Weddingbee boards

So,

Just to clarify real quick this shouldnt really be under emotional, but I am placing it here because...I didnt know where else to put it.  I am upset by this, but moreso because of my sister's actions and how she has treated me our whole lives...not because she no longer wants to be part of my wedding..This is just the icing on the cake..  I am not devastated, or sitting at my computer boohooing right now, I'm just really over it all..Sister and I had a fight (about our parents' dogs...so freakin stupid...) that got a little out of hand, there were emotions, a little screaming, a little cursing (not towards each other, but just me dropping the F bomb....like not saying "you effing stupid B#$%" more like "make sure those effing doctors show you whatever the eff they pull out of that dog's stomach after the surgery..."  Anyway, the end result is that she no longer wants to be my maid of honor (she was the only person in the wedding party, mind you) and that she isnt coming to my wedding....Now it goes way deeper than this...

For the past few months she has done several thiings (like not show up to my gown shopping appointment taht I had planned for MONTHS for she and my mom to do with me, saying at the last second that she had a lot of stuff goign on that weekend...) ok, so she didnt show up but I got over it.  Over the past few months, she has said and done stuff to stress me out, to the point that a few weeks ago my parents were almost at the point where they wanted to ask her honestly if she really wanted to come to my wedding.  A few weeks ago, miraculously a training for her job in Orlando popped up the week before my wedding next year. (mind you they had several training weeks to choose from, but I think its ironic that the one in contention for her is the one that is the WEEK leading into my wedding weekend.)

My sister has been in about 30 weddings (because she has like 3500 best friends.) and she has bent over backwards for each and everyone of  them.  It comes to me now and she is less than excited and I feel that from the start she just has issues with me over alot of stuff. (she is 4 years older than me, moved back in with my parents (third attempt...first two she got kicked out because she doesnt get along with my mom) to save money for her own condo, and single.)  She has told my parents before that she thinks they favor me over her.  She thinks that I was more spoiled that she was growing up.  I hate to bring this up, because it sounds shallow, but I have always been skinnier than she is, and I think this angers her as well. When I went on Weight Watchers a few years ago and lost 40 lbs, she said I was on a crackhead diet...When  Igained a little back, she was quick to point it out and keep harping on the fact that I gained weight (and was VERY happy about it).  And, as soon as I got engaged the first thing out of her mouth was "hate to break it to you b****, but Im gonna be smaller than you are at your wedding. (now that comment didnt bother me AT ALL because I would love to see her be successful with weight loss and get healthy..She has had some issues with losing weight, and i want nothing more than to see her overcome her struggles with eating and weightloss.  I was routing her on!!!)And I definitely think that now she is jealous of where I am in life, compared to where she is.  She has had this personal vendetta against me forever it seems now, and its at that point where I am just over it.  I dont care if she is in my wedding anymore.  I dont care if she is there or not anymore.  I am done dealing with her attitude and her fakeness towards me.  This has been goign on for 26 years and I am ready for it to be over....that being said....I know without a doubt in my mind that if she doesnt come to my wedding, I will NEVER EVER speak to her again. 

Thanks bees in advance for listening....

thanks Querida...I guess that I am happy that I found this out now instead of the night before my wedding....I am reading some pretty awful stuff on here about people's sisters just not showing up to their wedding...I am glad that at least, IF there is anything to salvage of our relationship, we might be able to do it before then, where she can at least attend my wedding (even if we reconcile, I officially no longer want her to have any part of the wedding party, she can ONLY be a guest now.)

Seriously, thanks you guys. I was sitting up last night at like 3 in the morning wondering why this is all happening now.  I think that is good advice to leave the door open for her and not close it completely out of anger.  Thank you for reminding me of this!

Update...Just had a nice 2 hr talk with my dad, and I feel soooo much better....The FI has been super supportive through this as well.  I realize now that I can't control what she does if she emotionally or physically doesnt want to have anything to do with my wedding, for whatever reason that may be...

tammyt1112,  i was reading through your posts as well...yea our sisters definitely seem like pieces of work.  We should form a Siblings Anonymous group?!?! (lol I thought that was hilarious the Fred Claus movie)  But seriously, I feel you. I would never in a million years dream of treating her or anyone like that for that matter, but somehow she feels its okay to treat her ONLY sister (or sibling for that matter), her own flesh and blood that way. I tell you what, I KNOW for a fact she has NEVER treated any of her friends the way she treats/has treated me.

moderndaisy...i am one stubborn gal.  BUT despite my state of extreme anger and being upset, I apologized to her for getting upset (i realize i have a lot of growing too)...BEFORE she told me that she wants nothing to do with my wedding....so i had already apologized several times at that point, but she still decided to try to hurt me by telling me she doesnt want anything to do with it....it goes so much deeper and it really sucks because she will never admit to herself that I am really not the reason for her anger, hurt and hate.

UGH! That's just awful, my sister can be a little snarky, but nothing like that.

I say just let things cool off for a while, and remember, you can't change others, only yourself. So don't stress out and worry about your sister. She is who she is, and you just need to keep living your life for yourself.