- 9 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Hi everyone. I’m three months out from my wedding right now and I am really stuck. I could use some advice.
My sister, who is five years older than me, has been pretty much my only family since our mom died in 2000. We have always been very close. There is a great deal of pressure on our relationship being the "only ones" there for each other. She is not married. We live together in a house with a roommate who is our good friend.
My FI and I made a mutual decision not to live together before we got married. Now I wish we did. I am three months out from my wedding and I still don’t know where we are going to live. My FI and I had a long, really positive talk with my sister about how to move ahead (this is because she and I and the roomie share a house my sister and I both own, but my sister could not afford to live in without me). We offered to move into the house, which needs a LOT of work, and fix it up, and pay rent. This way she could financially go and find a new place and not have to worry about anything with the house.
We also said if she wanted to we would buy out her share. OR if she wanted to find another roommate or some other way to cover the additional costs, we were more than happy to move into our own place adn she could stay in the house.
The thing is, this was over a month ago and I told her I needed a decision by July 1, so he and I could start to plan our future together. Meanwhile she is asking for extra time, she asked if maybe he and I could delay moving into the house till well after our wedding, so she could have more time because she is too busy right now to find an apartment…what it really is is she is scared and has a lot of mixed feelings about moving out of the house. She says she feels "kicked out" but I have tried to explain to her that the only thing "kicking her out" is that she can’t afford the place and doesn’t want to get strangers as roommates. It’s just reality.
I guess I am just losing my mind because this is causing major tension between us and meanwhile I can’t plan my future with my husband. My sister pouts and acts like a victim in the situation, which is typical. It’s not that I don’t understand and sympathize with her feelings, it’s that I can’t understand how she can let them stall my life, my FI’s, hers AND our roommate’s. My FI is losing patience too.
Every time I try to "put my foot down" she just hates my guts and acts like I am the most selfish, horrible, bitchy evil person in the world who doesnt care about her and is the puppet of my FI. I told her that I could give her at the most till the middle of July to have a decision but after that my FI and I would need to move forward and just get a new place together, and she would then need to find a way to pay for the increased expenses of living in the house without me. That did not go over well, she treated me like I was the worst person in the world.
What do I do? I feel like all I can do is wait.