Hi all -- this is my first time posting, but this is also the first emotional roadblock for me in this whole process! I'm getting married on Nov. 15. I made my (only) sister the maid of honor even though I am closer with my best friend, because I felt like it was the right thing to do. Last night, she told me that she and her boyfriend of 3 months are getting engaged. I guess they don't have the ring yet, but she's calling everyone to tell them. First of all, that seems a bit fast to me. I don't think people need to date forever, but less than a year seems a bit hasty. And I also just can't help feeling (however horrible it is) that maybe subconciously she is trying to steal my thunder. You have to believe me that I am NOT the Bridezilla type -- I'm not one of these "me me me" princess type brides AT ALL. But it just feels like the timing is weird, and it really hurts me.
Do you guys have any thoughts? I would really appreciate any advice. Should I talk to her? Should I make a big deal of her engagement at my weddign? Thjanks.
At this point, I'd do nothing but say "Congratulations!" and leave it at that. The initial excitement of an engagement will wear off, and your wedding will take center stage. If, a month from now, there's a ring purchased and plans made, it would be appropriate to mention it at some point, maybe at the rehearsal dinner -- if you feel like it. If you don't, then don't. It's your wedding and she'll get her turn.
I don't know that it's stealing your thunder, especially since she's calling people to tell them now instead of waiting to get the ring (which could happen right around the time of your wedding, you know?). Just play it cool and see how it plays out and in the meantime, try to be happy for her. Hopefully you like the guy, even though they seem to be taking things quickly?
are they pregnant?....I'm sure that with the timing that's what everyone will think...once people start asking how long they've been together.
I don't think she will steal your thunder...if anything...with the odd timing...and the short relationship...people might think SHE is acting needy and craving attention...obviously, not a good thing.
You can't stop them from getting engaged and weddings bring the "romantic" in some people...try to let it go.
You should talk to her about your concerns regarding the short amount of time she and her boyfriend have known each other, but be prepared that she will likely be very defensive. Make sure she knows you are ONLY concerned about her well being. You can also encourage her to have a long engagement since they have dated for such a short time.
At your wedding, it is about you for that day. There is no need to make a special fuss about her engagement. Your sister will get to have her own celebrations for her engagement and wedding. I don't think there is anything wrong with also letting her know that you want your wedding day to be yours and your husbands. Be careful not to come across as accussing her of anything; this can be a hard subject, especially between siblings. While she should not hide her engagement, or not be allowed to talk about it at your wedding, hopefully she will be understanding and let it be your time to shine.
First let me say - UGH! That sucks! I am sorry! You can scream and yell and be annoyed -- at home, to yourself, to your fiance or to us!! :) But you have to leave all that in private.
My advice is to be happy for her ... you still have more then a month before your wedding, so hopefully the news will die down a bit. I can imagineyou have a lot going on so focus on you. Tell your sister how happy you are for her (even though I agree - three months is fast!) but that you really need her support as MOH for the next few weeks and as soon as you get back from your honeymoon you are moer then happy to help her start planning her own wedding.
She could be trying to steal your thunder, or she could genuinely be in love ... let's go with the love and remember how excited you were when you got engaged. I'm with you that it stinks, and I would hate for that to happen, but at the same time I would be happy my sister was happy!
Also, if things are resolved and you are happy for her by the time of your wedding a really funny idea I saw at another wedding was the DJ asked all the couples who were recently engaged (there were 7 of them!!) to come to the dance floor and they played the song "Another One Bites the Dust" .... it was hysterical and the bride and groom quickly interrupted the song to say congratulations and they can't wait to attend all of their weddings in the year to come. It was super cute and I plan to do it at my own!
You don't want to harbor any negative feelings when your big day is coming up so soon. I would congratulate her and leave your personal opinion about her engagement for maybe after the big day where you can sit down and talk to her about how you feel she's rushing it a bit.
When she's officially engaged, and ready to plan her own wedding..I'm sure all the advice you've given her will make a big difference. Right now, she may be in wedding-happy mode to see you so excited for your day that it makes her want to be in that stage too. A lot can happen int he time she's engaged. Maybe she is ready after all and maybe to them, time doesn't measure what they feel for them.
This reminds me of Friends when Rachel and Ross kiss before Monica & Chandler's engagement dinner I think. Monica thinks Rachel is stealing her thunder & vows to announce her pregnancy the day Rachel gets engaged...LOL
Thanks, you guys -- this is really helpful and makes me a feel a LOT better. And cannotwait -- I thought of that too! I've thought it would be funny to announce my pregnancy 6 weeks before HER wedding. (NOT really -- I'm just kidding.)
Kind of an interesting situation but don't let your sisters engagement bother you. Of course it totally ok to have the thoughts your having. Your in total wedding mode and your happy for your sister too, definitely make sure she is ready to make the commitment and let her know as soon as your wedding is over your all hers to help plan her wedding and all that good stuff. Don't feel obligated to acknowledge this in your wedding you don't have to. This time is your time and her time will be next.
I wanted to add my 2 cents as someone who got engaged 2 weeks before my fiance's sister's wedding. I don't know your sister but for us it had absolutley nothing to do with his sister getting married or stealing anyone's thunder, it was just the right time for us. Most people heard about it or saw the ring for the first time at the wedding, but I think my FSIL would agree that nothing took the attention away from her that day. Other than the fact that getting engaged so fast is a bit concerning, I think getting engaged so close to your wedding should not be a big deal, life goes on for other people even as we plan our weddings.
Some people *know* after a few months, and some people take years to get around to the idea. We can point at the people who get engaged early as jumping the gun, and we can point at those who take years as commitment-phobic - the fact is, everybody has their own time table. And as far as things like engagement or pregnancy go, I honestly believe that most of us are not thinking about everybody else.
DH asked me to marry him three weeks after his father's death, and two weeks after the memorial service. I'm know for a fact that his sister thought it was terribly inappropriate - but he had it planned for over a month before that. In his mind it was mostly tragic that his dad hadn't lived to see it - so why put it off even longer?
Our wedding was on the same day as my niece's first birthday. I suppose my sister could have thought of it as *stealing her thunder* but honestly it was just the best month for us, and it so happened that day was the only Saturday the venue was available that month. (Of course I checked with her before I reserved it!)
If your sister and her boyfriend have decided to get engaged, I doubt it has anything to do with your wedding. And she is doing the right thing by talking to you up front. Would it be somehow more appropriate if they kept it a secret for a while? If so, for how long? I think it's probably just a coincidence. And sadly, as much as we brides believe we are the center of the universe, everybody else's life goes on independently of our wedding. I would just be happy for her. Think how much more your wedding will mean to her now that she is looking forward to her own. And you will have so much good advice to give! As a good sister should. It doesn't take anything away from you for your sister to be happy and fortunate as well.
I don't think I'm the center of the universe, suzanno. I know it's a message board, and thus a limited format, but there is a history of competition between my sister and me -- some family dynamics that can't really be captured in a post unless I were to write for pages and pages. I just wanted a little support and constructive advice. Thanks to all.
I think the answer is that, EVEN IF my sister is subconcsiously doing this as a way to get some attention, (which wouldn't be totally inconsistent with things she's done in the past), I should still be gracious and happy for her, and then just move on with my wedding, which is my day.
I wouldn't worry about your sister stealing your thunder. My mother actually got engaged the week of my wedding! And I was only thrilled for her! No one made a big deal about it (that I know of) and honestly... I wouldn't make a big deal about it. And if anything is said it probably wont be a big deal at all I can understand the concern that she's getting engaged so soon.. but everyone falls in love differently. Just be happy for her and forget about it! Because on the day of your wedding nothing will matter but you and your husband.
Hey you're allowed to be pissed. Take all the other bees' advice, but hear this from me (a person whose sister in law announced her pregnancy at my bridal shower and said she wanted to get pregnant before my wedding so she could celebrate it with everyone there).....you can be pissed if you want to! Yeah yeah, do it in private....this is what girlfriends are for. Eventually, it'll go away. Some people just need the spotlight and some people don't. (maybe that's not the case here and they're really in love...blah blah blah) but take comfort in the fact that people usually like non-attention-seekers better. So there! Good luck!
I think you should take the high road and just offer happy congrats and relish your joy. People get too caught up with the attention of the day. Better good news than bad news like an accident or a death. Count your blessings.
Hi all -- this is my first time posting, but this is also the first emotional roadblock for me in this whole process! I'm getting married on Nov. 15. I made my (only) sister the maid of honor even though I am closer with my best friend, because I felt like it was the right thing to do. Last night, she told me that she and her boyfriend of 3 months are getting engaged. I guess they don't have the ring yet, but she's calling everyone to tell them. First of all, that seems a bit fast to me. I don't think people need to date forever, but less than a year seems a bit hasty. And I also just can't help feeling (however horrible it is) that maybe subconciously she is trying to steal my thunder. You have to believe me that I am NOT the Bridezilla type -- I'm not one of these "me me me" princess type brides AT ALL. But it just feels like the timing is weird, and it really hurts me.
Do you guys have any thoughts? I would really appreciate any advice. Should I talk to her? Should I make a big deal of her engagement at my weddign? Thjanks.
posted by jess03 33 posts 1 month agoAt this point, I'd do nothing but say "Congratulations!" and leave it at that. The initial excitement of an engagement will wear off, and your wedding will take center stage. If, a month from now, there's a ring purchased and plans made, it would be appropriate to mention it at some point, maybe at the rehearsal dinner -- if you feel like it. If you don't, then don't. It's your wedding and she'll get her turn.
I don't know that it's stealing your thunder, especially since she's calling people to tell them now instead of waiting to get the ring (which could happen right around the time of your wedding, you know?). Just play it cool and see how it plays out and in the meantime, try to be happy for her. Hopefully you like the guy, even though they seem to be taking things quickly?
posted by amysue 643 posts 1 month agoare they pregnant?....I'm sure that with the timing that's what everyone will think...once people start asking how long they've been together.
I don't think she will steal your thunder...if anything...with the odd timing...and the short relationship...people might think SHE is acting needy and craving attention...obviously, not a good thing.
You can't stop them from getting engaged and weddings bring the "romantic" in some people...try to let it go.
posted by V 235 posts 1 month agoYou should talk to her about your concerns regarding the short amount of time she and her boyfriend have known each other, but be prepared that she will likely be very defensive. Make sure she knows you are ONLY concerned about her well being. You can also encourage her to have a long engagement since they have dated for such a short time.
At your wedding, it is about you for that day. There is no need to make a special fuss about her engagement. Your sister will get to have her own celebrations for her engagement and wedding. I don't think there is anything wrong with also letting her know that you want your wedding day to be yours and your husbands. Be careful not to come across as accussing her of anything; this can be a hard subject, especially between siblings. While she should not hide her engagement, or not be allowed to talk about it at your wedding, hopefully she will be understanding and let it be your time to shine.
Good Luck.
posted by DrB 107 posts 1 month agoFirst let me say - UGH! That sucks! I am sorry! You can scream and yell and be annoyed -- at home, to yourself, to your fiance or to us!! :) But you have to leave all that in private.
My advice is to be happy for her ... you still have more then a month before your wedding, so hopefully the news will die down a bit. I can imagineyou have a lot going on so focus on you. Tell your sister how happy you are for her (even though I agree - three months is fast!) but that you really need her support as MOH for the next few weeks and as soon as you get back from your honeymoon you are moer then happy to help her start planning her own wedding.
She could be trying to steal your thunder, or she could genuinely be in love ... let's go with the love and remember how excited you were when you got engaged. I'm with you that it stinks, and I would hate for that to happen, but at the same time I would be happy my sister was happy!
Good luck!
posted by HumarockBride 186 posts 1 month agoAlso, if things are resolved and you are happy for her by the time of your wedding a really funny idea I saw at another wedding was the DJ asked all the couples who were recently engaged (there were 7 of them!!) to come to the dance floor and they played the song "Another One Bites the Dust" .... it was hysterical and the bride and groom quickly interrupted the song to say congratulations and they can't wait to attend all of their weddings in the year to come. It was super cute and I plan to do it at my own!
posted by HumarockBride 186 posts 1 month agoYou don't want to harbor any negative feelings when your big day is coming up so soon. I would congratulate her and leave your personal opinion about her engagement for maybe after the big day where you can sit down and talk to her about how you feel she's rushing it a bit.
When she's officially engaged, and ready to plan her own wedding..I'm sure all the advice you've given her will make a big difference. Right now, she may be in wedding-happy mode to see you so excited for your day that it makes her want to be in that stage too. A lot can happen int he time she's engaged. Maybe she is ready after all and maybe to them, time doesn't measure what they feel for them.
posted by pinkparfait 72 posts 1 month agoThis reminds me of Friends when Rachel and Ross kiss before Monica & Chandler's engagement dinner I think. Monica thinks Rachel is stealing her thunder & vows to announce her pregnancy the day Rachel gets engaged...LOL
posted by cannotwait 232 posts 1 month agoThanks, you guys -- this is really helpful and makes me a feel a LOT better. And cannotwait -- I thought of that too! I've thought it would be funny to announce my pregnancy 6 weeks before HER wedding. (NOT really -- I'm just kidding.)
Thanks for all the advice and support!
posted by jess03 33 posts 1 month agoi got engaged after 3.5 months... and I knew my b/f at the time way better than I knew my ex. b/f that I dated for over 6 years.
If you know it, you know it. :)
Say congrats and keep going with your life.
posted by GoIzzy 17 posts 1 month agoi got engaged after 3.5 months... and I knew my b/f at the time way better than I knew my ex. b/f that I dated for over 6 years.
If you know it, you know it. :)
Say congrats and keep going with your life.
posted by GoIzzy 17 posts 1 month agoKind of an interesting situation but don't let your sisters engagement bother you. Of course it totally ok to have the thoughts your having. Your in total wedding mode and your happy for your sister too, definitely make sure she is ready to make the commitment and let her know as soon as your wedding is over your all hers to help plan her wedding and all that good stuff. Don't feel obligated to acknowledge this in your wedding you don't have to. This time is your time and her time will be next.
posted by Vic004 37 posts 1 month agoI wanted to add my 2 cents as someone who got engaged 2 weeks before my fiance's sister's wedding. I don't know your sister but for us it had absolutley nothing to do with his sister getting married or stealing anyone's thunder, it was just the right time for us. Most people heard about it or saw the ring for the first time at the wedding, but I think my FSIL would agree that nothing took the attention away from her that day. Other than the fact that getting engaged so fast is a bit concerning, I think getting engaged so close to your wedding should not be a big deal, life goes on for other people even as we plan our weddings.
posted by may31bride 6 posts 1 month agoSome people *know* after a few months, and some people take years to get around to the idea. We can point at the people who get engaged early as jumping the gun, and we can point at those who take years as commitment-phobic - the fact is, everybody has their own time table. And as far as things like engagement or pregnancy go, I honestly believe that most of us are not thinking about everybody else.
DH asked me to marry him three weeks after his father's death, and two weeks after the memorial service. I'm know for a fact that his sister thought it was terribly inappropriate - but he had it planned for over a month before that. In his mind it was mostly tragic that his dad hadn't lived to see it - so why put it off even longer?
Our wedding was on the same day as my niece's first birthday. I suppose my sister could have thought of it as *stealing her thunder* but honestly it was just the best month for us, and it so happened that day was the only Saturday the venue was available that month. (Of course I checked with her before I reserved it!)
If your sister and her boyfriend have decided to get engaged, I doubt it has anything to do with your wedding. And she is doing the right thing by talking to you up front. Would it be somehow more appropriate if they kept it a secret for a while? If so, for how long? I think it's probably just a coincidence. And sadly, as much as we brides believe we are the center of the universe, everybody else's life goes on independently of our wedding. I would just be happy for her. Think how much more your wedding will mean to her now that she is looking forward to her own. And you will have so much good advice to give! As a good sister should. It doesn't take anything away from you for your sister to be happy and fortunate as well.
posted by suzanno 1,984 posts 1 month agoI don't think I'm the center of the universe, suzanno. I know it's a message board, and thus a limited format, but there is a history of competition between my sister and me -- some family dynamics that can't really be captured in a post unless I were to write for pages and pages. I just wanted a little support and constructive advice. Thanks to all.
I think the answer is that, EVEN IF my sister is subconcsiously doing this as a way to get some attention, (which wouldn't be totally inconsistent with things she's done in the past), I should still be gracious and happy for her, and then just move on with my wedding, which is my day.
posted by jess03 33 posts 1 month agoI wouldn't worry about your sister stealing your thunder. My mother actually got engaged the week of my wedding! And I was only thrilled for her! No one made a big deal about it (that I know of) and honestly... I wouldn't make a big deal about it. And if anything is said it probably wont be a big deal at all I can understand the concern that she's getting engaged so soon.. but everyone falls in love differently. Just be happy for her and forget about it! Because on the day of your wedding nothing will matter but you and your husband.
posted by MissStargazerLily 44 posts 1 month agoGood decision, jess03!
posted by Krista 102 posts 1 month agoHey you're allowed to be pissed. Take all the other bees' advice, but hear this from me (a person whose sister in law announced her pregnancy at my bridal shower and said she wanted to get pregnant before my wedding so she could celebrate it with everyone there).....you can be pissed if you want to! Yeah yeah, do it in private....this is what girlfriends are for. Eventually, it'll go away. Some people just need the spotlight and some people don't. (maybe that's not the case here and they're really in love...blah blah blah) but take comfort in the fact that people usually like non-attention-seekers better. So there! Good luck!
posted by gracielou 90 posts 1 month agoI think you should take the high road and just offer happy congrats and relish your joy. People get too caught up with the attention of the day. Better good news than bad news like an accident or a death. Count your blessings.
posted by beans654321 10 posts 1 month agoThanks gracielou!
posted by jess03 33 posts 1 month ago