Post # 1
At 5 BMs and 4 GMs I already feel like my bridal party is huge. Of that number, 1 Groomsmen is my brother, and 2 of the BMs are my sister and FI’s sister. We asked each other’s siblings because I thought it was the right thing to do, Fiance couldn’t have cared less. We asked all the members of the Bridal Party to be in it very very shortly after we got engaged this summer. Well, I just heard from Fiance that his sister has been asking around trying to find out if her boyfriend will be asked to be a groomsman if they get engaged in the spring (my wedding is in July). Uhhh, no. I think Future Sister-In-Law may think this will happen because I happened to know her bf in childhood, although basically just as an acquaintance and not as a friend, and because she assumes that all ‘family’ would get an invite. They have only been dating a few months, and live in different states, but hey they’re in love and I hope they DO get engaged in the spring like she wants.
But the idea of adding a Groomsmen just before the wedding makes my head hurt. But even if they got engaged today he isn’t going to be a Groomsmen (or if they’d been engaged months ago)…Fiance doesn’t know him at all, I barely know him, and I feel that is super unfair because I also didn’t ask my sister/MOH’s longterm, live-in Girlfriend who I really like to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. FSIL apparently has been whining about this and saying she would be offended if her boyfriend weren’t asked to be a Groomsmen if they got engaged (he will definitely be a guest at the wedding though). She apparently went so far as to say that her situation is different from my sister’s because my sister’s situation wouldn’t involve engagement (which is offensive because it’s like she undercuts my sister’s relationship–and now that NY allows legal same-sex marriage I wouldn’t be surprised if my sister does get engaged in the near future). Ugh, how do I deal with this when it inevitably comes up next time I see FSIL?
Post # 3
dont do it – if you cave now you will be caving forever
food for thought, a coworker had a “vision” of her Fiance and his 3 brothers as GMs and their 3 wives as her BM’s – sounds good until a few days after her wedding one of the brothers announced him and his wife seperating (staying together only for the wedding) and now she has a album full of photos including a woman she never really knew and no longer talks to
Post # 4
That’s totally unfair, why should her Boyfriend or Best Friend (FI) be a groomsmen? just case she’s a BM? that just doesn’t make sense.
What’s your FI’s opinion in this situation? If you’re in the same page maybe it’ll be good for him to tell his sister it’s not going to happen (better for you to stay out of it if she’s such a drama queen). Being honest I’d move mountains trying to avoid her Boyfriend or Best Friend to be a part of the bridal party just because of her commen about your sister’s Girlfriend, that was extremely rude (but that’s me).
Post # 5
Tell her that your wedding isn’t about her relationship, it’s about you. And your wedding party is a reflection of who has made an impact in your life, not who’s dating who.
Post # 6
@eloping: if you cave now you will be caving forever …So true!
Post # 7
My sister is Maid/Matron of Honor her Fiance of 5 years is a guest nothing more because he is hers, not mine
Post # 8
I think you should do what feels best for you. It is your wedding so you can share the day with whoever you choose. If someone isn’t in the bridal party but is invited as a guest.. who cared??! It is not as if you are excluding him from the wedding lol. My Fiance and I had decided to have 3 Bridesmaid or Best Man and 3 Groomsmen. I am having my best friend as Maid/Matron of Honor and then my sister and FI’s sister as BMs. My Fiance is still undecided on his thrid Groomsmen but he has already chosen his best friend as Best Man and then a childhood friend as another Groomsmen. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up asking FSIL’s SO because they have nearly been together as long as we have and we are all very close. If Fiance chooses FSIL’s SO I will be very happy! But I guess the differene between our situations is that you don’t know your FSIL’s SO… not to mention the fact that your Fiance doesn’t even know him that well lol. I think when it comes to chooing people for your bridal party you need to choose people that are important to you and that you can call a close friend. If you keep trying to impress everyone you won’t have the wedding of your dreams. I am coming to terms with this now as I write my guest list… you need to draw the line and invite the people that you know well and would be thankful and appreciate sharing your special day with you. Don’t feel obligagted ‘just because’ he is dating your Future Sister-In-Law. You are already including her in the party.. isn’t that enough? lol
Post # 9
Just make it clear that the bridal party is already set and isn’t going to change.
If she insists, I would tell your sister in law it’s her choice. She can either stay on as a bridesmaid and accept that her “fiance” will be in the guest section, or she stay in solidarity with him and join him.
Post # 10
Ugh, yeah, the more I think about it, the less I want him in the Bridal Party. I feel like it is so rude of her to even ask that (she actually recruited her mother to try to bully Fiance into it). I think it is so strange since her bf is invited, and we planned on having all the Bridal Party members still sitting with the SOs at the reception–so it feels crazy that she is so hung up on what amounts to her bf just wearing the same suit and walking up the aisle.