Post # 1
I have been “friends” with my future sister in law for the past 6 years. We were friends in the past, but lately all she does is give me an attitude when she sees me. I do not understand.
I was 100% sure I wanted to have her as a bridesmaid. Until I recently realized that we are not really friends at all. We never talk, we fight a lot, and she talks bad about me to her cousin. I honestly do not feel like having her as a bridesmaid because I know that she does not like me. I feel obligated to have her as a bridesmaids though because my fiances mom is paying for the wedding. I do not know what to do because ideally I would not want her to be a bridesmaid..
Should I just deal with it and allow her to be one? Or should I just tell her that I do not like the fact that she talks bad about me.. and that I am not going to have someone that does not like me in my wedding party?
Post # 3
Your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest friends. Not someone you feel obligated to include. I voted No.
Post # 4
Have you every tried confronting her to ask her what her problem is and why she feels the need to talk bad about you? You yourself said you realize you are actually not as close to her as you thought you once were. There doesn’t seem like any reason to have her as a bridesmaid just because she is your sister in law? That is not a good enough reason, especially because you said you hardly even talk to her. Just because they are paying for your wedding doesn’t mean you have to have her in your wedding party. It is your wedding day, why would you want someone like that standing next to you? You are not obligated to have her in your party and the whole point of choosing a bridesmaid is to pick those who you are closest to and who mean something to you as a friend/family member.
Don’t have her in your wedding party, you’ll be much happier looking through your wedding albums down the line without having to look at someone who looks like they don’t even wanna be there!
Post # 5
Nope. No explaination necessary. You arent freinds.
Post # 6
Since you’re not friends and fight a lot, I wouldn’t have her in the bridal party. The last thing you need is fighting with your SIL during stressful wedding planning.
Post # 7
I don’t think you have to, but personally, I would consider how this affects the family dynamic. Will your FI, or FILs, or FSIL be upset by your not including her, and are you okay with dealing with that emotion?
Post # 8
i think you might have to suck it up and have her as a bridesmaid. I think it might make the situation way worse if you leave her out. It will probably create some pretty bad tension that you don’t want going into the marriage. Just my opinion!
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
@msfahrenheit: + 1
@jbridea: You are not obligated to have anyone in your bridal party that you do not feel should be included. IMO if she wanted to be part of your bridal party than she would attempt to be more civil to you. I vote no. You want your day to be as stress free as possible and you want a party who will support you, not drag you down and stress you out.
Post # 10
I am usually all for not having people as BMs out of obligation but this could be tricky.. Because you said you havebeen friends the past 6 years and this new attitude is a recent thing I think you should sit down and talk with her. Find out what is going on and why she is talking bad about you. See if you can resolve it. If you get a clean start out of it I would consider adding her to the wedding party. If the talk doesn’t go well and there are still problems then No don’t have her. I was in my SIL’s weddings and they were in mine. For mine I was weary of one SIL because we too just had a rough year or not really speaking but we were on new fresh terms when I got engaged and I thought it was a good way to start over by having her in the wedding party and I do not regret it.
Post # 11
@jbridea: Do NOT allow her in the party. She will only cause more drama. If she asks why, don’t be afraid to tell her th truth.
The wedding party is a personal choice and you need to be surrounded by thoes who love you and will not cause stress.
IF your MIL does not agree, find another way to finance the wedding.
Post # 12
I would talk to your FI. If he’s not really close with her and doesn’t mind her not being in the wedding party, then I’d do completely what you feel is right.
DH has 2 sisters that he 100% wanted in the wedding party, even though I really was not close with them. (We live 1.5 hours away from his fam and only dated for 1.5 years before being engaged so I hadn’t seen them much or known them too well.)
But I agreed to that over a few childhood friends I also would’ve considered family. I just think wedding parties should be made up of those nearest and dearest…of both the bride and the groom regardless of which side they’re standing on. 🙂 He’s close with his sisters and it was important to him, so I made it important to me too.
Post # 13
I included someone in my bridal party because I was pressured into it.. and it honestly was my biggest regret/mistake of the whole wedding process. I had no expectations for my bridesmaids and even let them choose their own dresses.. and she made everything a problem. She was rude to the other bridesmaids and me every chance she got. Don’t make the same mistake as me!
Post # 14
She talks bad about you behind your back? She gives you attitude? Uhm, no. Don’t have her be in your bridal party. I honestly think it will be way too much stress with her, and she’ll give you a hard time. If your FMIL throws a fit, then I’d finance the wedding in a different way – unless their contribution is enough that you’re willing to put up with a rude bridesmaid.
Post # 15
I say don’t have her in the wedding party if you don’t want her there. But since your fiance’s parents are paying and you think they might be upset if she is left out, it my be better to nix the whole wedding party so that she isn’t left out. Or maybe just 1 MOH that you’re really close to. Then you can honestly say that you weren’t leaving her out, you just aren’t having bridesmaids. That way you can avoid the drama
Post # 16
If you were friends once before, then maybe you can be again. Inviting her to be a bridesmaid can be a nice gesture toward friendship on your part. I mean, this woman’s going to be in your family forever…you might as well try to take steps to placate her. She could also perceive no invitation to be a bridesmaid as a snub, as could the rest of FI’s family, and make your life more difficult regardless of whether she’s in the wedding party.
Plus, I hate to admit it, but when someone else pays for something for me I feel indebted to them, as is kind of the case with your fiance’s family paying for the wedding; you may have to make some concessions because they are footing the bill.
Out of curiosity, was there a turning point in your relationship? Did something specific happen to damage your relationship, or did you gradually grow apart? Could you enlist your FI to try and talk to her about whether she’s going through any personal struggles that might be affecting her attitude, which may not actually be directed at you?