Post # 1
My brother’s fiance has never said or done anything bad to me. But for the life of me, I simply can’t click with her. I can honestly say I do not look forward to hanging out with her and the family–in fact I dread it. I’m always nice to her and I do talk to her. But I am really bad at being fake and I’m sure she can sense it. So here’s my dilemma: do I continue being super nice and what may be perceived as fake? Or do I just say “hi” and then go about my business (like talk to others)–which can be perceived as cold, but at least I’m being genuine to her and myself.
I know I’m not the first to have this issue–so any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 4
I would continue trying to be nice. Fake it till you make it. Try to show her interest and ask her lots of questions about herself, maybe she will warm up. Hope it’ll all get better!
Post # 5
Unless she’s done something or said something unkind to you, just be courteous with her and move on–yes, say “hi” and go about your business. You don’t have to “like” her and she doesn’t have to “like” you–you just have to be respectful of each-other.
In life, we don’t click with everyone. And the world would be incredibly boring if we did!
Post # 6
Be yourself but throw some fake enthusiasm in there. It’s hard when you don’t click with someone but you are going to be family so you might as well make the best of it (even if talking to her is like talking to a wall 😉
Post # 7
I would suggest a middle ground…don’t ignore her, but don’t be fake either. Say hi, and chat her up a bit, act interested in things that actually do interest you that she talks about, but don’t force it.
I think we all have this dream of being BFFs with our SILs, but it never seems to work out.
Post # 8
Just be cordial…greet her, participate in conversations, etc. FBIL’s girlfriend has been around for about three years, and I just can’t have a conversation with her. She is nice enough I guess, but she has zero personality and comes off really fake and forced in social situations. We say “hi, how are you” when we’re around each other, but it rarely goes further and that’s fine with both of us – we’re mature enough that we don’t need to try and force a relationship.
Post # 9
Is there a middle ground you can hit b/t being fake and just saying hi? Especially since she hasn’t done anything outright mean or nasty to you. You don’t have to be best friends with her but you can be interested in her life b/c she is your FH’s sister.
Post # 10
@violet25: what makes you ‘dread’ the interaction? Simply because you can’t click with her? Or because it’s too much work to make small talk, etc?
Since this girl will be in your life for a long time, presumably, I’d do my best to be nice and friendly. Since you’ll likely be around her with other people, you don’t need to make a beeline to her. Just say your pleasantries, try to have a conversation with her (every once in awhile) and do your own thing with the rest of the family
Have you noticed if she’s like this with other people in the family or is it just an issue with you?
Is there something you want her to do that she’s not doing, etc?
Post # 11
Stop pressuring yourself to be a certain version of “daughter/sister in law” and just be yourself — but if they haven’t done anything mean to you, then I think being pleasant is called for. If it stresses you out to make small talk, maybe put the focus on asking them what’s going on in their lives, so that they’re being expressive? Or maybe you’re both “doers” rather than talkers and it would help to have some activity or experience in common to have a place to build from.
Post # 12
@oracle: To answer your question, the reason I dread being around is because I just feel so uncomfortable trying to act normal around her when it clearly is anything but normal. Sure, there are times when I feel okay around her–but those are very few.
I guess it comes down to this: it’s awkward to be around her. I’ve experienced this before in my life with a few people where I just can’t click with them–but those people have never been a part of my family!
I’ll be very honest here, I just don’t feel drawn to her as a person. But for my brother’s sake, I’ll continue to be nice.
Post # 13
@violet25: Ugh I have had similar dilemmas. Lol.. My biggest hurdle with my boyfriends sister in laws were that they were pretty close with his ex-wife. So there was that in our way. The thing that has helped me the most is being myself and not forcing the issue. That seemed to make it way worse at least in my case. With the one sister in law I was able to find common ground because she just had a baby so I can kind of relate because I have two little girls. I think if you find something (anything) you two have in common it could be the ground a little more level. I wouldn’t force things though, not everyone has the best relationship with their sister in law. I know I couldn’t stand my ex-husbands sisters. lol.. Good luck hun!