(Closed) Sister in Law bridesmaid drama. ADVICE!!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
12890 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Could you find other ways to incorporate his sisters?  Maybe they could do a reading or something.  You should talk to him about how you’d like to include them in the day, but maybe not as bridesmaids.  I picked four people who I am extremely close to as my BMs, and one just happened to be his sister.  Fiance never had a choice in who my BMs were, he was jsut excited that I wanted to include his sister.  Giving you the ultimatum of “we aren’t getting married if my sisters arent BMs” is childish, and you need to address it with him. 

Post # 4
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m going through a similar, but not same situation on my end. I’m so so sorry!

First off: for your partner to give you an ultimatum like that “my sisters or no wedding” is not fair, especially when he won’t allow your brothers to be involved. It sounds like he’s attempting a bit of a double standard there. It’s not right that he’s dictating to you your part of the bridal party when you’re imposing no restrictions on his end. 

Secondly: If you look all over the place, etiquette does NOT dictate that you have your Future Sister-In-Law as a bridesmaid. 

Have you both talked about how many people you would like in your wedding party? Maybe that would help to clear things up? A friend of a friend’s Fiance didn’t tell her until 5 months before the wedding that one of his friends had finally gotten back to him about being in the Wedding Party. In the meantime, she hadn’t asked her step sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and it created all this drama. Setting mutual rules for the Wedding Party might be a good idea? 

Best of luck!

Post # 5
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What abbie017 said.  Also if he wants them in the wedding so bad, why doesn’t he have them stand up on his side?  Who ever stands up next to you should be your nearest and dearest.  Sometimes, people will ask family members in order to avoid drama, but if you don’t want to include your sisters or step-sister if you don’t want to.

Post # 6
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i agree with PP.  if he is so insistent about his sisters then he should find a way in incorporate them in the wedding; either on his side or with a speech, reading, mc, etc.

who does he have standing up with him?  my Fiance has his sister.

Post # 8
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@hellsbells2949:  He sounds really controlling and demanding, in my opinion. I hope that is just how the post is coming across.

Post # 9
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So you are “required” to have his sister and your step-sister on your side, but he wont allow ANY of your brothers (who you actually want to include) be included? HUH?

Sorry, thats a bunch of crap. Why would you have someone stand up with you who you dont really like or have a relationship with? And he won’t marry you unless you do what he says? Sorry but this is not cool. Pick whoever you want for your party and your groom needs let it go, he’s acting silly.

Post # 10
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Umm… really?  I don’t think I’d WANT to marry him after he said something like that.  What a douche!

Post # 11
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with a couple of the other posts. He sounds horribly controlling!! I’m really hoping that’s just how its coming across because if he is really his way, I’d be walking. Trust me, you do not want to get 15 years down the road and have kids with him and he’s still acting this immature and controlling. Just imagine how tough that would be?


It’s your wedding too and if you have to include his sisters, he has to include your brothers. End of Story. Better yet, just tell him he needs to get over himself. 

Post # 12
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Is anyone missing the bigger picture here?

HE told HER that if his sisters were not Bridesmaids THERE WOULD BE NO WEDDING.

Who does that?  Seriously?  What a douchebag.

Post # 13
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry but I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to be namecalling your fiance. Obviously family is important to him but if it were me in that position, I would explain that Bridesmaids are chosen by the bride and therefore he can choose his family to stand up or have a roll in his side. I see where he is coming from, you don’t want to look back at pictures and see people that are no longer in your life but then the point of a bridesmaid is to attend to the bride, people of the bride’s choosing. There is no one you have to choose but I would be careful choosing some family and leaving out others, especially choosing between sisters. You do what is most comfortable for you because those are the people helping you out on your day. 

Post # 15
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@hellsbells2949:  What is the update? Have you spoken to him? If your brothers can’t be his page boys then his sisters can’t be your BMs. Period

Post # 16
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m concerned about the controlling issues….if this is the way the marriage starts (and remember the wedding is JUST one day marriage is much longer) how is it going to continue?

Has he been controlling about other issues?  Is there pressure on him from other family members regarding this issue?

I could not imagine my Fiance ever being that controlling….he knew who I would ask ahead of time, and I pretty much knew who he would ask…his sister IS in my wedding party but by MY choice….

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