(Closed) Sister in Law lashing out about No Kids wish

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m so sorry for you! I have had my fair share of adult reception drama myself, not from a FSIL but other various guests! What I can’t understand is it never seems like they actually WANT to hang out with their children, but rather they just want to be a big fat pain in the A$$ for no reason! It was so rude of her to lie to you, not to mention, to ask for the money back! I wish I had better advice for you, just know the bees are hoping things get better for you! But imho DO NOT change your mind about this!!! You’ll only fuel her bullying, and she’ll try to walk all over you for the rest of your life! 

Post # 4
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@jandbwed: That’s a shame she is acting this way. Stand your ground. Don’t let her bully you and try to rally people against you. That is just whiny and immature of her. You are in the right. While she may have contributed, the no kids rule was set clearly from the start when she agreed to participate and contribute. She even cited your no kids rule with her, “I know you don’t want kids, but…” exchange with you. Now she is trying to bend the rule to meet her needs and convenience. Sorry, but this is not about making things convenient for her especially if she going to lie to you to try to get her way. It would have been different if she said she was in a pickle and needed help with a nanny, and asked you nicely. But to force her way in? Nice try, sis-in-law! If she isn’t coming and wants money back, I’d find a way to pay her back and ever so cordially move on with your planning.

Post # 5
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I cannot believe she would lie to your face like that…did she not think you would discuss it with your fiance and find out she was lying?  

Whatever you do, do NOT give in to her.  Her nanny can darn well watch the kids at home.  If possible, pay back the money now so she has no hold over you.  If not, pay it back ASAP.

Wow…I can’t get over her nerve!

Post # 6
Member
11287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@jandbwed:  i can’t believe she would lie to you like that.  she was just trying to manipulate you into agreeing to her nanny and kids coming.  don’t give in. 

if possible, i would try to sit down with her and explain how unfair it would be for your siblings’ children.  (not that anyone like her would care about anyone else’s feelings)

Post # 7
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

First pay the money back. You have way too many hands in the pot.

Second quit talking to her about the wedding. Without the money being involved she has no say, so send her an invitation addressed to her and her husband just like everyone else. 

It is a shame how this has all played out. Don’t let this drama get to you and ruin the rest of your engagement.

Post # 8
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Ugh how crazy. Stand your ground, she needs to grow up.

Post # 9
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I will be the only one answering differently…..I too had an adult reception only reception except for my sisters 2 little kids and my sister-in-laws 2 little kids. Had to include them to avoid drama….after some long thinking, really wasn’t worth fighting over, felt like it was one of those things that will never go away. Honestly no one even noticed or cared 4 little kids being at the wedding. I’d say let her bring them.

Post # 10
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I misread this at first… Thought maybe she was travelling to your wedding and having the nanny watch the kids in the hotel room, so I didn’t understand! Now I get it, so it does seem like a power trip or something… If you have someone to watch them, why bring them? I’m sorry you have to go though this!

Post # 11
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with Mrsmenow pay her the money back ASAP.

Post # 12
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I feel your pain!!

My husbands sister is also the matriach of the family. When we were married we decided on an all adult very club like wedding. It did not even start till 7:30pm. We met with his family and told them our decision. She went crazy! Kept stating how his side of the family was so small and they need everyone at the wedding. Her daughter was 6 months old. A month before our wedding I heard they were boycotting it unless we allowed all the children to attend. My husband has a small family and it would of been terrible if none of them attended due to her craziness. Her baby screamed during my entire vows!!! I was actually OK with the older children attending but felt the baby had no place at such a loud late night event. I also felt bad that everyone else received an invite that said adult only reception.

Stick with your decision and do not let her bully you. It is your wedding! Please try not to stress over all this. Sending positive thoughts!

Post # 13
Member
2578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would give the money back and do it your way. 

Post # 14
Member
10289 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m with the PP’s. Pay back the money and tell her to shove it. Her rugrats can stay home with their nanny. 

Post # 15
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would silently give her the cash back (check in the mail) but otherwise not engage in this. This is all about control and attention, so don’t give it to her. Ignore her and enjoy your wedding planning!

Post # 16
Member
5246 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

These are the stories that make me glad my fiance is an only child!!! This lady sounds like she has some serious control issues and if I were you I would not back down on this…you need to teach her a lesson

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