Post # 1
My SO has determined that we have to do something personal so he insists that we write our vows. No repeating allowed! I would have been totally cool with repeating. I feel weird about the uncertainty of written vows – how do we know we wrote about the same length each if they are supposed to be a secret? What if one person writes a page and the other a paragraph? Also I know if he thinks mine are very good he will go on about it for months that mine were better and his vows sucked (his writing is wonderful and I always tell him, but he’s insecure about it because I have a degree in English).
But – we watch musicals together a lot. Both movies and our weekley Glee episodes. In that show, they often turn to each other and say “I sometimes have problems expressing myself, but I can sing my feelings to you if that is alright” and go into song. He is always trying to get me to sing at home for him. He says he likes my voice. I was thinking maybe to make sure our vows are different in a way that is not comparable so he can’t feel like he’s competing, that I could sing a (short) song. Perhaps picking half of the song to sing. So it would be like I finally will sing a whole song for him like he always asks me to.
I was thinking of 1000 years by christina perry. Her vocals are pretty simple, the song is short and to the point, and I do feel it is a beautiful song. Also, when we had a rough time being apart while I studied abroad, we read the Twilight books together. We would each read and talk about the book when we got on Skype. So the fact the song was used in Breaking Dawn would be an added meaning. I tell people I am having a “forest themed” wedding but my mom likes to tell people it’s a Twilight wedding. It could fit very well. We also will be having live strings playing the ceremony music. I could secretly tell them to play the song so it would be complete: strings + my vocals. What do you all think about it?
Post # 3
I really wouldn’t do this. The novelty factor of singing your vows will be so strong that it will be too likely to distract your guests. Even moreso with the Twilight angle. I would stick to verbal vows and if you or he wish to keep them secret till the ceremony, you can at least agree on some parameters in advance, such as how long they will be, or ask a neutral third party to review both his and yours to make sure they flow together and are more or less the same style and length.
Post # 4
Are you a singer? If you have never sung in public, I wouldn’t chose your wedding to start! I’d be way too nervous.
Post # 5
I don’t like the idea. Singing a popular song isn’t the same as saying vows. Vows are meant to be your promises to the other person.
If you’re concerned about length and comparability many people discuss the structure of the vows beforehand. For us, we each said we would write out a section just basically telling eachother whatever we wanted to say (why we love the person, etc) and then we would each say. I take you ___ to be my wife/husband and then say our promises. So while I had no idea what his vows would say, both of ours were in the same format.
Also, if you want to surprise him with the song. Could you possibly pre-record it and play it as your first dance song?
Post # 7
It’s a lovely idea…but I want to ask you something…have you ever heard someone who is really emotional try to sing? It’s a very strained and difficult sound to listen to…I get wanting to express yourself, and that song is your chosen form, but this is a rather important and weighty subject, you risk being too emtional to actually sing OR make light of something very serious with your choice of expression.
Post # 8
And I just think I would be absolutely horrified if someone did this to me for any reason. But that’s just me. I don’t know how your FI feels about stuff like this.
Post # 9
I’m sorry but I don’t like the idea. It seems more like a performance than ceremonial vows. Can you use 1000 years as your ceremony music instead?
Post # 10
Hmmm. As a reply to something a few people asked … I don’t officially sing. We go to karaoke a lot with our friends. Sometimes when not as many people sign up, the karaoke DJ finds me and asks me if I want to sing more to keep things moving so he doesn’t have to play recorded music on karaoke night. I’ve had people tell me over the years that I sing well – varying from acquaintances to friends. I figured I must sing well when my brother told me, lol, because he usually finds any reason to say I’m bad at something 😛
For the emotional part – I’m not particularly emotional… I did not cry at the proposal. I was emotional, but not in a crying way just a shocked way. I only really cry if I’m super said or angry.
In regard to it having meaning… I know I’m a little weird there, but that was kind of my idea behind doing something different. I feel like we write cards to each other for birthdays or valentines day every year and after 6 years together…what’s been left unsaid? It would feel repetetive and cheesy for me to write vows. I agreed to do it because he thought that was better than repeating “I promise…” after an officiant. I can agree with that. I guess I feel like doing something way out of your norm/comfort zone is what makes it meaningful.
@puntacanabride : No-can-do on the first dance… he’s solidly proclaimed that “Your Song” from Moulin Rouge would be our song and we are taking lessons to choreograph it. I said I don’t get it…bc I don’t understand what the song means. But we had our first conversation together at a party where this movie was on so I agreed. He said he likes it because it doesn’t say anything… it shows how someone can be so overpowered by love that you just don’t know what words to say. So the weird lyrics about not knowing what to say is how he feels. (This was a recent conversation, a few days ago).
But yes – of course my biggest concern would be the nervous factor. I think though if I could commit to the plan at this point in time..then I would have time to practice and maybe sing it for my maid of honor to approve or not approve. I’ve asked her and my mom about it. Mostly they didn’t say it was a bad idea – just that it was different and asked me if I would really be able to do it. I think that really is the nexus of my dilemma :/
Post # 11
My thoughts in no order-
– Sounds like you’re doing because you want to be unique/to stand out – to wow your guests. But the vows aren’t for the guests, it is a very serious thing (it is the heart of the wedding ceremony!) that i (and many previous posters agree) should not be a performance …for your guests nor your groom.
– Practicing might make you focus too much on the singing, not on the meaning of what you’re saying
– Who knows how your emotions will be on your wedding day? Even if you’re not emotional I think it is very risky to assume how you’ll feel on your wedding day, when you’re face to face with the love of your life and in front of all your guests
– An aside, it sounds like you don’t really like your first dance song! ee! Are you really okay with that?
Post # 12
@kmaemu: The ‘different’ aspect is more for me/us. Because I don’t want to feel like I’m reading a hallmark card. If it were up to me, I would say “I love you, and that is why I am marrying you”. Because really, that’s all there is to it. But that would seem sillier to actually do than sing a song – so I would have to fill my vows with other things to make them sound more complete. Also, I would still write/rewrite/practice written vows a million times so practice could affect either a song or vows.
I do really like the song! Sorry for consfusion lol – I just like it more from the song angle, not the lyrical. I love the music, and I love our history with the song. But that doesn’t mean I get the lyrics. Then again I feel like music (even without any lyrics – like when we listenn to classical) can be just as emotionally moving. So using the song is a nod to our history and memories with each other, not to lyrically express to our guests how we feel. I suggested 1000 years actually as the first dance song. He said it’s another really great song, but he insisted on Your Song for our first dance because of the memory. So it really was just between lyrics or experiences. I would have been happy either way. “Your Song” will always be a memory for us so he had a point there.
Post # 13
if i were a guest i would find it awkward and cringy.
Post # 14
@deetroitwhat: Haha I can see that it could be awkward…. I only had the thought because he is always trying to get me sing in the house or in the car. He starts singing something and leaves it hanging for me to continue. (And he does this to me constnatly!) I sing all the time when I’m alone, but for some reason even if just with him in the car I get nervous with his focus on me. Then he seems disappointed when I won’t sing for him.
This is why I thought it would mean more actually if I sang the vows, it would be like I finally agreed to sing for him…even if it is out of my comort to do so. Like… an action of love on my part to mean “I may be afraid of things but I’ll try for you.”
I do go to karaoke – but the place we go about 80% of the bar is super drunk lol. I sing sober, but only after I have witnessed enough drunk (and very bad) singers go before me They can’t judge if they were worse than me.
Post # 15
Question 2 then to everyone :
Is it weird also to just keep very short vows? Like I said before… just pretty much to say I love you? How short is too short? If I think short is more appropriate, is it realistic to tell him to keep it short also?
I feel like I would just be being honest if I kept it short. But I don’t want to put a constraint on his expression either. Then again if he goes on for a couple paragraphs then would it seem like I just didn’t try? I don’t want to seem like I didn’t try – but I think love is natural and basic. So to be honest, my expression should be basic and to the point. Think Star Wars – “I love you” “Ditto”. But everyone knows they really love each other <3 If he is pretty much obsessed with starwars…I could even start with a joke like .. “Ditto” and just pause and make him think that was it, lol. Then continue with a sentence or two to say no really, I love you.
Post # 16
I love, love, love “1000 years.” Love it.
However. I would not love hearing someone sing it who was not Christina Perri (or Marley and Jake on Glee 🙂 I think I would just be cringing and praying for it to end.