecting a proposal after one conversation where the guy mentions wanting to get married in the most general sense. I personally didn’t consider myself a candidate for engagement until he flat out told me “how do you feel about getting engaged in the next six months?”

Post # 6
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I considered my self “waiting” after we talked about when we want to get married and he kept mentioning going on a honeymoon next year. I considered myself “officially” waiting about a month ago when he called up my best friend and told her he is going to do it soon and asked for her help. This was right around the time I left a picture of a ring on his computer as a hint and he immediately asked me how much it was and if that was “the one”. I think waiting is very individual and it can either be an imaginary timeline someone has in their head or a more concrete timeline based on serious conversations they’ve had with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Post # 7
Member
2766 posts
Sugar bee

I waited to add myself to the list until we talked about a definite timeline. We jokingly discussed getting married a few weeks in, but it wasn’t until he flat-out told me, “I want to introduce you to my family in November as my future wife” that I added myself to the waiting list and started allowing my daydreams to go wild.

I think that there are a lot of women here and otherwise who put themselves and their relationships through some unnecessary heartache because they start waiting on an engagement/marriage way before their partner is ready – or wait and expect it without having at least one small conversation to assess if he’s on the same page or not.

Post # 8
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

SO and I talked from the start of our relationship about getting married. However, I didn’t consider myself “waiting” until I started looking for all the signs that he might propose – especially once he knew my ring size and style preferences.

Post # 9
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don’t think I can answer that for you because your relationship sounds very different from my own.

We had been together about 6 years before we transitioned from casual wedding jokes (I paid no attention to these) to seriously talking about our expectations for marriage. We only had about 2 serious talks, then nothing for about 8 months or so. 

After he proposed, I asked him what his thought process was over the years, and he said he just woke up one day and realized he was an idiot for not proposing years sooner than he did.

He actually apologized for taking so long to propose. I told him it wasn’t a big deal; I respected the fact that while marriage and commitment are issues we both should agree on, the timing of the proposal is solely his responsibility. We weren’t in any particular rush, no medical, financial or other issues, so I just trusted that he would eventually propose.

Post # 10
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

To be honest, I never considered myself waiting for anything. We lived together in happily unmarried bliss for years and years before we both realised that the time was now right to get married. However, I had been married before, had already had children and knew that we were in a permanent committed relationship. So the idea of having to have a timeline didn’t occur to me. There were many, many things in my life that were more important than a marriage proposal.  

Post # 11
Member
29 posts
Newbee

There are two types of waiting.

Waiting because you are ready for marriage, but SO is not. There’s nothing wrong with this or “unofficial” about this, but sometimes we women go crazy at this point. See the next paragraph.

Waiting because you know a proposal is coming – i.e. SO takes you ring shopping, asks your preferences, actively browses rings online, tells you he would like to be married or engaged by X date. Notice that I said SO does these things; it’s not the same as you pointing rings out to him or bringing the subject up yourself. The latter things tend to happen in the first type of waiting, leading many women to decide that a proposal is coming when, in fact, all the ring and marriage talk has been one sided.

Some women have total surprise proposals as well.

From your post, I see that you have been together for 6 months. Your SO sounds quite smitten with you, but I see nothing that indicates an imminent proposal. You don’t even really know him yet at this point; you are welcome to wait, but don’t expect anything for a long time.

 

Post # 12
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

sounds like an offical wait. he knows you want to get married SOON and he seems pretty darn into it. 😉

 

I wasnt waiting untill year 4  because i didnt decide i wanted to get married until then. i mean i knew i would marry him from the start but offically i wanted to be engaged and start planning. i expressed it to him and thats when i think the time line starts. it took me till year 6 for a proposal.

Post # 14
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I didn’t consider myself waiting until he actually bought the ring. Like PP have said, it’s all deeply personal.

Post # 15
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i considered myself waiting the day we picked out and ordered our rings. we had been talking about marriage for a few months, but we didn’t put ourselves on a timetable and there was no pressure on either of us. after we bought the rings and the wedding talks became more frequent and more serious, i was positive that he’d pop the question within a year. but i didn’t have to wait a year. 3 months after buying the ring, he asked me to marry him.

Post # 16
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

i considered myself waiting when he got drunk and tlet it slip on my birthday that the was waiting for the ring to be shipped, he also told me that i wont be number 1 on the waiting list and told me that he showed someone at work a photo of the ring

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