Sister and Bridesmaid troubles >:(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@almostwebbee:  Honestly, I would lose the friend completely and (at the very least) demote your sister to just a BM. I don’t have time for someone to run around gossiping about me to people they know I don’t like/get along with. And your sister had just been miserable about everything concerning you and your wedding – you don’t need that kind of negativity from a MOH.

If your parents get upset just tell them your doing your sister a favor – being MOH was obviously making her miserable and you only want her to be happy, blah, blah, blah. Be disgustingly sweet about it and hopefully they’ll leave you alone.

Post # 4
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@almostwebbee:  i never would have made a sister that treated me that way my maid of honor….no way. blood is not, in fact, thicker than water. she probably wouldnt have even made the cut to be a bridesmaid.

woof. what a bitch.

Post # 5
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@almostwebbee:  First of all, you have one huge thing going for you: your sister sounds like a total bitch and I’m sure everyone who knows her, knows this about her ( including your parents). I am sure everyone takes what she says with a grain of salt.


My suggestion is this: continue to distance yourself from your “friend” ( who sounds like a gossip), have a firm talk with your sister about her actions and talk to your parents on your terms about you and your FI, not because you’re rebutting in an argument.  Shit happens, people cheat and they go to counseling and they’re better for it– don’t let the stigma of counseling or trying to maintain a perfect relationship deter you from talking to your parents about this. Chances are, if they’ve been married for a long time, they’ve hit rough patches too and understand the need for just working through things. 




As for your sister, I would talk with her and let her know that her behavior is intolerable and that you’ll keep her as MOH, but until she gets her act together– you’ll be forced to keep her at arms length until she shows some maturity. Don’t even get on her level when she’s arguing with your mom or talking about things that may potentially start to stir things up. Eventually she won’t get the reaction she wants out of you and it will lose the appeal, and she will leave you alone.


Post # 6
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@almostwebbee:  “Hey friend, that was inappropriate for you to share information about my personal life with someone else. I feel like I can’t trust you anymore.” Once you get it off your chest, let it go. Then, stop telling her secrets. She proved she can’t handle it.

I ended a friendship over something similar once, but they shared a secret with the intent of being malicious, not just to be gossipy. If I can’t trust you, then we can’t be friends.

As for your sister, I would tell her that it wasn’t mature and she doesn’t actually know the story so she shouldn’t be sharing it with anyone. Be careful demoting her. She could start rumors about the cheating.

If you feel inclined, tell your parents what you told us. He kissed a girl in college, came clean, apologized, and you worked through it. They know that a marriage takes compromise and working through issues and will likely respect you for being mature and working through this bump to build a stronger relationship.

Post # 7
210 posts
Helper bee

I have problems with my sister as well, but for different reasons. Regardless, I would not have her as my MOH, no matter how much my parents badger me with it. I wold lose your friend and demote your sister. Actually if my sister blurted that out I wouldnt even want her at the wedding with fear that she would have ahissy fit and yell it out in front of everyone. Its your choice but I would seriously cut both of them loose. 

Post # 9
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@almostwebbee:  she sounds like a psycho. your maid of honor should be the woman you feel most emotionally connected to and bonded with. not some girl that just happens to be related to you by chance.

Post # 11
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@almostwebbee: i don’t blame you for feeling hurt and angry. That’s not really nice that your friend and sister did those things to you. However, you can’t control them, you can only control your reaction to them. 

If I were you, I’d stop allowing them into my life to the degree you are — you should not feel obligated to make someone a BM just because she asks! If an obligation breeds resentment in the long run, question the need for the obligation. Figure out if the trade off is really worth it. 

tl;dr – start focusing on yourself because clearly your friend and sister aren’t!

Post # 12
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would:

– tell the friend I was very disappointed and hurt that she shared that confidential information with my sister. I would tell her that I won’t be able to share confidences with her any longer, and that makes me sad.

– tell my parents exactly what happened, that you and your FI have worked through it and do not want to ever hear this issue raised again. When your sister said “he cheated” they likely thought he did more than kiss another girl. They will likely be relieved when they know the truth.

-tell my sister that I was done with her childish behavior. I would make her aware that my parents had the facts of the situation.

– stop getting involved in arguements involving your parents and your sister. You cannot expect her to remain silent when you make sarcastic comments to her.  My sister was saying the girl deserved it because she was my sisters friend and slept with my sister’s boyfriend.  I chimed in saying, “So you stayed with your bf, but beat up your best friend?  That seems fair.”  Pretty sarcastically. 
You cannot expect an immature sister to keep her mouth shut when you stand there in judgement of her, taking the side of your Mom.

Post # 13
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@almostwebbee:  Blood is not thicker than water. Just because someone is ‘family’ does not give them the right to be a part of your special day if they do not treat it like ‘your special day’. I would tell her she’s out because of her attitude and behaviour and same as the friend who was intentionally being malicious. No one needs people like that in their lives, family/friend or not. 

Post # 14
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@almostwebbee:  Yuck, what a hot mess.  No one likes having their dirty laundry aired out, by anyone, at anytime…which is why its probably a good idea for you to keep shit like that to yourself in the future, because there’s no such thing as a secret…seriously.

You told your friend, and the circumstances surrounding her telling your sister are a little unclear at this point…did it just slip out?  Did she overhear?  Was your sister manipulating your friend with pity and this little confession was an attempt to comfort her?  You haven’t said, so I don’t know.

Your friend apologized, which is the best she can do at this point, so its time for you to either forgive her or get the fuck away from her, because you can’t keep being mad at her and still have her in your bridal party…that’s not good for anyone, but I wonder if there is anything else she can do at this point to make you feel better anyway?

As far as your sister goes, its only going to continue as long as you put up with it, and if we’re looking at this situation objectively, all three of you created this mess….if you didn’t want people knowing about your FI playing kissy face with some broad, you shouldn’t have told them, your friend should have known better than to divulge any sort of personal information to your sister and she should grow up and quit throwing things that don’t concern her in your face, and maybe you should quit baiting her with snide comments, she might suck, but you don’t need to point that out to her constantly.

Post # 15
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@almostwebbee:  I don’t think you are overreacting at all.  However, part of me is mad at your fiance for even divulging this information to you!  I know that you consider what he did cheating, but really I think it’s fine for you to publicly refuse to call it as such.  He made a stupid mistake 5 years ago and an even stupider one by making himself feel better by telling you.  

As far as your sister, just distance yourself from her as much as possible.  It sounds like it would probably create more drama to “demote” her as MOH or kick her out of the party, but I would just include her in the absolute bare minimum way.  Also, try to resist getting in situations where you know she is going to lash out (like what you said here that got her responding about what happened with your fiance).  You know she’s not going to react in a positive way and she’s shown that she’s just going to respond by going for the jugular.  Just do not engage her. 

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors