SIL's odd behavior during and after the wedding

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

HeartsandSparkles:  My first thought is that there is something going on in her life- marriage problems, a miscarriage? Something had to trigger her crying and I’m betting that it wasn’t your wedding.

I’d bet that it has nothing to do with you.

Post # 3
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

That’s definitely strange behavior.  But maybe she has something going on personally, that she didn’t want to burden you guys with on your big day.  If she just didn’t like you or didn’t support your marriage, I’d think she would have made it known before now.  

Post # 4
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I am really reaching to figure out how you could type all those things and come to the conclusion that this is about you?

It is pretty obvious that your SIL is going through something and quite possibly that happy happy family occassions are not something she can deal with at the moment. 

Post # 5
Member
1957 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

Yep, ditto what PPs said. Something is going on in her world. Or she’s on drugs. who knows.

Post # 7
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

 Is this usual behaviour for her if she isnt centre of attention? 

If it is then I would igmore it and not bring it up. If it isn’t then I think something is definitely going on and I would maybe reach out to her in a couple of days.

Post # 8
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

HeartsandSparkles:  Try not to make this about you. No matter what made her cry she was obviously emotionally upset and was simply unable to stay at the wedding any longer.

I’m really having a hard time understanding why you can’t show some empathy to her situation.

Post # 9
Member
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It seems like something triggered her at your wedding, or that something happened while they were there. Has she been on fb lately? I’m always baffled when people use FB to decide if a person likes them or not. Maybe something came up and she doesn’t have time for FB. Maybe if you reach out to her, she’ll tell you either what’s going on or let you know it’s something personal that she wishes to not talk about. It really doesn’t seem like it’s against you. 

Post # 10
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I highly, highly doubt that this is about the wedding, but if she broke down like that at the wedding, I also highly doubt that she wants to be reminded of that by looking at wedding related Facebook stuff.

I would send her a card in the mail, something that needed effort, so not an email, saying that you hope that everything is ok and that you and husband are there if she needs to talk, but no pressure.

It definitly sounds like something is wrong, likely perhaps a misscarriage (though I hope not), because her husband still seemed to support her so it’s unlikely to be a break down in the marriage.

 

ETA: I just read that you and your husband are personally upset by it and wondering if you should cut her out of your lives – WTH?!?!?!

This is NOT about you, she did her part, she was at the ceromony, the most important part of the day, she supported you when she is obviously going through something terrible, and now you can’t even support her?! Family is for good times AND bad and sometimes those times coincide and you have to deal with both at the same time. She did that to the best of her ability, now it’s time for you to show her what a non-abusive family is really like and treat her with the respect and kindess that you should. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Everdeen.
Post # 12
Member
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

HeartsandSparkles:  Hmmm, I do get why you’re hurt. Out of the blue? Nothing happened? Do you know if they have been having problems? Were they TTC? I would think she would let you know if it were about you. I just think if it were suddenly, that something happened, especially since they flew home early and everything. Maybe just make sure (or have your DH do it) that she’s okay. I’d be more worried than mad if nothing happened and she all of a sudden was crying. Has she posted on FB since your wedding? Is she just avoiding talking about your wedding or has she not posted at all? I would be super worried if she was a regular poster and went AWOL. 

Post # 13
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

HeartsandSparkles:  I am guessing she is going through something and didn’t want to mention it ebcause she didn’t want to ruin your day… I wouldn’t think that anything you mentioned would be a reason to cut her out of your lives unless there is some serious backstory we are missing… I would just message her and say you guys noticed they left early and that she seemed upset and that if something is up and she wants to chat you are there for her.

Post # 15
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

HeartsandSparkles:  Why don’t you just ask her what’s up? Word it in a tactful way that will make it clear that she doesn’t need to talk to you about it if she doesn’t feel comfortable doing that, but also in a way that will make it clear that you feel a bit paranoid in case it’s something to do with you marrying her brother. It sounds to me like she’s going through a rough time.. TTC, arguments with her husband, a health problem..it could be any number of issues… I would just talk to her about it before coming to any conclusions.

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