Post # 1
Help! I’m not sure what to do with my sister for our wedding and I’d love to hear what other bees think/recommend. I have a feeling she expects to be asked to be a BM and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but…1) she lives out of town 2) I know she can’t afford to be a BM (esp. if she’s flying both kids out with her) and 3) she might bring unnecessary drama to the wedding day (selfish thought, I realize). She’s very excited for me and my FI and I can tell she wants to be involved, which is great! But I don’t know what role I could give that might be a better fit and would make her feel involved. She’s my younger adult sis and there’s quite a big age diff between us. We’re close but not as close as most sisters. She’s got a daughter (6yo) that we’ve considered asking to be a flower girl but we haven’t decided yet if we want one (and again there’s an expense involved in that). And then if we ask her to be a flower girl, the older brother (12yo) might feel excluded (ugh) Advice? Thoughts?
Post # 3
@sdbeachgirl: That’s a tough one!
It sounds like you are trying to be considerate of her situation/expenses while looking out for yourself. It’s great that she wants to be involved, but there are other things you could get her to do besides being a BM. Could she be an usher? or a reader? could you ask her to give a toast at the reception? or a combination of those? It would be less expensive for her than being a BM and it wouldn’t require a lot of commitment pre-wedding and it would limit the opportunity for drama.
I asked my (then) out-of-town, almost broke, self-absorbed sister to be a bridesmaid and I am seriously regretting it! Since she has been a bridesmaid and MOH several times before, I thought she would be reasonably helpful with the process. I even asked her if she was comfortable with the few exenses (nothing extravagent) given her financial situation. She’s my sister and I love her, but she has been worse than useless as a BM, not even answering emails/texts when I’m trying to make arrangements/appointments and then “forgetting” about them once they are made. I thought I would give her the benefit of the doubt, but I’m really wishing I’d gone with my gut on that one.
Post # 4
@sdbeachgirl: oh. That’s a tough one. Im in a similar position with my two older brothers. We didn’t want to ask them to be in the wedding party because then we’d feel obligated to ask my FIs brothers and it would just get too complicated. I asked my brothers to be involved in other ways. Granted this is limited by what your sister has to “offer”. My one brother will walk my mom down the isle. My other brother will be playing guitar for the ceremony. the one walking my mom down the isle is also baking dessert for our rehearsal dinner which he loves to do. What about having your sister walk down the isle WITH her daughter and son? They can be a flower couple! Or ask your sister to make a toast for you if you are not afraid she would embarrass that way way or bring drama. I’m also not very traditionHanson those are things I would do.
Post # 5
Can she be a reader or hand out programs? What about standing by the guest book?
Post # 6
@Rheagan: Sounds like we have similar sisters : I’m sorry she’s causing you grief! I sincerely hope it all works out for you!
I probly wouldn’t trust my sis enough to give a toast and NOT humiliate herself and/or me! lol
@SkyChick: I like your idea of having her walk down with the kids. Definitely something to consider.
Thank you all so much! These are all great ideas and I think I’m starting to see a “role” being developed by all of your comments. Perhaps a “hostess” type of role where she hands out programs, greets guests, manages the guest book, etc…. I just want her to feel like she’s involved and not doing something that might be considered “lame” or disappointing. I love her and want her to be part of the fun, just in a more measured way I guess. Is that being too controlling??