Post # 1
wow… how surprising. i got engaged 2 weeks ago and sister hasn’t even said a thing. she hasn’t asked to see the ring, doesn’t even talk about it… in fact, my family i think could care a less.
although i always knew it would probably be like this… i am 48yo, never been engaged… and i think everyone, including myself, just figured it would never happen.
my fiance says my family is incredibly selfish. his family on the other hand has sent us congrats cards, etc… phone calls, etc, etc… my family nothing.
mostly though i am upset and disappointed at my sister’s reaction. she has been divorced 5 years… but i wouldn’t think that would have anything to do with my engangement. i was happy for her when she got married 20+ years ago, but apparently that doesn’t go both ways.
i know i will get no shower, etc… and that’s okay. it’s just kind of sad… that i am getting married and the family could care a less 🙁
Post # 3
First off, Congratulations and welcome to Weddingbee! I think it’s unfair she isn’t being supportive. Do you have other friends that are supportive? I would surround myself with those types of people so you don’t feel sad.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry to hear that your family is not supporting you in this. I can relate because one of my family members (not going to mention) was rather bitter towards my engagement with my fiance. The person didn’t call or congratulate me on it, and she’s a very close family member. I got really hurt and cried a lot. It’s sad to think that the most important people aren’t there for you in this most special time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Be strong. In the end, they’ll realize what they did was wrong. Give it some time. Don’t focus on them not doing their part, but rather focus on your engagement and how happy this man makes you. Forget the rest. Enjoy your engagement. Enjoy this time. I hope this helps <3
Post # 5
@beekiss2: yes beekiss… i do have good friends who are excited, which is nice, thanks. my fiance is super excited, LOL… he’s a nut. i am excited, but very scared as i have never been married or engaged. i am confident in him as a hubby… it has just been alot of changes since starting to date him 1.5yrs ago.
it’s just weird, my sister’s reaction. i just don’t get it. i am in therapy and working on my codependent behaviors with alot of people and don’t want to write her and say ‘is something wrong’? i feel if she is upset at something, she is an adult who can come forward and speak that. i have posted pictures of wedding dresses that i have looked at, etc…and she comments nothing on them.
i am ready to quit facebook because it’s killing me to talk about my engagement and have her act like my life has not changed 🙁
Post # 6
Congratulations. How long ago did you get engaged?
I think you should come over here to WB and post stuff about your wedding. Even thought its been 5 years maybe she is having issues. Try to keep some stuff private if you can. A lot of people will tell you that no one cares more about your wedding then you do.
Post # 7
@caszos: got engaged 2 weeks ago… the last night of our vacation, it was awesome. i wish i could redo it though, cause i was soooo shocked!!, LOL… i couldnt take it all in until the next morning 🙂 it’s on video… i am balling like a baby and thought he was joking until i saw the diamond 🙂
do you mean come over to WB… wedding bee?
Post # 8
Congrats! that stinks about your family and your sister. My sister was the first person I called and it was so nice to have someone as excited as I was. However I know how you are as, FI’s family including has mom has never once congratulated us, and FI and I have been together for 4 years! Don’t let them get you down! It’s your day and you deserve to have everything you want on that day. And you deserve everything even a shower if you want one!
Post # 9
Congratulations!! I have learned the hard way that as long as you yourself and your fiance are happy that’s all that matters 🙂
My FH and I have been engaged since May. His parents who live literally less then 5 minutes away, have not mentioned the engagement or wedding to me once. No congrats, no ohh let me see the ring, no questions about the wedding we’re planning in a different state, nothing. My family on the other hand, has sent cards, gifts, all kinds of things! When I expressed how I felt to my FH he said that’s just how his family is, and that as long as we’re happy, we know we’ll atleast have each other at our wedding. IT’s true, may be sad to think about, but this is one of the happiest times in your life! Cherish it…with or without your sister and/or family. It’s their loss, and they’ll most likely come around 🙂
Post # 10
Awww.. I’m sorry. I totally get this. My husband’s family was all excited about our wedding. Although we just had a city hall wedding (church wedding next year), his parents and brother still insisted on being there. They made a big fuss about everything with presents and cards. On my birthday they call me and send cards.
My parents and sister? They didn’t come (but to be fair, it was a three-hour drive for them). No cards, no presents. It was an encore wedding and not even a “wedding” so they didn’t see the point. My parents are older and just don’t make a big fuss over holidays or really celebrate things. In their opinion, birthday celebrations are only for children. It’s just the way it is.
So I get it. My sister didn’t talk about my engagement either, althought she did ask to look at my ring. She didn’t come to my wedding, but called me on my wedding day. To be honest, I guess I accept that is the way my family is. I try not to think of their way as “wrong” or my husband’s family’s way as “right,” but as two different styles.
The other issue you may be running into is that some people tend to consider a formal engagement as something more suited to a young, first-time bride. Even though you are a first-time bride, I think after a certain age (no idea at what that age is..early 30s maybe?) people tend to expect you to just get married and get on with it. Not sure why, but I know that is the attitude I encountered. Maybe because they think of engagement as a time for the bride to prepare to leave her parents’ home and start a new “adult’ life…I don’t know.
Anyway, don’t let it get you down. It sounds like you are marrying a great guy and his relatives seems thrilled that you will be a part of their family.
Post # 11
@saddlebred: Yes, WB is short for WeddingBee. Its much easier to talk wedding stuff to other people that are living and breathing weddings also!
Post # 12
thanks everyone for your thoughts and replies. unfortunately when stuff like this happens, it makes me realize that my relationship with my sister is not what i want it to be, or have pretended it to be 🙁
i need to accept this and move on. i was always afraid to accept it because i think in the bottom of my gut, i knew my sister never wanted a full relationship with me like i have always wanted with her. maybe it’s just time i let her go.
Post # 13
So sorry to hear that.
I also had reactions that were less than thrilled. My fiance’s family hardly acknowledged it. My own sister also. Now my fiance’s mom is coming around finally, months later.
Post # 14
aww im sorry to hear about this makes me pretty mad!!! as this is such an exciting and happy time for you and your hubbyto be !!!! well we are all super excited for you!!!! but i can understand how hurtful it can be,
Post # 15
I agree with caszos–this is a fantasti place to talk about details, dresses, all that stuff. People in your life…it’s not that most of them don’t care, it’s just not that big a deal to them, and they’re not tuned to the all-wedding, all-the-time channel like we are.
Welcome, and congratulations!
Post # 16
Congratulations on your engagement! I can relate to you 110%. My family could care less; whereas, his family supported us so much. As a matter of fact, my family didn’t give us anything! On the other hand, his family gave so much. And it’s not an issue of money either. My family is more well off financially than his family. It’s just that they are selfish. I am really sorry you are going through this. I’m the type of person that I would gently confront my family and ask them straight out: “Are you happy for me that I found someone that I love and am going to spend the rest of my life with?” It all depends on your level of comfort though when interacting with them. Good luck!