Post # 1
let me first just say that I am happy for my sister. I am very glad that she has found someone that makes her happy.
That said, let me now unload
My FI and I have been together for awhile now. Long enough to meet extended family, take family vacations together, coordinate holidays etc. My sister, at the time of her engagement, had never introduced her now FI to anyone except immediate family. My aunt actually said “who is that?” when she was told my sister was engaged.
When we got engaged people wouldn’t stop asking us about our wedding details. We barely got a chance to enjoy just being engaged before we “had” to set a date, “had” to find a venue, “had” to find a dress, “had” to know every minute detail of our wedding or people would look at us like we weren’t getting things done. My sister gets engaged, no one asks her. When I ask her about her wedding I was told that I was not to ask about anything because she was too stressed and couldn’t deal with her wedding right now.
Then when she could find a day she chose our back up date, THEN she picked a day that my other sister was already in a wedding (one that had been being planned for 3 years) and told her that she couldn’t be in that wedding. My other sister was a bridesmaid in this wedding that she was being told that she had to back out and be in my sisters wedding instead.
While this was all going on I was beginning my quest for vendors. I was doing all of the grunt work, no help from anyone. Until, of course, I picked something that someone didn’t think was good enough, then they had an opinion and “offered” to help.
She has put off planning her wedding so much that now she is just asking for all of my vendors. Her wedding is after mine. Does she realize that if she picks everything the same people will notice. She is also not paying attention to budget and seems to think that my parents are made of money. I cannot deal with her calling and emailing me anymore for my vendor info or asking me to do something for her wedding. I’m planning my own here, or did you forget?!
just needed to vent. I’m sure I sound petty but it is frustrating!
Post # 3
Wow, that sounds REALLY REALLY annoying! I would just stop giving her you info and ask her to please have a little consideration for your wedding, which has been in the works for some time longer than hers. How close are your dates? If her date was your backup they must be too close for comfort! Tell me she at least found her own venue.
Post # 4
wow. i understand…but she’s your sister. stop the competition and just be happy for her. are you sure you are not secretly jealous of her or something?
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
What’s to vent about? No one is asking her about her wedding because they are less excited about her wedding. She’s probably posting on another board about how jealous she is that her whole family is falling over themselves to talk about her sister’s wedding and no one cares about hers.
As for stealing your vendors… probably no one will notice. And your wedding is first, so at least no one will think you copied her, right? Just start telling her “it’s a surprise” for everything and she’ll do her own work. And then don’t worry about it anymore.
Post # 6
Totally get your frustration but pp is right, it sounds like they’re less excited since they don’t actually know her FI. Plus it’s annoyin gshe’s not doing her own work, but just b/c she uses your vendors doesn’t mean that everything will be the same. Hang in there, it’ll be fine!
Post # 7
That would annoy me to pieces too! Just be glad your wedding is before hers! 😉 I’d be as helpful and as short with my replies to her post. It’s understandable that she’s trying to gleen from your wedding wisdom and if it were anyone other than your sister, you’d probably be more happy to help. Some people (especially sisters) just hit ALL the wrong buttons. Try your best to be kind to her and not make your wedding planning damage your family relationship. That said, you don’t need to cater to her beck and call and if you can’t help her, don’t have time, etc – then just tell her.
Post # 8
So, kind of unrelated, but kind of not. I have two sisters who are moving to the city I live in and have been constantly asking me a bazillion questions…to the point it’s driving me nuts. I don’t mind helping out, but sheesh, can they not do atleast some of the things on their own? So, finally after a million texts, I finally responded with, “GOOGLE…live it, learn it, love it.” They got the point. Maybe send your sister a subtle hint like I did…one that screams “Figure it out yourself” without being too blunt. lol
Post # 9
Hey there, I feel your pain. My brother just got married and I went through this with his now wife. I had planned a wedding years ago and had done the research on vendors etc. Then when the FI and I started talking about rings I began my wedding quest. So my SIL kept asking me for my vendors phone numbers etc. To go with her to interview them etc. Then she would lose the number ask me again etc. Then it went so far as to ask me to contact them to let them know this or that. It was very frustrating because I felt like I had planned their whole wedding! Which besides the desing of the cake and her wedding dress everything else was my idea. Agghhh!
Now I”m doing my wedding and I don’t have their help. Instead my SIL asks me to contact the carpenter to repair a leak in their home. I’m like call him yourself!
Hang in there!
Post # 10
@JsDragonfly — thats EXACTLY it!! I have done a bunch of grunt work and it isnt rocket science, I googled! Seriously not difficult. If I was able to do all of this, and change jobs, and buy a house, and get a new puppy a person who has a job they can leave a work, renting, and has no pets can do it! Its annoying not because she is using all of the same people, its that she is using all of my labor with not even a thank you.
Post # 11
There are a million vendors out there, it shouldnt be that hard to find some of your own, planning one wedding is stressful enough
Post # 12
Um are you my sister? Our stories are so similar it’s scary. Although she is older and was engaged first, but took forever to plan her wedding so she ended up trying to use all of MY vendors, but they were already booked for her date which is 6 months before mine. And I barely got a chance to introduce FI to the extended family since I never see them.
My sister was so pissed when I got engaged while she was engaged, everything you are saying are things she said to me! She even threatened (and almost didn’t) come to my engagement party she was so mad. It took her a while and a lot of screaming fights to get over her anger, but now she is a lot more (but not totally) supportive of me.
It’s not my fault she dated her husband for so long before finally getting engaged – I really didn’t want to wait until my 30’s to get married just because the timing wasn’t good for her. Sorry for my mini vent, but just thougth I’d give you my perspective. Oh, and I intentionally picked my date so it would work for her and our other sister who are both my MOH”s.
Post # 13
i understand that you’re frusterated, but why don’t you try to make the situation a positive one? not many people want to talk weddings all the time, and since your sister is planning hers, she probably does, and it can be fun to plan your weddings together.
Post # 14
is she your younger sister or older sister, just wondering?
id be annoyed too. sisters can be the trickiest at times. im not even engaged but my sister and i were watching “say yes to the dress” and i said id only want my parents to come with me to pick out a dress. she through a fit about it because she thinks she has to come. little does she know i wouldnt even make her a bridesmaid!
Post # 15
Even if you have the same vendors, they can vary the details and make sure your weddings are different. No matter what, yours is first!!
Post # 16
Wow, you have a whole lot on your plate, actually your whole family does. You have to focus on what you need to do first, as in your own wedding planning. If you respond to every question, e-mail, message, etc., you will never get a chance to accomplish what you need to. Just like when she said she was too overwhelmed to discuss things, it can also be overwhelming to fill her in on every detail of each one of your vendors. I’m not sure what kind of relationship you guys have but I would be honest with her and let her know that you need to focus on your things.