- 7 years ago
I am looking for those single mom bees out there…
- Why did you become a single mom? By choice?
- What did you do when you became a single mom?
I am looking for those single mom bees out there…
I know I can do it, and I look at my daughter and I am more and more inspired everyday. But sometimes, I feel like just breaking down because of the stress of doing it all alone.
Hi. I’m not a single mom, or even a mom yet, but I just wanted to offer you some support. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be a single mom. Being a mom with a second parent is hard enough, but having to do it on your own seems almost impossible. However, I think you are setting a wonderful example for your daughter– showing her that you CAN do it and to never give up. Hugs to you!
I was a single mom for a while. I was divorced when my kids were 5 and 3. And it is scary sometimes. It was hard when one of them was sick and I had no one to ask a second opinion on whether or not they needed to go to the doctor. I even had a hard time with silly things like it was dark and there was a noise and they were scared….and I was the only grownup in the house! But we managed somehow. I just worked on getting through each day one at a time.
One thing I did learn is accept help whenever it is offered. If someone wants to help..LET THEM. Also, I became friends with other single moms and we provided a support system for each other. My extended family lived out of state, so I didn’t really have them to help on a daily basis…but if yours is local, their help will be invaluable. Just keep yourself and your daughter are surrounded by people who love you and you will both do fine.
@MrsH1010: oh, yeah, been there done that. soooo glad I now have my FI!
I was a “single mom” who was stuck living with her parents. Not. Fun. And would NOT recommend it to ANYONE.
Despite living with my parents, I still had to pay for everything for my son AND my bills, AND STILL give money to my mother, but NOT for rent. Oh, no. She wanted every forking dime I got (like always) and I HAD to drive her everywhere…. (nope, not holding a grudge here at all…)
It wasn’t an idea situation. I went to MI to marry the guy I met on an online chat room because I fell hook-line-and-sinker for his lies. Got married on Valentine’s Day at the JoP and was back in VA April 1st. (yeah, long marriage, huh?)
I was working at wal-mart, but then got a job in my current field thanks to a friend, and then I started talking to my FI again. (I knew him pre-ex-husband.) The job and my FI were THE BEST things to EVER happen to me. We’re not living together and I have a daughter with my FI (who is 4… he moved in last June… I’ve had the apartment for 2 years now…)
Yes, the stress WILL make you want to scream. And cry. and wonder if it’s all worth it. And make you wish (sometimes) you didn’t have kids. (hey, I even think that now, it’s part of being a) human b) a parent.). BUT you look at the kid(s) and see them happy and smile and remember THEY are what’s important to you and they make life worth living. (at least to me!… except for when I want to strangle them…. *wink*)
It’s not easy being a single parent. Especially when you’re trying to balance the child(ren) and a job and/or school.
@Neva: yeah, a support system is really important.
plus, being able to have “mommy time”. My FI is who forced that one on me, and I’m glad he did!!! Having adult time to go do adult things is REALLY helpful and allows you time to breathe.
If someone you can trust wants to babysit, let them! Then go for a walk or to a cafe and read. Or window shop! It really does help.
My long term boyfriend and I decided to TTC. I really didn’t feel the need to marry him and spend a lot of money on a wedding. We had a great pregnancy together and it all fell apart once our son was born.
He was away working a lot and when he got home, he wanted to sleep. Our baby was interfereing with that. His mother was terrible to me and ended up convincing that he didn’t need to stay with Jack and I, and to move home with her.
He left once when our son was 5 months and then officially at 7 months. 3 weeks before his first Christmas.
I was on my 1 year mat leave and stayed on it. I owned my own house and have a good job. He paid some support and came to visit at times. Once our son was 2, I took him to court and got sole custody and they garnished his support.
He sees him sometimes, but moved out west. He is running from the child support people and never really calls. When he comes home, he will make some attempt to get to know him, but he is not a “daddy.”
I met my FI last year and he serves as a father role to my son and is fantastic. It was a tough role to be in, but it all worked out way better than I could have ever planned.
Edited to add: My dad and stepmom were a huge support, along with my good friend who was once a single mom. She “got” it when I would call her at a low point.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done! But like @neva said, you really need to take it one day at a time.
Every waking moment that I am not at work is spent with my son. I have full custody and have had full custody since he was 2. He will be 8 in a few weeks…it’s going by so quick. I will say, my relationship with my son is out of this world. My friends who have kids are not nearly as close with their children as I am with my son. I don’t know how much of it has to do with it being just us, but regardless- my little one is my world and he knows it. Therefore, I’m not as sad as I once was that his father isn’t fully involved in his life. We’ve got each other and he seems very well adjusted and happy considering the circumstances.
The major challenge I have had is that my son has very bad asthma. The scariest moments have been sitting up with him all night to give him breathing treatments by myself and/or making hospital runs in the middle of the night just us.
It hasn’t been an easy road, but it’s been very rewarding.
I was a single mom for 17 years. It was the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done.
Did I become a single mom on purpose – No.
What did you do when you became a single mom – that is hard to answer. I think that I would need a more direct question to answer. I have been through it all from hospital vistits to baseball games to graduation, I could pretty much write a book here to tell you all that I have done in raising my son. It is scary, hard, painful, and all out craziness, but it is also the happiest, most rewarding, inspiring position to be in.
If you ever want to talk, ask questions, or just rant to, you are more than welcome to PM me anytime.
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