(Closed) Sister and MOH going to prison

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Mrs.babycat:  Just want to tell you that I’m sorry for the situation and hope that your sister can work out her legal woes.  If she gets jail time, maybe that’s the wake up call she needs? Don’t know. But I’m sorry she made a poor decision and won’t be at your wedding. It’s too bad that the poor decision will also impact the rest of her life.

Post # 4
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

@Mrs.babycat:  Stay out of it. You are not a failure as a big sister. It was her choice and there would have been nothing you could have done. I don’t know how much prison time she will get, but maybe she needs to face reality in prison to change. Don’t get a lawyer and don’t waste your money. Yes she is family, but you can’t bail them out every time or they won’t learn.

Post # 5
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Mrs.babycat:  Yikes.  I am sorry.  It sounds like you just got the news and are pretty upset.  Yes, DH’s father will likely spend his life in prison and my dad has been in and out (though, for the record, my father’s was financial, not the kind of unspeakable crime DH’s father has commited.)  My late stepfather went to jail for drug related charges and took his own life before his hearing.  Family- they are who they are.  Is she being appointed an attorney?  Are your parents hiring one for her? 

Post # 7
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@pinkzebra:  This. If I had siblings that did this, I’d fly in just to punch them in the throat for being so stupid.

Post # 8
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Mrs.babycat:  Unfortunately, you really can’t do anything for her. I know you want to, your heart wants to, but you also shouldn’t. Your sister is an adult who made her own choices. She knew they were wrong but still made the stupid choice anyway. If she keeps getting help to get out of these stupid choice’s consequences, then she’ll never learn. You can be there to emotionally support her through the hard times but that’s the most you should get involved.

ETA: I’m not just talking out my butt here. My brother has done some really stupid crap in his past that has taken a toll on the family (as well as other major effects). We’re all just hoping that’s done and over with and taking things one step at a time.

Post # 10
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry and this sucks for everyone involved! But I’ve had family and friends in this position and if you bail them out they really do take it for granted. They don’t just sit at home, or leave their old crowd alone and they def. don’t pay you back. Write her a letter, tell her you love her no matter what and if she needs a shoulder to cry on you’ll be there for her. This is a lesson she needs to learn the hard way, unfortunately. 

Post # 11
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m really sorry you are going through this. But, you’re not a failure neither are your parents.  Your sister made conscious decisions to do what she did and knew full well what she was doing.  She needs to be held responsible for those actions – bailing her out or hiring a lawyer for her won’t make her any more responsible for what she did.  It sucks seeing people you love make such awful mistakes, but you can’t save her.  Only she can turn her life around.

Post # 12
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Try not to worry, she will be okay.  You are great to want to help.  Sorry you are going through this!  Ugh, family!

Post # 13
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Everyone makes their choices and decides their destiny, you cannot do it for her. And enabling her behaviour doesn’t help either.  Tough love.

 

Post # 14
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

Yes, please do not think you are a failure. People make their own decisions, you can certainly be a role model but it’s still up to the people you are trying to influence for good to decide if they are going to follow your example! Kind of like, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. I’m so sorry you are going through this, sending a hug through the ‘net. 🙁

Post # 15
Member
12833 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You aren’t a failure as a big sister.  But I would honestly recommend that you don’t hire her a lawyer. If people keep bailing her out, that’s going to be a precedent set.  She can either hire one herself, or have a Legal Aid attorney.  She made the decision to commit the crimes, so now she should have to serve the penalty, and that penalty shouldn’t overburden you or your parents.

Post # 16
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My stepbrother (whom I’ve never met) is currently in prison. He was in prison when my dad and stepmom got together/were married. By the time he got out, I’d moved away and we never met. He was out for the past 2 years and everyone thought he was “doing well” but apparently that wasn’t the case and he was re-arrest about a month ago for some things similiar to what your sister did. Addiction does horrible things to good people and allows them to make decisions that they wouldn’t make sober. I obviously don’t have the same feelings involved in his re-arrest and new jail time, since I’ve never even met him, but I do really feel badly for my stepmom, since this is her kid and he won’t be present at the wedding. Hope your sister gets the help she needs this time around.

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