- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
Okay ladies I am trying really hard not to be a bridezilla but my FI & my other bridesmaids are all starting to get fed up with one bridesmaid and her lack of responsiveness. I just don’t know what to do. First let me tell you about the situation at hand. We sent out messages with the details about the bachelor/bachelorette party 2 weeks ago, saying we needed people to let us know if they were coming on not by Tuesday of this week (as we have things that need to be booked in advance). When we hadn’t heard back from two people we messaged both of them asking for a response. One got back to us right away saying they weren’t sure and would get right back to us about it, which they did. The other one is a bridesmaid I have been having issues getting responses out of, and she has yet to get back to us (even though I know she’s been online everyday. We need to book stuff by this weekend and she is now the only one we haven’t heard from. She also hasn’t responded to messages from my MOH and actually went as far to block her when she tried to add her as a friend on Facebook.
I am thinking of sending her a message saying “I hate saying this but we have to book the bachelor/bachelorette party by this weekend and everyone else has gotten back to us. So if I haven’t heard from you by tomorrow night at 5pm I am going to have to assume you can’t come. I hope you can understand”
Do you think I would be out of line if I did that? We just can’t wait much longer before booking and really we missed out on deals by not booking yet. I have included back story about what’s been going on with her, for anyone will to listen.
I started asking her to get together in June of last year as I wanted to ask her in person. She kept telling me she was too busy and that we would get together soon. Fast forward to December, she kept making excuse after excuse (as did another girl I wanted to ask). So on December 8th I emailed both of them asking if they wanted to be my bridesmaid. The other girl got back to me within 24 hours wicked excited. This girl didn’t get back to me until I emailed her a second time on December 15th. She was all apologetic, saying she had been busy with the upcoming holidays. Which I completely understood.
Just after Christmas I found out that if we were going to order the dresses from a bridal store that I needed to get on it ASAP. I was having issues finding a dress that would fit all the different girls, as I didn’t know their sizes. So on December 27th I emailed asking for either their dress size or bust size so I could figure out which dress styles would fit everyone. Everyone but this one bridesmaid got back to me within 48 hours and since she was the smallest I was able to start looking for options even without her response. Since it was just after Christmas I wasn’t expecting to hear from people right away.
I did research and then on January 5th I send emails to all the girls with style options for the dress (we couldn’t meet in person because they are all from different areas). I heard back from 3 out of the 4 ladies again within 48 hours. Problem was their decision was split and so I wanted to hear from her first to see what her vote was. She didn’t get back to me ever about it.
On January 10th I sent out emails about the first ideas about the bachelor/bachelorette party that had been discussed with the MOH & Best Man (as we want a combined party). Just asking if anyone would be interested in attending and letting them know that I would be sending full details in a couple weeks. We both got messages from everyone but her.
The other ladies were very anxious about not being able to buy a dress yet because they wanted to make sure they’d have enough time for alterations. So I sent her another message and when I didn’t hear back, I decided to make it easier on everyone and just have them all pick out their own dress. On January 15, I created a website with all the details. It had dress shopping guidelines to follow (color, length, etc.) and a section about shoes. I asked the ladies to let me know they had gotten the message and to send me a picture of their dress once they picked one out. Once again everyone but her confirmed that they got the message. My MOH got back to me that same day with the dress she was getting. Then that weekend another bridesmaid went shopping and actually bought & picked up her dress at a store going out of business.
****Shortly after I sent out that email she messaged my FI on Facebook chat to ask him to tell me she wanted me to get together with me (I hadn’t been on chat in a couple days because I had a large paper due the next day for grad school). It seems she was having knee surgery the next week and wanted to have me spend time with her while she was laid up (although she hadn’t had time for me during the past 7 months when I had been trying to get together & I actually had a good deal of free time). My fiancé relayed the message to me and so I message her on Facebook at my next free time (she wan’t online to chat with) to tell her that while I would love to that I had the biggest paper of my academic career (50 pages) due at the end of the week and that I had to spend the whole week writing it (when I wasn’t working). That I would love to set up a date to see her after my paper was done. Then when I was at work she message my FI on chat again saying that I could just come and write my paper while hanging out with her & her 2 year old. My FI knows me and the environment I need for homework and explained that it probably wouldn’t work because I need complete quiet to work in. Apparently she got huffy and said a bunch of stuff including that she was just trying to be a good friend and wanted to talk about the wedding. My FI knew that I was actually trying not to think about the wedding at that point because of my paper and so he told her that. Saying that he knew I had been trying for months to see her and that I really wanted to get together with her after my paper was done. Apparently she made comments about the situation, implying I was being a bad friend for not making time for her while she was laid up.****
I understand that she has a busy schedule because she works full time and is a single mother to a 2 year old, but I have to admit I was upset because I see that while she had been giving me excuse after excuse for over 7 months about being to busy to see me. On Facebook I say post after post about her hanging out with her different other friends. I constantly made it clear how free my schedule was during all that time. Then the day after I posted on Facebook that I was losing all free time for a week because of my big paper, is when she made the big deal about wanting to spend time with me that week. Also she is constantly online on Facebook chat and she would hardly ever respond to me and when she did she would say she missed me, that we should get together soon and then say she had to go as soon as I asked her any wedding questions. So it feels like she is avoiding the wedding with her lack of responses and avoiding me in general (she didn’t even give me her new cell number so I can only contact her online).
**I just don’t know what to do, the other bridesmaids are upset that every decision keeps getting held up because of her not responding. I am thinking that I will try again to get her to hang out with me so we can talk in person, but if she isn’t willing to pick a date I feel like I should almost ask if she is still interested in being in the wedding. That I understand she is so busy that it’s making it hard for her to be involved in the wedding and if she would like to just be a guest I understand. That maybe if I give her a way to back out she will take it. I don’t want to hurt her feelings though, so I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. I understand she is busy and so that’s why I really hate to say anything to her. Ahh this has been stressing me out so much.