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My sister and I dont get a long...at all. In fact, other than one time we havent spoken in over a year. The final straw was a big fight involving my SO, but really it was years and years of her emotional abuse.
Honestly, if your family is anything like mine, I would just let her do the reading. If she is traveling for your wedding, and her daughter is in it, asking her not to read could just create even more issues than its worth.
I know this SUCKS, but I'd just let her do it. I'd approve it first and if you don't like it, tell her. No reason to let something you don't like be read. But I wouldn't "kick her out" because... well, we all know how that goes. And it's family, making it even more complicated than the usual bridesmaids suck dilemma. I'd just let her do it. Don't involve her in anything else. At most, she'll be included on the program and she'll talk for <5 minutes. Not exactly "included" in a huge way.
Sorry that you're having to deal with this, but honestly I'd just let it go.
My sister cause so much grief leading up to the wedding, but she played nice on the wedding day. If your FI can put up with it, talk to him about letting her do it.
If he refused, then pull the reading and tell her that you went over the ceremony with your officiant and decided to take it out.
And - don't make your FI talk to her - you need to do it.
Side note: I realized that a lot of DH's negative reaction to my sister had a lot to do with all the anxiety/grief/bitching that I did to him about her. My point is - try to vent about her to other people. I didn't realize how much my negativity played on him and adversely affected their relationship.
my sister was a pain in the ____ before the wedding, so i know a little bit about where you're coming from.
i agree with everyone else just to let her do it. at least it would make your parents happy that you included her, yes?
A point of clarification, her being allowed to attend the wedding was the compromise I made with my FH. He wanted her uninvited, I talked him into allowing her to attend, just not be involved. His problem with my SO started with her blowing smoke into his face causing him to have an issue with Asthma, and then kicking me(literally) when I told her to take it outside. I need help kicking her out, not on if I should.
I like the officiant idea....but our officiant is our Aunt. Thanks for the support though! It is difficult, but I am almost willing to accept my family not coming to the wedding over this than include someone that has been so hateful, and hurtful in our celebration.
Look its your sister always will be no matter what right now you guys might not get along but maybe in the future you will dont take this great memory from her.I have both my sisters as jr. bridesmaides they are young and I still wanted them to feel special and know I care and love them.Just keep conversations minamal before the wedding or talk about things you guys agree on.
Look its your sister always will be no matter what right now you guys might not get along but maybe in the future you will dont take this great memory from her.I have both my sisters as jr. bridesmaides they are young and I still wanted them to feel special and know I care and love them.Just keep conversations minamal before the wedding or talk about things you guys agree on.
@HZ: I think the smoke blowing and kicking are forgivable offenses (rude, immature and wrong), but I'm also not in the middle of the situation. I can understand why both of you are upset. You do know that by kicking her out, you are making a very clear statement to her - right? Sounds like you do - just wanted to say it. Since that's the case, I'd just tell her the truth. "We are really upset by your disrespect and no longer wish for you to participate in the wedding ceremony." She may flip out, refuse to come and/or let her daughter participate - so, those are all things to consider as well. Sisters are TOUGH. I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this!
I still think it would cause more problems than its worth.
Would you rather have your sister read something for 5 minutes or less during the ceremony, or risk losing a flower girl, maybe not have family attend, and most likely ruin any chance at a reconciliation with your sister? I'm not saying what she did was right (it was actually terrible and immature), but I think it might be easier to just let things be and steer clear of her during the wedding. After the wedding, thats another story.
I have 3 younger brothers and have never really wished I had a sister. I loved hanging out with my brothers, and beign the only girl I never really had to share...anything :)
Wedding planning has made me kinda sad about not having a sister because its not like my brothers really care or want to be involved at all. A sister would be someone to lean on.
...or...
...still kinda glad I don't have a sister.
I think however, saving arguements with the rest of your family is a good idea. Somehow, ceremonies are SO FREAKING IMPORTANT. (we've virtually given in and made our entire ceremony according to family wishes because its just SO IMPORTANT TO THEM). I would pick a short reading for your sister if I were you. Worst case she makes an ass of herself.
Sometimes weddings are more about saving face.
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My sister and I are more like the Joker and Batman than Ruth and Idgie (Fried Green Tomatoes). She is not a bridesmaid, but at my familys insistence at me "including her" I asked her to be a reader. However, over the holidays when FH and I were staying with my family, she and I got in a fight. It came to blows, FH and I left for a hotel and almost didn't return. We smoothed things over, but we don't want her involved in our wedding. I waited to let things cool down to prevent a further rift with my entire family. However, now that it is calm, I don't know how to kick her out of my wedding. My FH refuses to even speak to her, and we are both agreed in not wanting her involved, but how do you kick someone out of the wedding without causing a huge scene? Her daughter is our flower girl, and the wedding is out of town. I would prefer if FH talked to her ( I know it is my sister), but if he talks to her and makes it seem like we changed our mind about having a reading not a personal issue, I don't think it will cause a problem. If I do it my entire family will react in a big bad way. Any advice you can give would be amazing!