Post # 1
So my Fiance has a cousin who’s birthday is the same day as our wedding. Now his mother (my future mother in law) has made comments that she plans on having the band sing her happy birthday during the reception. She has also made some comments suggesting a cupcake and a sparkler candle.
Now I have asked my Fiance to respectfully ask his mother to refrain from having any birthday celebrations during our wedding reception. I feel that it is our day and her birthday can be celebrated another time and does not need to be celebrated during our wedding reception which should be about us. My fiance doesn’t think its a big deal.
So my question to you is: Am I being selfish for not wanting the entire reception to stop and pay attention to his cousin while the band sings happy birthday and she receives a cupcake with a sparkler candle??
Post # 3
I don’t think the "Happy Birthday" song is out of line. However, I do think that bringing in additional food/decor is. I would mention to her that you’ll already have food and cake for everyone, but you’re ok with the band playing the song.
Post # 4
Unless your cousin is a small child, I think that it’s totally unnecessary to honor her birthday at your wedding. If it is a small child, I guess I can see it. But otherwise I don’t think you’re being selfish. My sister’s Rehearsal Dinner was on the same day as her SIL’s b-day, and her Mother-In-Law wanted to make a big deal of it. But I think my BIL put the kibosh on that. I think it would kind of strange, esp. for a cousin (not even a sibling). It’s one year…and adult can miss their birthday for one year.
Post # 5
I think it’s unnecessary–both the song and the extra decor, etc.
My wedding day is my grandmother’s birthday…and I think she would probably prefer no one even knew about it. I plan to sing happy birthday, but that is just my own preference as she is turning 70.
I think you can ask your fi to ask his mother to lay off the birthday celebrating! But you should try to remember and when you visit the tables make sure to say happy birthday.
Post # 6
IMO, I wouldn’t find sharing my spotlight for 2 mins a big deal. However, it would seriously irritate me if someone else was making plans and adding extra details to my wedding. I would have been okay with announcing it was someones birthday and had my guests sing happy birthday… maybe stick a little candle in her slice of the wedding cake, but thats about it. Thats honestly what I’d do if I knew it was someone’s b-day on my wedding day.
Post # 7
The cousin is going to be 17. And I even think she would be very embarrassed if they were to sing to her because she is pretty quiet and shy.
Post # 8
Oh yeah, as a teenager I think I’d have been mortified if everyone’s attention turned to me at someone else’s wedding.
Post # 9
Maybe the fact that his mother didn’t ask me and just said she was doing it is what is bothering me the most.
If it were a closer family member I would have probably suggested it myself that we sing happy birthday..like a parent or grandparent or even sibling…
Post # 10
To each her own, but I don’t see the big deal. I’m providing bday cake at the Rehearsal Dinner for my Maid/Matron of Honor and recognizing my FI’s grandparents’ wedding anniversary at the reception, so I guess this strikes me as less of an issue…but if it truly bothers you, speak up. If you do decide to just go with it, I would confirm that sparklers are allowed in your venue…a lot of venues prohibit them.
Post # 11
We are singing happy birthday to the flower girl. It will be her 4th birthday and she is in the bridal party.
I think it is tacky for his mom to be planning this. He should respect your wishes and tell her to refrain.
Post # 12
I think the issue is not singing happy birthday, but rather the Mother-In-Law making plans without asking you. To assume she can do something to call attention to someone else without asking is rude. It is your day and a simple "Would you mind if…" would have been in order.
I have a Future Mother-In-Law like this who assumes she can do anything she wants. She invited her sister and mom to my makeup and hair with my bridesmaids.Sometimes they get so wrapped up in the excitement or think it is no big deal. But we need to remind them (very kindly) that it is our day.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2009 - Red Fish Grill
I attended a wedding in L.A. last year on my 30th birthday (which is kind of a big one). The groom was one of FI’s best friends. I had no clue that they even knew it was my birthday. I was definitely surprised when I was called out onto the dance floor by the bride. All of the guests sang "Happy Birthday", a small cake with a lit candle was carried out by the groom, and then the newlyweds whispered to me how much it meant to them that I made the long trip to share their special day with them. From the receiving end, it was a very sweet and unexpected gesture… even though I know my face was flushed (being the quiet, shy type mysef). :o)
Knowing that it was the bride’s idea (in my case) makes all the difference, though. If you aren’t OK with the birthday details, definitely speak up. I think you’re right in expecting that those plans be confirmed with you first.
Post # 14
This wouldn’t be a big deal to me, though I agree with others that you Future Mother-In-Law should ask permission rather than declare. Regardless, I think the gesture itself is harmless. No one is going to forget that it’s your wedding. And tops, the whole thing will last, what, 1 or 2 minutes? It doesn’t seem too much to ask to put the attention on someone else for 2 minutes out of your whole day. Instead of making her another cupcake (unless you’re having cupcakes, that is), why don’t you put a candle in a piece of wedding cake? I think that would be a cute integration of birthday and wedding.
Post # 15
I agree with most of what’s been said already. I do understand not wanting to share your day. But a couple of things:
1. I do think that what makes this really difficult is that Future Mother-In-Law just made plans without even asking you. She might have gotten a lot further if she said, "It’s Jane’s birthday, do you think it would be OK to sing happy birthday?" I think what might make me feel better in this situation, is if my Fiance told his mom, she was wrong to just make plans without asking you two, but agree that the birthday thing would be nice.
2. I don’t think it’s a big deal to spend a minute singing Happy Birthday to someone. Maybe you can do this later in the evening, when there’s nothing left but 2(+) hours of dancing. What’s the big deal in breaking that up a little for a Happy Birthday? I know it’s your big day, but after the first dances, cake cutting etc., your guests will drift off to their own thing, and not be focused on you. If you stop a moment to emcee the singing to the cousin and the cupcake, you could actually gain a little more focus time on you, and look like a peach , in the process. (Rather than feeling like someone’s stealing your thunder. )
3. At 17, her birthday is kind of a big deal. Every birthday is a big deal until 21. Is she close to your FI? Are her parents making her go? Would she rather be spending a rare "Saturday birthday" with her friends? If any of those are "yes", I think it would be nice to sing to her. And if she is shy, maybe she doesn’t ahve a lot of friends or gets many acknowledgements for her birthdays, so this would be nice.
4. Is it that big of a deal to make a stand and leave a bad taste in your FI’s mom’s and aunt’s mouths? I think few things are, and (IMO) this isn’t one of them.
Post # 16
We will be having two birthdays the same day as our wedding – one of my friends, and my Future Father-In-Law. I’d like to mark the occasion for them somehow – I was thinking a special cupcake for each of them, but no candles. Just a special treat so they know we remembered…