Sister Drama

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You can’t really dictate how other adults do their hair unless you’re paying for it, sorry.

However, if she doesn’t buy the dress, then she doesn’t get to be in the wedding… simple.  Then you don’t have to worry about her hair distracting your photos.

Post # 4
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Ridlonc: I don’t think you’re crazy for not wanting a pink mohawk at your wedding, and think that while you have every right to request her to dye her hair…you can’t really expect it.  Its one thing to ask her to not have her hair in a mohawk, but can you ask her to just style it differently instead of asking her to dye her hair?  I think with this situation there isn’t going a win/win, but maybe you can try to pick your battle? As far as the body jewelry, people aren’t really gonna notice it anyways…so personally I wouldn’t fight that one so much. I definitely can see not wanting someone with a bright pink mohawk in my bridal party…but if i had to choose, I’d deal with the pink hair as long as it isn’t in a mohawk.  You can request your sister to dye her hair, style it different, take out her piercings…as long as you realize it probably won’t all happen no matter how much you or anyone else tries to convince her. I’m sorry you’re having to fight with her for all of this.  Hopefully she gets her act together before you guys head out on your cruise. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@DaneLady:  I kindly disagree! So long as it can be DIYed and does not require major changes, a bride can totally ask her BMs to wear their hair up/down/half-up/low bun/high bun etc with out hiring a hair pro. 

 

OP: It sounds like your sister doesnt want in so I would give her an out. Have a heart to heart and say of course you have always imagined her standing up for your wedding, but the whole process seems to be making her very unhappy and that is not your wish. Tell her it would not be the end of the world if she chose not to be a BM, but please let you know. If she is going to be a BM you would like her to x, y, z like the rest of the girls. 

Post # 6
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsBuesleBee:  Disagreements & differences in opinion make the world go ’round 🙂  I think it is perfectly acceptable to request a particular style, but if it is being required then the bride should cover the expense (and I think going from a color/style like the OP’s sister has to a more natural one would typically require pro help.  Maybe I’m just color-inept though!)

I do agree with your suggestion to give the sister an out since she doesn’t seem to give two shits about the wedding or being a part of it.

 

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you’re dodging a bullet here!

Have her attend as just a guest.

Post # 10
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The bride does not have a right to dictate that friends or family change their appearance for her wedding. If she stays as a BM, you can specify hair and makeup if you pay for it. That does not include changing the color of her hair.

You seem to be dodging a bullet however. If she hasn’t purchased a coral, chiffon dress by now, she likely won’t.

Post # 11
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Ridlonc:  While I wouldn’t want my bridesmaid to look that way for my wedding, the only solution is to ask her to step down. You cannot tell people how to do their hair and dictate what they should look like. She is who she is. Even before changing her hair color and style, she wasn’t very invested in the wedding anyway. If you are a month out, and she still hasn’t gotten anything then she needs to be asked to step down.

Post # 12
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

Don’t feel bad about asking her to tone it down for YOUR WEDDING!!! She may not understand because she is so young, but I guarantee if you let her do that on her big day, you and her will both regret it in the coming years when looking back (on the photos). If she can’t comply, tell her she can’t be a part of the wedding. It really isn’t asking too much.

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