- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
Sorry, I really feel I need to vent! My husband and I welcomed our little boy a year ago. It’s been a joyous 12 months for my husband and I, but yes, many times stressful. We both work full-time, but I have a job that allows me to work from home and gives me a flexible schedule. That has left me working throughout the day and night while also trying to keep an eye on a growing toddler. When my husband comes home he helps look after the baby or with the chores. My mom helps me when she can, but since she has had health problems, I only ask her for her help in case we’re really desperate which thankfully hasn’t been too often. My husband and I are not very rich at all, we rent a two-bedroom condo, so as you can imagine daycare would be very expensive for us.
My husband’s family has always said they want to help us out, but the problem is, my SIL is taking up any spare time they might have. She has two young children and since she had her first child, much of her mother and her sister’s time is dedicated to looking after them. Her mother spends Mon-Friday at the SIL’s home looking after the kids. Her sister spends every weekend looking after the kids. So she basically has free live-in daycare 7 days a week. My SIL works full-time as a doctor, and her husband is a dentist. But the thing is, even when either she or her husband is home and not working, she MUST have her mom or her sister there to help her. Sometimes, BOTH she and her husband are home and still, she demands that someone else be there to take care of the kids. I don’t think she or her husband has ever been alone with the kids or bothered to look after their kids themselves.
One time, my SIL asked my husband to stay at her place for the weekend because she needed help with the kids — her husband was away on a business trip, mom had other obligations and her sister was sick. We thought perhaps she was on call that weekend and really truly needed the help. My husband finds out when he gets there that she wasn’t on call, (actually she had the weekend off), she just was tired that weekend and wanted some help looking after the kids. Meanwhile, I’m left looking after our own baby alone, exhausted from pulling several all-nighters working on projects because I spent most of the week looking after my own baby. Once, when my husband had jury duty and I had an important meeting to attend to for work, we asked my Mother-In-Law to help us babysit (My mom had just been released from the hosptial, so I was definitely not going to ask her). The SIL was not having it all because then she would have to PAY for a babysitter. Meanwhile, WE had to pay for a babysitter. My husband’s family has not babysitted once for us since we had our son because my SIL’s schedule won’t permit it. No one feels like they can say no to my SIL.
My husband and her family members have talked to my SIL and even flat out said she needs to start looking after her own children and share the babysitting resources. But she complains, says her and her husband’s jobs are much more demanding and that we do not need the help as much as they do because I work from home.
It’s very frustrating because we all know my SIL and her husband can afford the daycare much more than we can. I knew before we had our son that it would be tough having a career while trying my best to be there for our son. I understand that as a working mom, I just have to work even harder as a mom. In one aspect, I’m grateful to be able to have that time with my son, and it makes me feel better to know that it’s my husband and I who are the ones really raising our son. But every mom needs help now and then. It just annoys me to see another working mom feel she’s entitled to more help than me.