I feel you. After 6 years I finally put my foot down on the topic. He always knew that I wanted marriage. He had previously been married and went through an awful divorce that def changed his perspective on it. I had met him a few months after it all started, so he was a mess. I knew it would take a long time for him to heal, be at peace, then consider the marriage. But right before the 6 yr mark I blew a casket after some rough conversations. He finally agreed to “think about it” and he’d give me a response by New Years, if not I was going to move out, it just was too much. I didnt’ bring it up again, but in December, about half way through it, I saw how he was acting, like nothing happened and he wasnt thiking ahead. Again, I had to remind him of the deadline, and how serious it was. He knew I was not joking, as I had previously been engaged and broke it off becuase after the fact I realized tha that the man wasn’t into it – though he’s the one that pushed the marriage talk.
Over a two week span we had various conversations on the topic, each one starting off with “I’ve been thinking” like he was slowing progressing. It finally came that yes, he wanted to proceed with marriage with me, but that he wanted to get me an ering to cement it, and gave me a deadline of the tax season. At that, I agreed – essentially we agreed on marriage and at the indicated time, I’d get the ring, then we’d set a date…
Again, I waited – cautiously happy, I tend not to believe until it happens – end of Feb we discussed budget for the ring, I had to know what to request from the jeweler, and since we live together I didn’t want to place him in an awkward financial situation. We went to the jewler to look at settings, diamonds, financing etc. That process took almost a month by the time we picked it up.
I had indicated that I did want a proposal, not just “ok we picked it up, here’s the ring” He actually proposed the next day in a beautiful location, very romantic – for someone who doesn’t have a romantic bone on his body this blew me away. A “friend” even ask why even bother with a proposal. His response was because he wanted to. The reason I had even mentioned a prosal is that it was important for me to hear the words from him “will you marry me”. And that all that the proposal was, no flowery words, just those 4 important words, they made my heart skip and my eyes water. It was perfect, and worth it.
I had initially thought that I was pressuring him, and that it wouldn’t feel authentic. But I know him, he never ever does something that he does not want to do. He never ever says something that he does not want. The effort that he took in the proposal, the enthusiasm that he showed in the ring selection cemented those thoughts. I’m over the moon.
It is healthy to mutally have a conversation for your future, and determing and agree where and how it will be headed. Do not be afraid, I know I did, and many are afraid to approach the topic for fear of hearing negative comments and maybe even what we do not want to hear. It might even be through tears – I’m a crier – but it’s the right thing to do for both of you.