Post # 1
FI was raised in a very strict and religous household. Since he doesn’t practice that religion anymore, he was “disfellowshipped” and his parents aren’t coming to the wedding (they really aren’t supposed to have any contact with him at all).
I know it would mean a lot to FI if they were there and of COURSE I want them there. Is there anything I can do? How can I approach them diplomatically about this?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2018 - Hotel Vitale
Is there anything you could do to make your wedding more friendly to his parent’s religion?? Can they not talk to him at all?? Maybe you could get them to write a note and deliever it the day of.
Or if they could/would still talk to him maybe they can skip the ceremony party and stop by the reception, or you could do brunch the day after with them??
Post # 4
My goodness, this is a difficult situation. Do they disagree with elements of the wedding or reception? (Ie: music, other religious practices, etc.) I’m not sure what terms you are on with them (since you say he’s not supposed to have contact with them at all)… but a letter is always a good avenue. You can collect yourself and put down your thoughts on paper. No one can get heated and you know that you get to “say” everything you want to.
Good luck and so many hugs! I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this sort of thing. My thoughts are with you.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
Sounds like there is nothing you can do to get them to come if it’s a part of their religion, which they take very seriously. Still, you could reach out to them in other ways to let them get to know you a little, such as writing them a letter or an email telling them a little about yourself and your relationship with their son. I think if you’re going to ask them to come to the wedding, you should let them get to know you a little in other ways first.
Post # 6
My father was disowed because of religous reasons as well. Since he broke from the religion, he had to be treated as if he were dead. It’s really sad. His mother died before he met my mom (which is when he broke from the religion) and his dad stopped talking to him, completely, and they never reconciled. He talked to his brother and sisters a couple of times after (one sister he stayed close with) but it’s hard. There isn’t a whole lot you can do in situations like this I think, unless you converted or participed in the religion.
Post # 7
I think I know what religion you’re talking about… is he a former Jehovah’s Witness? Or Amish? In those religions, when someone leaves the faith, they’re gone. If that’s the case, then there really isn’t much you can do, as it’s not the wedding they’re against, and it’s not really “in their hands” so to speak. I’m really sorry.
Post # 8
I’m really, really sorry. There’s probably nothing that can be done. My FI’s mother has been disowned by all of her family because she left Scientology. It’s really rough for families to split over religion, especially when the splits are so deep and complete.
Post # 9
I definitely know where you’re coming from, even if my case is not as extreme. My FI and I were raised in the same religion, but we’ve both moved away from it. Me mostly from the organized body and some aspects of it, he completely. Our families are still very much followers though, and while they’re tolerant (if not accepting) of our views, they don’t take too kindly to people who were outright banned by the church. To the point that inviting some of his (banned) extended relatives would keep his stepmom from attending.
You could definitely talk to them, but be prepared that they won’t be very receptive since it’s a matter of their (deeply held) religious beliefs. They’d be supporting the marriage publicly, and risk it being found out that they still have contact with their son.
I wish you the best!
Post # 10
That sounds really painful. I can’t even imagine. Maybe they would be willing to join for just the reception? Or you could have it filmed at watch it together in a small private celebration?
Post # 11
@JohnsBride09 – Yes, he was raised Jehovahs Witness.
It’s not that they object to a certain part of the wedding per se, they just aren’t supposed to have contact with him (although they do to some extent).
Post # 12
If they have some contact with him discreetly, but don’t want to make a “public show” of going to his wedding, maybe you could get married in a small ceremony beforehand with just his parents, so they could be a part of it. Or, celebrate with them afterward with a private dinner.
Post # 13
I am sorry to hear this is part of your wedding. Unfortunately, with religions that are very strict about contact…there is nothing you can do. Just make sure that you show him as much support as possible.
Post # 14
I’m so sorry, I really wish I knew what to say to make you feel better but I honestly can’t think of anything that is helpful or appropriate right now, so I will just,
send you huge hugs.
Post # 15
I loved the idea of sending them a note and asking them to send a letter or something for you to give FI that day. What a sweet token – and if they are willing / able, it will mean so much to him.