Post # 1
Hay yall! I need some advice?
My older sister and her husband have this…thing, where they leave very young children with me when we all visit my parents home and then they leave…without telling me, expecting me to take care of their children. And I do, I love my nieces and nephews. They would be gone for under 2 hours but still with babies I have no freakin idea what their schedule is, when they had been fed, slept ect.
Ive put up with this for years to keep the peace and now I am tired of it. their oldest child is fiour, a younger boy 3 and a six month old. Tonight I know that I will end up in my bedroom with at least one of their children since they are a family of five and my parents have a three bedroom home.. And honestly I dont see why I have to do this anymore. I am a college student with not a whole lot of cash or Id stay at a hotel, and my parents both basically say “shit rolls downhill..and your at the bottom.” so no support there. Should I just suck it up and deal with it? should I stand up for myself knowing that Ill just be the bad guy that hates children? Im at a loss.
Post # 3
Honestly, I’d say something to your sister. Her kids so she should take responsibility. She probably doesn’t know you’re annoyed since you’ve never spoken up and said anything. If you do say something I don’t think you’ll be seen as someone who hates children.
Is there any way you can “run out to do an errand” before your sister leaves? Or leave to visit a friend and you don’t plan to be back until later that night? If you’re not there is your sister more likely to take the kids with her? Or would she still leave the kids with your mom?
Post # 4
This doesn’t make sense- the kids are left at the house and you are expected to watch them? What about your parents? Why haven’t you told your sister off? 4 years, of course they think it’s okay now! Tell her you’re done! You need to never let your sister out of your sight when those kids are over, and if she heads towards the door you need to run out and leave first!
And why will one be in your room? Make them all share a bed or put one on the couch- lock your door. You have to refuse, be angry and loud if you have to, or they’re not going to stop.
Post # 5
Hmmmm.. this is just one idea, but the next time she did this to you without saying anything, I would call her and let her know you had plans so you can’t watch her kids. That way, if she comes back for them, she understands this isn’t something that can just happen And it’s an inconvenience for both of you.
If she doesn’t come back right away, same as above, but even more credibility because she made you miss your night so that she could have hers without telling you anything.
Post # 6
@frommisstomrs.: I do try to call her husband or her when they dissapear, and i mean like poof* dont even see it comming, they are very good at that. They turn off their phones.
@secretwife: So I just like…say no? 0.0
@misskoala: She would leave the kids for my mom to take care of, and I feel bad because she has food to cook, and her own time she needs.
Post # 7
@Koifish: That is very irresponsible of them if they are leaving without telling anyone and turning off their phones! What if there was an emergency or injury, etc. You need to sit down with her and let her know it’s not ok.
Post # 8
The minute they got there, I would hug and kiss everybody, grab my books and leave. Say, “LIBRARY” really loudly. Don’t show up again until midnight.
Post # 9
If your parents are at home, you’re at home, you live at home, and your parents are fine with the situation… I don’t think there’s anything you can relly say, unfortunately!
But they really shouldn’t leave their phones off! What if there were an accident!
Post # 10
@1inthechamber: What you said x1000
Give the family hugs and kisses as they walk through the door and then leave ASAP. Go to a friends house. If they mention something about not watching the kids that night tell them how you feel. You have to be very straight forward or you will continue to be used.
Post # 11
I have inlaws that do this! My bil will “Go get gas” for 3 hours while I am watching their kids. I know its vastly different but it irritates me to no end. They also refuse to watch their kids while they visit. Bil usually then takes hours long naps after his gas adventure. Its very disrespectful to me, especially because I dont know them that well. I have never felt comfortable saying anything to them. And SIL rarely ever graces us with her presence…I just dont get it. And their kids are horrible (they are getting a little better). They always expect a new toy when they come over and immediately turn the tv to cartoons. The mess they leave is ridiculous..They refuse to eat anything other than junk. I guess I wouldnt mind watching them more (unwillingly) if they were better behaved and just nicer?
Post # 12
@Koifish: That is really horrible.
Im in a different situation, but i know what it feels like to not want to watch them, but then I would feel guilty like im a bad aunt or cousin (sister in your case) BUT i have learned that spending time and baby sitting are completely different.
That is so disrespectful that they turn off their phones and dont ask you to do it. They totally do it on purpose. I woud announce I have plans shortly after everyone arrives but at the same time you shouldnt have to leave your house to get away.
When they get back or even before they leave I would sit your sister down and tell her that she is being an irresponsible mother turning off her phone and taking off withotu telling anyone and its time to cut it out.
Post # 13
One of my sisters used to pull that stunt when we were all at home visiting Mom and Dad. They would either go out in the evening to visit friends, or, in the morning, they would pretend not to hear their own children so someone else would get up and take care of them.
People who are users like your sister and my sister, are not going to change until they have to.
I think they are turning off their phones just so they can avoid talking with anyone directly. They probably check for messages frequently, so they likely aren’t completely neglectful parents.
I finally had to tell my sister that I had my own kids, that I wasn’t a built in sitter for hers, and unless I was asked and agreed to look after her kids, she should consider that I wasn’t available and hire a sitter.
Post # 14
I’d just comment that you will not be available to watch their children if they choose to disappear, so if they leave them at home expecting that, you hope their children know how to fend for themselves.
Or better yet, just leave. The second they seem like they may be getting ready to bolt, conveniently have a friend you have to meet or a library book to return ot you need to hit the pharmacy for tylenol or something.
Post # 15
I would be so mad if my sister did this to me I’d probably warn her beforehand that if she takes off and leaves her kids with me without warning, I’m going to leave the house and call CPS on her ass. ( I wouldn’t actually do it though. Probably.)
Post # 16
@Koifish: you need to say something to her, that is totally not okay. my sister watches my daughter a fair amount but I always ask her first, and she knows it’s okay to say no. I would never just dissapear without saying a word and turn my phone off, what if there is an emergency? it may be that your sister never gets any time off from the kids and she just really needs an hour to get some things done, but she needs to ask you first. I would tell her that if she wants you to watch the kids she needs to ask you in advance, and you need to agree to a time limit. it would be one thing if she just had to run to the store for 5 minutes, but to leave for hours and turn her phone off is totally taking advantage